Strange Machines

I choked up while showing Kitten a photo of Boy today. I can’t believe it has been 9 months since he died. I miss him so much.

The strangest thing. I was in the kitchen fixing supper after the children had fallen asleep when I heard a meow from outside the door. It was Kaku calling me!

Kaku is my shyest sweetest girl and since the kids moved to the cat room I hardly played with her.

Gone were our late night petting sessions in the bathroom when she deemed me not so scary anymore. Only time she had me all to herself.

Even when I used to feed them before I got pregnant with Kitten, I’d be the only one allowed to pet her.

I miss her, my scared shy baby. But hubby says to wait till Kitten is older before letting the cats in again.

Tonight when I drew close, she hissed. I placed my hand close to let her sniff it and for a moment it seemed as if she would.

But then Buffy came forward meowing, then Tux, and the moment was gone.

Boy ~ 28 January 1992 – 24 April 2009

My sweet baby Boy passed away tonight at 2345h from what appeared to be a cat version of a heart attack. The vet valiantly tried to resuscitate him as his gasping ceased but failed.

He had been eating well at dinner time and seemed his usual self till loud crashes and strange howls from the back around 2240h led me to go investigate.

I found him lying on his side in a pool of spilt water and urine and he was gasping and howling in a voice that terrified me. I carried him to his favourite rug and he foamed slightly at the mouth. He seemed in distress and pain and was shaking. I stroked his fur. He did not flinch.

I tried looking online but found nothing. My Cornell’s Vet book was missing. I phoned the hubby to hurry home. Then I looked for an emergency animal clinic. The nurse took down what happened and told me she’d call the vet.

When she phoned back, hubby was home and getting a box and towel ready for Boy. He said it looks like a stroke and I’d better come along. I burst into tears. For the first time I realised he could die.

I kept telling him as he lay in that box that I was here and I love him. His howling had ceased and he was just gasping.

The nurse was waiting for us downstairs. We hurried up. The vet shaved his paw and gave him a plug. They injected some meds in him and I thought he’d be ok till she put a tube down his throat and the nurse started pressing on his chest and asked us to sit outside.

I knew it was bad then but still held out hope. Tears just burst and I sat while Wolf looked at me quizzically. Later he kept asking me where is Boy and all I could say was he is gone forever.

The vet came out and said, he’s gone. I rushed to the room and looked at him. His eyes were open and he merely looked dazed, not dead. One of his eyes had thickened already. I stroked his fur, his perfect soft fur.

It was over but I needed answers. It was too late for a blood test but an xray showed no blockage in his throat nor lungs nor unusual in his heart. Most likely she said, it was his heart, not something he ate.

I let them clean him up and put him in another room for me to say my goodbyes. I stroked him and held him for the longest time, knowing I’d never be able to do that again. Tomorrow he’d be cold from refrigeration. He’d be stiff.

The nurse was kind, promised to wrap him in his towel before putting him on ice. Tomorrow we’d take him to my aunt’s garden to bury him. I won’t have him burnt in some furnace. I held him tight, kissed him, and told him that I loved him before saying goodbye.

He was my first baby and for all of my life, I will never forget him.

Today we celebrated Father’s Day at Modestos and then went to paint Takashimaya red. Our dear aunt NH called to say she was at the airport with her boys and we sped off to meet them. I told Wolf in the car we were going to see his grandaunt and uncles and he was thrilled. It had been 4 months since he saw them and he remembered them very well.

In fact, when they showed up, he walked right up to her, peered at her and said “Gu Puo (grandaunt in Chinese)”. She was so amazed she gave him a big hug. We had dinner at Crystal Kitten and he let his young uncles carry and play with him. He even showed off the “car bag” I made for him.

“Car bag,” he proclaimed, and proudly displayed the sling bag hung diagonally around him. “Mama made!” I was so thrilled. It was the first thing he showed everyone at lunch and at the airport today when he met them, right after wishing all the fathers a loud “Happy Father’s Day!”. His Dad and I were so proud of him.

He remembers things very acutely. From the broken car mirror on the silver car at the Forum Toys R Us (now fixed, but he reminds me every time, “not broken”, when we go there) to who bought him what. He remembers all his extended family and even people he met just once and where. It is remarkable. Even the things we don’t review at the end of the day. I would always ask him if he had a great day and what he did today. Still months later he will amaze me by remembering something I barely registered.

At Terminal 3, he weighed himself at an empty check-in counter. He is 12.3kg and 94 cm tall at 25 months, one heck of a runner, bilingual, a competent singer (he sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to me this morning, out of nowhere), an avid dreamer (he’ll tell me about his dreams – sweet dreams about everyone hugging), a loving and affectionate child (he’ll hug and kiss and tell his loved ones he loves them in English and Chinese), and that amazing memory.

And in other news, a sweet evening with Boy tonight. Ah I love my boys so much.

