The Case Against Preschool
Attachment Parenting, Parenting, Parenting Tips, Peaceful Motherhood, Science Add commentsIt seems everyone wants me to send Wolf to school, from my parents to the old lady I meet serving tea at the coffee shop. “It is essential for socialisation,” they insist.
The research says otherwise.
Playdates and preschool attendance can add stimulation—-and fun—-to your child’s daily life. But socialization-—the process of learning how to get along with others-—is not the same thing as socializing. Frequent socializing with peers does not necessarily lead to better social skills.
In fact, the opposite seems to be true. Too much time with peers can make kids behave badly. It’s the sulky elephant in the room that no one likes to talk about. Even upscale preschools are likely to make kids behave worse. As recent scientific studies confirm, preschool attendance increases childhood stress and retards social development.
(Source: Preschool Social Skills)
To many parents and teachers, these findings seem to defy common sense. Surely we learn social skills by interacting with other people. What could be more natural than letting your preschooler loose in a social world of her own peers?
In fact, part of this reasoning is sound. You do need people to learn people skills. The question is–which people? Preschoolers need to learn empathy, compassion, patience, emotional self-control, social etiquette, patience, and an upbeat, constructive attitude for dealing with social problems.
These lessons can’t be learned through peer contact alone. Preschools are populated with impulsive, socially incompetent little people who are prone to sudden fits of rage or despair. These little guys have difficulty controlling their emotions, and they are ignorant of the social niceties. They have poor insight into the minds and emotions of others (Gopnik et al 1999).
Yes, preschoolers can offer each other important social experiences. But their developmental status makes them unreliable social tutors. A child who copies other children may pick up good habits—-but she may also pick up bad ones. And peers do not always provide each other with right kind of feedback.
When a child offers to share his toy with a caring adult, he gets rewarded with gratitude and praise. He also learns that he will eventually get his toy back. When he offers to share with a peer, he may not get rewarded at all. Without adult guidance, these experiences can undermine social development by teaching the wrong lessons.
Moreover, it’s hard to see what’s natural about herding together a bunch of children who are all the same age. From the evolutionary, historical, and cross-cultural perspectives, it’s an unusual practice.
(Source: The darkside of preschool)
As parents, we are the best candidates to instill in our children the necessary building blocks in socialisation: empathy, emotional self-control, and communication. Offering our children a secure attachment and ourselves as good role models, and being involved and engaged in our children’s emotional world would arm them with better social skills than any preschool would.
Mephala is a strange and curious 
October 6th, 2009 at 12:57 am
OMG! That was exactly the same thing everyone kept saying to me! They kept saying that Gavin was “anti-social” especially when compared to other children his age. They were so convinced going to school would help him “come out of his shell”.
When I read that article, it was like I was reading about Gavin. Just when he started going to school was when I started noticing his “difficult” behaviours, which I initially attributed to being part of the “terrible twos”.
October 6th, 2009 at 1:20 am
That’s scary cos everyone believes that preschool is essential for socialisation when it isn’t true. In fact, it is research like that that makes me want to homeschool him for as long as I can.
Wolf gets socialisation every day in the real world, from the nice wait staff at our regular diner who know him by name and give him special treats, to the staff at the mall and supermarket who recognise and wave to him when they see him.
Every day he spends time with different people of varying ages and temperaments: his 6 year old cousin, his 70+ year old great godparents, his godpa, his aunts and uncles and their children, his grandparents…
Everyone has something different to teach him and like the article says, “it’s hard to see what’s natural about herding together a bunch of children who are all the same age. From the evolutionary, historical, and cross-cultural perspectives, it’s an unusual practice.”
I think I read that in Steve Biddulph’s books as well.
Anyway, preschool isn’t mandatory, so you can still pull him out if you want. I know it may seem tough with a new baby coming, but it can be done and works more for the boys’ bonding than Gavin feeling he’s being “sent away” while Mum spends time with Gareth.
You’re one of the strongest and certainly one of the best and most devoted mothers I know and I know you can do it, whatever you decide.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
it’s always good to read a contrary point of view. yes – there’s absolutely no need for preschool when mom and dad are around. am glad for your kids. our own kids didn’t go to a kindy at all and they’re none the worse for wear…
October 7th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Hey David,
Glad to hear your kids didn’t go to kindy. I have a friend who is homeschooling her 4 kids and tells me how there really is a difference between her kids who did go to school and the ones who didn’t. Meanwhile I’ll definitely be picking up some tips from your blog. Thanks for stopping by.
Cheers!
October 7th, 2009 at 2:49 am
I think the biggest irony is that we didn’t go to school until kindy and yet everyone is pushing for today’s children to start school even younger. What’s the deal with that?
And I also beg to differ when they say Gavin’s social skills are poor because he does interact with people and he was getting a lot better with age (this was before he started school). He’s just not a crowd person. He likes playing with one or two kids but doesn’t like it if there are too many children.
Yes, I succumbed to the nagging that I need to send my son to preschool. Unfortunately, wasn’t quite as strong as you, my dear. Will leave it for now and possibly pull him out of school after we settle in with the new baby and I’m more ready to deal with two kids at home. Hopefully, not too much damage done by then…