Strange Machines

I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been falling asleep a lot while nursing both kids to sleep. They both latch on and nurse till they sleep. Kitten usually unlatches first and rolls over to her crib and then Bear rolls over to his side and sleeps too.

But when the nightwaking party begins, all bets are off. Sometimes one wakes and calls for me, waking the other if I don’t hear the escalating calls, and I’m back to tandem nursing them both back to bed. Maybe that is more efficient, because often after nursing one back to bed, the other wakes.

Still, I am grateful I have my iPhone and usually play some inane game or read some news offline to pass the time. I could look lovingly at them as I nurse them to sleep but it is too dark. Sometimes I do shine a bit of light on their sweet sleeping faces and think aww…

2200: Late already. Dang. Put Kitten’s diaper on and dress her.

2217: Bear finally dressed after bribery of stories I made up on the spot.

2228: Lights out. Kitten nurses. Play Ranch Rush on iPod Touch. Third time already. Quite bored of it. Play Orions. Wonder if still remember after such a long break.

2312: Bear nurses along with Kitten. Play Orions. Thrash computer with my fave deck.

0012: Yay! Kitten and Bear are out.

0015: Go get supper. Check Facebook. Reply email. Eat some Kettle chips. Drink organic milk.

0035: Kitten wakes. Sigh. Play Who’s Got The Biggest Brain game on iPod Touch. Attain Cyborg status by choosing most skilled tests on pro level. Bored now.

0056: Oh no, Bear stirring. Phew! He went back to sleep. Kitten still nursing feverishly. Like a deep sea diver breathing.

0058: Try pulling away but she’s not letting go. Sigh.

0101: Try pulling away again but she still holding tight. Sigh. Gonna try to unlatch…

0104: Failed. Wondering if resident roaches eating my Kettle chips.

0109: Unlatched. Kitten flailed but went to sleep. Returning to chips.

0147: Bear stirs. I spot a roach on my bed! Run out and get a rolled up newspaper, swat the bastard off, he falls on the ground. I whack but he escapes under the bed. Damn! And Bear sits up rubbing his eyes. Ma, he calls. And I nurse again.

0225: He’s done.

0310: Bear wakes up with a “Ma uh Nan”, sniffle. I’ve finished placing 2 more traps under the bed to catch that confounded beast. Tomorrow I’m buying industrial strength traps. Managed to order a nice silicone case, the Agent18 Flowervest (very pretty!), for my iPod Touch and download a couple of apps. Yawn. Will sleep after this feed.

0328: Kitten is up. Does her hyperventilating sound and I hurry to nurse her. Sigh.

0348: Kitten finally done. Can I finally sleep?

0354: Brushed teeth, turned off light and net, ready for bed. Checked for roach. None. Bear wakes. “Mom Nan,” he says. I nurse him. Kitten wheezes. I cower in fear. she stops. Only sound is Bear drinking milk. Gonna try close my eyes now. Hope the roach gets stuck in one of my traps!

0403: Reclaimed boob. Gonna zzz now.

0607: Kitten wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

0715: Bear wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

1050: Alarm goes. I press snooze 3x before reaching for the chilled packet of crysanthemum white tea with Bear still attached. I drink it and feel more awake. Time to get up.

Between the 0715 feed and now, the kids woke again, maybe twice but too sleepy to register.

The kids get 12 hours sleep each which is so important for the development of their brain.

Note: This post was written on my iPod Touch. Yay!

It felt like I had much more time to myself before I had a second child. Bear was bathed, we had plenty of time to read books together and he had time to play games by himself while his Dad and I chatted or he gave me a quick back rub (for carrying his son around all day).

Having a baby and toddler definitely takes more time and energy, especially at night. We must leave wherever we are by 8.30pm or the very latest, 9pm. I bathe Kitten while Daddy bathes Bear, in that order. Then I dress both children, read a little to Bear (not as much as before I regret), Kitten gets tummy time, and lights out at 10.30pm.

Kitten gets nursed to bed first, while Daddy reads to Bear or lets him watch some animals on YouTube. Sometimes he comes in looking for me and I nurse him too. He crawls into a kneeling position while I nurse Kitten on my side or at a 45 degree angle facing Kitten. Or else, when Kitten falls asleep, which can take on average an hour, I call Bear and he nurses to sleep too.

That can take another hour. So if I am lucky, I get off duty (although on call) by 11.30pm. On average, it is midnight. Really unlucky, 12.30pm or 1am because Kitten has woken up and needs to be nursed again or worse, wakes Bear up too so repeat and rinse.

By which time I am famished and parched and need a snack, which I enjoy in front of the computer, in the same room as the kids so I can run to them if they call for me, which is relatively often or by 3-4am. Or in Bear’s case, maybe 2am. But usually after my supper.

I wish I and other stay-home moms would not be berated for claiming some me-time at the expense of sleep. We are human too, and need to unwind. And with 2, there is even less time left in the night to claim.

I have chosen physical exhaustion instead of mental exhaustion. Probably it is best for the kids too. Staying home with the 2 children has been exhausting with Bear bouncing off the 4 walls and constantly asking me questions. Carrying Kitten in the Ergo and pushing Bear in Kitten’s Combi pram (in case I want to let her lie in it during her alert phase) has been infinitely more rewarding.

Every day we have a playdate either with friends and their children or with family. It has been immensely more enriching for us 3 and although I am physically exhausted by the end of the day, I don’t get cabin fever and feel more alive and surprisingly, awake when out.

Night time is another story. Bear has regressed to waking as much as 20 times a night, primarily in the morning where he MUST nurse. He will let his sister nurse first though if she wakes too and thankfully, the little one sips and dozes off quickly. She only wakes on average of 3 times and not always to nurse, and can fall asleep by herself sometimes, thankfully. I wonder how long sleep regression lasts. It has been exhausting, both emotionally and physically, for both Bear and I.