I did this with Buffy in one second, yet Boy struggled, howled and swatted. Here’s a useful life hack on How to give your cat a pill in 7 steps, with step by step picture inclusion. Boy needs his pill daily so I might try these few useful ideas.

On a separate note, Kaku (see above pic) found herself on the wrong end of the door. I just went to the bathroom and this little cat came meowing rather anxiously at me. Just like the old days, she rolled around and let me pet her till I led her back to the others out back. It was so sweet though.

Mom’s Beef Stew: an original recipe.

Makes one week’s supply of beef stew for babies and cats. So far the hubby says it is tasty, Wolf (the baby) likes only 3 bites, and the cats love it.

Ingredients:
300g premium minced beef
1 handful frozen sweet corn, peas, carrots
1/2 handful pasta (twirly ones in durum wheat)
1 small tomato (cut in 4)
10 leaves of baby spinach

Non-edibles:
Non-stick pot with cover
5 baby glass bottles, sterilised and dried
Bowl for distribution to cats

Cook it:
1. Throw all ingredients into pot.
2. Add water to just cover the ingredients.
3. Turn on fire. Ensure is boiling then turn to low.
4. Leave for 1 hour but return every 15 minutes to make sure it is not burnt. If running low on water, add a small bit more.
5. When cooked, let cool for a while before bottling. Put in freezer.
6. Place remainder in bowl and distribute to cats.

How to use:
When you wish to feed baby, put 1 bottle to thaw in refrigerator 4 hours before. If you forget, microwave on high for 1 minute then use spoon to stir. If still cold, repeat. If baby dislikes food, feed cats. If cats dislike it, you don’t have to make lunch for yourself.

I’m back from an hour trying to get Wolf back to bed. It’s been so tiring that I can’t sleep although I am really tired. Sometimes I just need to unwind.

Someone’s been burning something near my home and the smoke’s been lingering in the rooms, even the bedroom. Poor Wolf woke up crying repeatedly, refusing to be soothed even by boob. Till I think finally out of exhaustion, and maybe the OSIM air purifier finally kicking in.

Even Boy and Tux were howling some. I don’t know if it was because of the smoke, or because Wolf was crying so plaintively. They started only when he cried so it is possible it is most likely the latter. I would hate for them to be suffering from smoke inhalation.

As for why Wolf was temporarily inconsolable, it could be that the smoke upset his nose, hence he couldn’t suck well. But then again, he was drinking fine intermittently. Or perhaps the smoke bothers his eyes. Mine sting.

Is it a tradition for burning on the 7th day of Chinese New Year? I don’t remember. But I do remember groups of people burning stuff in the middle of the night last year. Whether it was for Chinese New Year or hungry ghost festival, I am not certain.

Anyhow, I’ve turned on both fans and opened all the windows. Hopefully the air will clear soon. I’m heading to bed.

I never thought I’d ever be a devoted mother, yet over 8 months after my son was born, I am sacrificing sleep, shopping, and my yearly book quota to bring him up the best I can. I had never warmed to children, even while pregnant. My friend Karen, mother of 2, cheerily brought me to visit her year-old son when I was 7 months pregnant. I didn’t know what to do with him (according to Karen amusedly, I shied away in horror) but hubby happily played with him, um… more like played with his bike. Now I find myself talking to other moms and cooing at their babies!

Interestingly, the hub never had any doubt. I asked him, how did you know? He said, well, it was the way you cared for our cats. When Boy cried out at night, you leapt out of bed to tend to him. You took all the kids to the vet. You made sure Boy had his meds every day. You had a sixth sense when one of them was sick. You always bought them the best food. That’s why I married you. Hmm…

Thinking back, I remember (with my Mommy brain) bringing Boy to see Dr E waddling 8 months pregnant to check out his bladder, hugging him when he was insecure at night, gaining Kaku’s trust by petting her… yeah, I guess I was a good cat mom. But it didn’t necessarily mean I would be a good human mom. Does it automatically translate that if you are a good cat/dog/other pet mom that you’d be a good human mom?

Wolf is down with flu. I should have really known better. His cousin has been coughing for a week now. I should have kept him away. His nose had been runny for a few days, and he’d been sleeping shorter periods at night. More 4.5+4 than the usual 5+5 or 6+4. Sunday he was more subdued and his nose ran even more.

Sunday night he woke several times with a crying burst but when I got up he was fast asleep again. Finally at 6am, I decided to wake him for a feed, feeling particularly dehydrated myself. His nose was full of snot. I cleaned him up and fed him. He fed well, unlike his last feed at 1145pm. He smiled several times, and then slept again. At 10am another cry woke me. He was asleep again but I picked him up for a feed. Once again he ate well, and stayed up to play.

