So forget about the reading and throw away the TV. Have some one on one time, cuddle time, or eye to eye time with baby instead. Show your baby he or she matters.

From Psychology Today (bold emphases mine, bold and italics from the original article):

First and foremost: The fundamental task of early childhood isn’t learning to read, or to “get ahead” for school, or to impress the neighbors, or to give the folks something to brag about. Encouraging children to surge ahead beyond their real developmental needs leaves them with some really sludgy clean-up to grapple with later on.

What kids need from the get-go is a parent who “gets” them, who pays attention to what’s going on inside them, and who responds to them in a way that’s actually related to what the kid is feeling.

The research on attachment shows that there are a number of benefits which last a lifetime, including but not limited to at least the following dozen:

1. The ability to sustain attention
2. Better management of physical reactions to emotions – leading to improved immunity and fewer stress-related illnesses
3. Less anxiety
4. Better relationships with childhood peers, and healthier relationships as adults
5. Fewer behavioral problems
6. Increased capacity for empathy
7. Greater ability to regulate mood (for example, calming down from excitement, or not getting caught up in frustration)
8. Enhanced skills in communicating emotions in healthy ways
9. Greater confidence and self-esteem (and it isn’t just based on performance and grades, but rather a sense of abiding and healthy self-worth)
10. Better able to generate alternative solutions to interpersonal conflict
11. Enhanced insight into themselves, and others
12. Better modulation of fear, allowing for a willingness to explore and take on growthful challenges

“Well,” a parent (or a video marketer) might say, “letting a baby or a toddler watch an educational video to help them read earlier won’t interfere with healthy attachment.”

Actually, it can. As a psychologist/neuropsychologist who has been practicing psychotherapy and conducting cognitive evaluations for nearly twenty years, as well as having researched the relationship between brain and behavior in both infants and adults — I believe that using television to “teach” young children is a big mistake, with significant costs down the road.

(I’ll say here that reading with your child is a solid, helpful, wonderful thing to do. Explicitly teaching them to read, especially by video, is what I’m grousing about here.)

I’d love it if parents who feel they’re giving their child a “gift” with an early reading DVD would consider the following questions:

• What’s the message when (by offering your child a mesmerizing “educational” DVD, and also showing them your pleasure at their achievements) you emphasize the value of learning to read extra early, over time spent with siblings, parents, or friends?

• What might your child be learning from developing the habit of spending time in front of a “worthwhile” or “engaging” video, rather than with someone who loves him or her?

• What are you telling your child when you’re putting them in front of the TV instead of showing them that you value interacting with them and want to be with them?

• How does it help a child to see a screen as their teacher, rather than a real person — what do they do when they have a problem they need to solve, and they don’t have the early, repeated experiences of asking an adult to help them?

• What are you saying to your child about the value of learning if you can’t spend the time yourself to do it with them? (In the commercial for Your Baby Can Read, the announcer asks one thrilled parent of three early readers, “And did you have to do anything?” The mother replies with joy, “I didn’t have to do a thing!”)

And another thing: Early reading doesn’t do much for your child’s success in school, and there’s evidence that it may even be detrimental.

Let’s take a look at a few points in that regard – and note that this list is only a few of many reasons why early reading is a lousy deal for your child.

• Louise Bates Ames, PhD, a superstar in child development and the director of research at the world-renowned Gesell Institute of Child Development, stated that “a delay in reading instruction would be a preventative measure in avoiding nearly all reading failure.” Leapfrogging necessary cognitive developmental skills — and asking a young brain to do tasks for which it isn’t truly ready — is asking for trouble with learning.

• The brains of young children aren’t yet developed enough to read without it costing them in the organization and “wiring” of their brain. The areas involved in language and reading aren’t fully online — and aren’t connected — until age seven or eight. If we’re teaching children to do tasks which their brains are not yet developed to do via the “normal” (and most efficient) pathways, the brain will stumble upon other, less efficient ways to accomplish the tasks — which lays down wiring in some funky ways — and can lead to later learning disabilities, including visual-processing deficits.

• The description of brain development on which the “Your Baby Can Read” program rests its questionable claims is remarkably flawed, confusing language acquisition with reading. They state: “A baby’s brain thrives on stimulation and develops at a phenomenal pace…nearly 90% during the first five years of life! The best and easiest time to learn a language is during the infant and toddler years, when the brain is creating thousands of synapses every second — allowing a child to learn both the written word and spoken word simultaneously, and with much more ease….” There is a huge and unsupported leap here from language acquisition – which is definitely an important developmental task, necessary for connecting to one’s outer world – and reading, which is a very different neurological and cognitive task, and one which is not developmentally appropriate for a baby or toddler’s brain.