The other night I took the children to the nearby park and pointed to the sky, telling Bear about the planets, moons, and stars out there and how special we all are, to even exist, against such amazing odds. He was quite enthralled.

Today, DH has taken Bear out to the park and Kitten is entertaining herself on the bed, cooing in delight and talking to herself (“ah papah”) at something only she is entertained by, I am not sure what. So I grab this special me-time and finally write a post.

I am grateful she is a healthy, happy, calm, and good-natured girl. It has helped me manage both of them so much easier despite walking around in a daze of permanent delirium.

Well, I’ve given up the afternoon for all of us after several fruitless attempts. Both kids are too amused by the arrangement that no one gets any sleep. So Bear stays up till the occasional doze while we are in the car past 3pm and is relatively cranky during the day. Kitten just sleeps whenever she’s sleepy in the carrier. My back hurts!

Night time was another tricky thing. Initially Kitten was happy for Daddy to carry her to sleep while I nursed Bear to sleep. But now she recognises Daddy isn’t Mommy. So she screams when he carries her during lights out till he passes her to me.

So when it is lights out, all 4 of us get into bed. I nurse Kitten to sleep while Daddy cuddles Bear and tells him stories. Sometimes he falls asleep but usually when Kitten is done, he’ll ask for a little milk and then goes to sleep on his own. Sometimes he feels he needs more and tries to persuade me to nurse him before she falls asleep so I do for a short while, and he rolls back to Daddy (who is usually asleep by now) and I nurse Kitten again. Everyone’s happy although I get real sleepy. (Last night he even kneeled to nurse a bit while I nursed Kitten so technically I tandemed both at night even though I was turned towards her.)

Middle of the night wakings continue… Initially Bear was distressed when he woke up, needed to suckle but his sister was nursing. Lots of screaming and crying ensued but his calmer sister usually dozed off and gave him his turn. These days he wakes less and is happy to wait a bit. She almost sleeps through the night, which is a relief!

The first few months are tough but with help and support from the hubby, it is doable.

One of the difficulties of tandem nursing is when both kids want to nurse at the same time and you don’t or can’t. In the middle of the night and early morning is the toughest because it is hard to balance both while lying down, being really too tired to sit up. Don’t try, you’ll be even more tired.

Day time I can sit down and cuddle both. Hence today I am a zombie today, not because Kitten has been up – she woke thrice but slept again quickly after a brief suckle, but Bear’d been up every hour howling for milk.

My theory: that damn chocolate cake I ate after dinner plus Bear didn’t nap that day and had only 10 hours the day before.

I’ll skip the night time chocolate and make sure Bear gets enough attention and naps today. I need my zzz too… zzz

The first month after delivery is always the toughest. A tired mother needs her body to recover yet also care for her new baby. That’s also the time we realise what we’re missing. For me, it was more pajamas for Kitten, a new breast pump, and milk bottles. Plus lots and lots of diapers.

I also had to entertain Bear with the promise of presents to make his sister’s presence a positive one. Ok. It is bribery, but it works. So we surfed ShopWiki.com for toys and games as well as toddler books for him.

He’s accepted his sister and is gentle and loving towards her, even when he thinks I am not watching. That is a blessing of both the positive reinforcement with pressies and tandem nursing, although the latter has been tiring for me. I wish I had more support but the consensus by the detractors is that he should be weaned. Still, it is between me and him and I have learnt to stop complaining to them. Only to friends who empathise.

Just one day after I cremated my Boy, I went into labour. Sunday morning my water broke and after a 17 hour labour (4 hours 2nd stage) without epidural – damn thing didn’t work – my little Kitten entered this world kicking and screaming. She’s got a full head of hair and her Daddy’s features. She has been smiling since her very first day in the world.

After a week of phototherapy, we brought her home. She presented Bear with an Ikea cat and they have been best pals ever since. We have to remind him to be gentle around her but the tandem nursing (which takes some practice at the angling) and the present and the many months of positive reinforcement about his sister helped him accept her almost immediately.

She doesn’t cry much except for food and never for a wet diaper or attention, although she is immensely curious. She loves to smile at me when I call her. She brings us much joy as her brother does.

As those who know me know, I can be stubborn as a mule. There were violent protests when I told everyone I’d be nursing Bear even during pregnancy but the toughest part was not the critics but the soreness of my nipples.

A yelp-worthy pain, for the first 10 seconds or so, and then it is okay. But with toddler teeth, especially with a half-asleep baby, it can turn into scream-worthy agony when he bites down unintentionally, like he did tonight. I begged him to let go and in his sleep, he did! Nipple is still stinging though.

At 2.5 years, Bear is not quite yet prepared to wean. He does release the nipple most times and says, “enough” and rolls over to sleep by himself, so maybe he is partway to self-weaning (the most ideal way). It must have been his 5 day bout of the flu that kickstarted his back-to-back nursing again.

There’s really no solution to it but deep breathing, grinning, and baring it. I’ve been doing that since I got pregnant and the soreness is not abating. In fact some articles say it might get worse in the 2nd trimester! Still I’m not giving up, but I am going to try some gentle negotiation during the day and try to be more positive about it myself. (Bought an iTouch with hubby’s blessing to distract during long and painful nursing sessions.)

I’ve been lurking at the KellyMom boards and found some really helpful advice as well as a link to a great article at the LLL about Love, Limits, and Tandem Nursing. Just had to share it.

On a separate note, I just realised that aside from IncomeShield, I have no other health insurance since my corporate one lapsed when I left my last job. Here, maternity insurance is real hefty, so I think I’ll take my chances with the good and competent staff of our government hospitals.