Last night he slept 9 hours! Then again, maybe I was just too tired to wake up for a night feed. He nursed fairly well – I was quite engorged, and after, treated me with happy smiles, coos, and ahhs. Back in his cot for a while, he was talking to himself quite cheerily, then later cries for a suckle and nap in Mom’s arms (more like on the MBF so I can type).

Boy too, is sick. He has a blocked urinary tract which can be fatal if unchecked. I’ve blogged about how it started on Five Cats Blog and what happened at the vet clinic and after.

His appetite has been poor but it could be the new c/d food he’s been put on or his house arrest in my room. He ate quite a bit from my hand yesterday but nothing today. The good news is he is peeing in puddles! With his own poo pan in the bathroom, it’s been easier to track his pee schedule. He’s been quite happy napping by my feet, on the rug, or in his Dad’s sock closet, although once in a while he does get wanderlust and sits by the door looking at me forlornly.

As for he and Wolf, it’s almost as if he understands the baby needs me a lot more, physically and emotionally, so he sits or lies close by quietly. He knows Wolf’s smell is my smell. Sometimes I let him sniff Wolf’s hair or hand, and he does so with an acknowledging nod.

Cat experts have often noted how cats know babies are small humans and give them a ton of leeway they normally wouldn’t accord big humans. I’ve noticed this in all the kids. Buffy particularly, who is perpetually jealous of anyone who takes her Daddy’s attention away, is protective of Wolf. Perhaps he smells like her Dad too!

I hope both kids get well soon. It’s always terrible to see your children ill, but it melts my heart to see how brave and upbeat they have both managed to be – Boy, selflessly sacrificing Mom-time for baby’s needs but remaining close to us like a guardian and constant companion (I can imagine the wonderful days and nights ahead when the cat-kids comfort an ill Wolf and vice versa), and Wolf despite an uncomfortably runny nose and cough, never without a smile for anyone watching over him.

The joys of motherhood are much to behold. I have had such immeasurable joy since I gave birth to Wolf that I’d gladly suffer the 28 hour labour and the trying first month all over again. Many have told me that once I have my own (human) child that I would feel differently about my cats and very easily give them up. I scoffed at such comments, although secretly in my heart I feared that I would love them less, and worse, bear to give them up.

Into my third month of (human) motherhood now, I find that that hasn’t been the case. If anything, I love and appreciate my cat-children even more and find so much more delight in them. The difference between loving them and loving Wolf is that Wolf needs me constantly. I confess I had neglected them quite a bit those early days. I remember Boy’s forlorn looks, Tux meowing at me for attention. Now that things have stabilised, I’ve been able to spend more quality time with them, without neglecting Wolf as well. That’s what parenthood is about, isn’t it? Loving all your children, adopted and otherwise, each as much but differently.

And cats, like children, change over the years. What a delight it is to watch them every day. The joy of watching Kaku play with her mouse toy, carrying it around like it is her baby, grooming it, swatting it and grasping it with her paw! Coming home to see Tuxie lounging on the sofa like a possum and staring innocently at us. Boy napping on the couch head, contented now that the rest don’t bug him as much. Sam (Mu Child as we call him more and more these days) finally succeeding in jumping down from the rafters all by himself! Buffy, a gentle protector watching over all of us, her family.

I grasp these moments like a lifeboat, knowing that we have such a short time together. Life is, unforgivingly short. Even more so with our beloved cats. Children are not meant to outlive their parents. With my 5 cat-children, the probability is very high that I will outlive them. It would pain me so much to have to see them die one day. But as the saying goes, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Isn’t that what life is all about? I raised all 5 from the time they were kittens, adopted them with the promise that I would care for them all my life, and give them every bit of love I have. I will not give them up simply because hearsay dictates pregnancy and cats are incompatible, or that cats and children cannot coexist. I have done my research. I know what is fact and what is fiction.

So if you are reading this because you found this entry while Googling “cats and babies” or “cats and pregnancy”, please do your research, check up on the facts. Don’t give up your pet because some “concerned” person says they will cause allergies, malformations in your child, or any other similar misinformed problem. Stand your ground. Those who believe strongly in this myth will persist. I still hear it from many well-meaning folk. From the lips of those who did give their pets up, it is a terrible thing to live with the guilt that you sentenced your pet to death.

Yes, giving them up to the SPCA, AVA, or risk giving him to someone who may abandon it eventually, is tantamount to a death sentence. If you didn’t know, SPCA simply doesn’t have the space so they have to put down (read: kill) most of the pets turned in to them. Similarly, with AVA. You’ll be very fortunate to find a good adopter. There will always be the possibility that the person may abandon your pet (who may get caught by AVA and put down, or worse, taken by an animal abuser) or give it up to SPCA or AVA.

For those still worried about cats and children, my son is wonderful, normal (no allergies, eczema, asthma), immensely happy, and to his family and friends, the most beautiful child, who lives with his Mommy, Daddy, and 5 cat-siblings.