• Does early training really get you anywhere? There is a classic study of twins which was done by another pioneer in child development, Arnold Gesell, PhD, MD. He studied a pair of toddler twins, who were not yet able to climb stairs. For the study, one of the twins was given daily practice and encouragement to climb stairs, and the other twin had no stairs to practice on. After six weeks of practice, the “trained” twin could climb the stairs, and the “untrained” twin could not. However, within one week of being given the opportunity to climb stairs, the untrained twin completely caught up with the trained twin’s stair-climbing ability.

• The whole idea that learning to read early gives children — or our educational system, or our economy — an “advantage” is not based on empirical evidence. If you look at the US and Britain, you see the trends toward earlier reading and increasingly less successful educational systems. On the other hand, the majority of children in Finland begin instruction in reading at age seven – two years later than here in the US (and even later than the folks at “Your Baby Can Read” would have you start). The outcome? Finnish students not only catch up to their earlier-starting counterparts, but they surpass the United States, other European countries, and Asian countries as well, with top overall scores in the world in reading, science, and math. Oh, and the Finnish do attend preschool, but it isn’t “academic” in nature — it emphasizes social development and exploration.

I’ve always been lazy about the teaching. I love reading books with the kids but I don’t force them to remember the words. They will learn on their own. I did.

When I was 7 (the proper developmental age for reading), I suddenly picked up a book and began to read. Within months I devoured all of Enid Blyton’s books and then moved to Carolyn Keene. I never stopped.

I believe kids will learn in their own time, as unschooling parents do. Bear potty trained himself on his own time, and he is learning to count, in his own time. He rarely nurses in public anymore and some days never even nurses at all till bedtime.

It is tempting (and I do too for some quiet) to let Bear watch a video on the iPod (since we have no TV). This article reminds me about the message I am giving him. Not a good one. I need to reframe my thoughts and yes, I need my downtime, but perhaps there is something we can do together that we both love, like look at dinosaur books.

(Just had an idea to sit with him and print out his fave dinosaur pictures, then cut and paste them into a notebook that we can read together. Yay activity!)

Most importantly, I want my children to love learning. They can’t do it if we keep shoving learning down their throats, years before the schools start.

I remember losing my love for learning when I entered school. But thankfully, my first 5 years at home gave me a strong foundation of that love and after I finally finished school, I began teaching myself again: to fix things, to write code, to sew.

That is the gift I want to give my children.

The years pass too quickly. I must remember to cherish every moment.

She’s started waving bye voluntarily when the occasion calls for it.

She can pass me things when asked.

She overhears me telling so and so she can do it and she does.

E.g. Today my Mom told me to watch her as she was climbing up a chair. I told Mom not to worry as she can do it. She never turned to look at us but she paused a second when I said it as if she’d heard. She climbed up, turned herself around, sat down and then clapped and laughed gleefully.

She has also started to imitate words. She doesn’t reproduce them exactly but sometimes they are very close, like the duck I showed her today. She said duck very clearly.

Other times her favourite words are article (probably ah tickle) and book.

She has begun to walk.

Fun days!

Today it was marker and book. She keeps saying book now, although tickle is her favourite word as it never fails to elicit a laugh from everyone.

My guess is her brother talks non stop so she’s babbling too to keep up.

In Kitten’s case it started about a month ago, I’d find her looking rather confused, on all fours, so cute in her baby night dress, just wavering. I’d take her in my arms and nurse her back to sleep.

Tonight, she even cried when she felt me move an inch away. But soon she was asleep again, till the next 4 legged wake up call, till morning when she discovers cute animals on her bumper walls and looks upon them in intrigue and amazement.

Language

When we’re in the car we have a chat about anything under the sun. We converse on the go and I explain things to him as we see them. I gently correct him if he is incorrect. He gets it right pretty fast. I read that that is the best way to improve a child’s language. Just talk to him.

Creativity and Imagination

At lunch we use activity books for play with his Playmobil or Lego figurines and cars in imagined scenarios (they have pictures we pretend are cities or homes or parks or zoos. We take the family to the zoo for example or through the catacombs to look for treasure.

I recently bought some Lego characters from the Indiana Jones trilogy (with beige faces!) and some came with a map, torch, and whip. Very useful with his maze book which features tunnels and treasure!

Sometimes he’s happy to work on his dexterity by colouring or working on mazes or just drawing. Makes it easy to pop food in his mouth once he’s past his feed-myself threshold.

Science

I try to answer all his questions honestly and scientifically as I can, explaining as simply as I can concepts of our world I’ve long taken for granted.

Why is the tree green? Why are the clouds white? What is dry ice? If I don’t know I tell him I’ll find out. He finds it all fascinating and soon we’re in a chain of whys.

Coffee helps keep the good cheer.

Math and the Value of Money (and How to Wait for What You Want)

He’s been wanting to buy toys so I make it a point to tell him the price of things. What is expensive and what is a reasonable price. He will only buy well-made toys after 3 years of brainwashing. :p

Big and/or expensive toys are reserved for Christmas. He’ll ask me, for Christmas? I say okay. These are over $20.

He is allowed to buy a toy under $10, preferably around $5 with my approval. Sometimes I see something *I* really want and I buy it for him. I try not to mention price during that instant…

He rarely sits on rides since I explain to him that $1 can pay for one hour of parking or half a bubble tea (which he loves). But of course, Grandpa always indulges, when I am not around, of course.

Physical

Today, with his daddy’s blessing and much cheered enthusiasm, I bought Bear 3 Lego foam swords and 2 shields and we had such a ball play fighting. It’s great exercise for the children and he and his cousin Kaitlyn had a marvellous time.

They also played pirates with a cardboard box and their stuffed friends. And my Mom played the Cyclops whose food they stole!

Daddy takes him to the playground 2-3 times a week. He plays non-stop with other children or with Dad.

I’ve never said no to his climbing at home since he tried the very first time. I’d tell him to make sure what he is climbing is stable and to hold on tight with his hands and he would never fall down. And that those were the rules of climbing.

(It is so typical of our culture to say, no stop climbing, you will fall. But I never let that negativity pass through my mouth and Bear ignores anyone who says that. Kids only hear the word fall. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy and eventually they become too scared to try anything. Sorry, had to rant about that. He has never fallen while climbing.)

Usually when we are out, I let him climb and run as long as he is not disturbing anyone, along empty walkways and empty sections of a cafe. I’d be the crazy mom running with him chasing me from the loo after changing his diaper.

It’s fun to be silly. Heck, we were all silly once. Wasn’t it fun?

I was proud that he wasn’t afraid and didn’t even stand down when the older boy returned with help to defeat him, lobbied a few other smaller boys including the birthday boy, to help, but the smaller boys all decided to tackle him instead. Later the boy even brought an older girl to help him and the two older kids were carrying balloon swords attacking Bear. He held his own.

Bear fought bravely but his Dad and I stepped in to intervene when they abandoned their swords and started to use their fists (but never hit him… yet). I don’t think the kids were being mean, maybe got carried away by the game. But the sight of two 6 year old kids getting ready to punch my kid was hair-raising.

Bear was still enthused and told me, “Mama, I wanna fight.” I told him he was brave and good to not hit anyone but once the other kid didn’t want to play anymore it was time to stop. He understood, and thankfully didn’t seem perturbed that the older boy was upset at being defeated by him that he actually employed help to beat him.

At school this will probably happen. I am glad my son will not be bullied and it is my job to teach him to know his strength and never to be a bully.

The other morning he woke up and exclaimed: “Isetan toy shop. Isetan toy shop.” I asked him if he’d been dreaming about being there and he said yes. He was looking at cars there with me and my godparents.

My Mom says he’s the chattiest of all her grandkids and certainly the most active. He’s been an avid climber and climbs everything from the couch to his Dad.

Most delightful is watching him play sometimes. He makes up the funnest games in the most unlikely of locations and once he is engrossed, it is hard to disengage him. Occasionally at cafes, he’ll start a game of getting his Playmobil friends and his cars to visit his great-godma’s house and it is a big event! They all sit around and he helps them park their cars.

I’m probably a biased Mom but he is so creative!

Everyone’s been pushing me to start him on school but I am reluctant. He does seem very ready to socialise so we might try one of those overpriced Mommy and Toddler classes and see how that goes.

Sleepwise, he is doing great too. He usually wakes once or twice a night. These days he sleeps 10-11 hours at night. And sometimes even drops his afternoon nap. When that happens, he dozes around 9pm for less than an hour then wakes up for a bath and short playtime before bedtime.

I was so proud of him tonight for napping in his carseat. He has a new cat friend he’d been eyeing during the last few visits to the hospital (for my checkups) and finally my Mom decided to buy it for him. He hugged his little friend to sleep. I was so happy!

I’ve been through an immense amount (to my reckoning) of unneeded stress through the tail end of my first trimester till today with virtually no support from anyone. Hence I worry about my baby girl’s brain development. Trying to stay positive has been an uphill battle.

Advice from the first article: people needed to develop greater sensitivity to pregnant women’s needs.

Yet most people are insensitive to pregnant women’s needs, simply judging from a poll taken among friends. Worse if you’re having your second. I’ve been accused of being a bad mother, lazy, negligent, emotional, overreactive… the list goes on.

It doesn’t feel like there’s any solution.

Over the last week, his development accelerated at almost lightspeed. He started standing, walking confidently with a push cart, and waving bye bye.

Last night he read my Best Friends magazine very gently turning each page on his own.

Interestingly, the same day he was happy to tear away a page with Brangelina out of one of my goss mags. :p

He also had his first 3 bites of chocolate cake and loved it! More competition for Mom!