Language

When we’re in the car we have a chat about anything under the sun. We converse on the go and I explain things to him as we see them. I gently correct him if he is incorrect. He gets it right pretty fast. I read that that is the best way to improve a child’s language. Just talk to him.

Creativity and Imagination

At lunch we use activity books for play with his Playmobil or Lego figurines and cars in imagined scenarios (they have pictures we pretend are cities or homes or parks or zoos. We take the family to the zoo for example or through the catacombs to look for treasure.

I recently bought some Lego characters from the Indiana Jones trilogy (with beige faces!) and some came with a map, torch, and whip. Very useful with his maze book which features tunnels and treasure!

Sometimes he’s happy to work on his dexterity by colouring or working on mazes or just drawing. Makes it easy to pop food in his mouth once he’s past his feed-myself threshold.

Science

I try to answer all his questions honestly and scientifically as I can, explaining as simply as I can concepts of our world I’ve long taken for granted.

Why is the tree green? Why are the clouds white? What is dry ice? If I don’t know I tell him I’ll find out. He finds it all fascinating and soon we’re in a chain of whys.

Coffee helps keep the good cheer.

Math and the Value of Money (and How to Wait for What You Want)

He’s been wanting to buy toys so I make it a point to tell him the price of things. What is expensive and what is a reasonable price. He will only buy well-made toys after 3 years of brainwashing. :p

Big and/or expensive toys are reserved for Christmas. He’ll ask me, for Christmas? I say okay. These are over $20.

He is allowed to buy a toy under $10, preferably around $5 with my approval. Sometimes I see something *I* really want and I buy it for him. I try not to mention price during that instant…

He rarely sits on rides since I explain to him that $1 can pay for one hour of parking or half a bubble tea (which he loves). But of course, Grandpa always indulges, when I am not around, of course.

Physical

Today, with his daddy’s blessing and much cheered enthusiasm, I bought Bear 3 Lego foam swords and 2 shields and we had such a ball play fighting. It’s great exercise for the children and he and his cousin Kaitlyn had a marvellous time.

They also played pirates with a cardboard box and their stuffed friends. And my Mom played the Cyclops whose food they stole!

Daddy takes him to the playground 2-3 times a week. He plays non-stop with other children or with Dad.

I’ve never said no to his climbing at home since he tried the very first time. I’d tell him to make sure what he is climbing is stable and to hold on tight with his hands and he would never fall down. And that those were the rules of climbing.

(It is so typical of our culture to say, no stop climbing, you will fall. But I never let that negativity pass through my mouth and Bear ignores anyone who says that. Kids only hear the word fall. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy and eventually they become too scared to try anything. Sorry, had to rant about that. He has never fallen while climbing.)

Usually when we are out, I let him climb and run as long as he is not disturbing anyone, along empty walkways and empty sections of a cafe. I’d be the crazy mom running with him chasing me from the loo after changing his diaper.

It’s fun to be silly. Heck, we were all silly once. Wasn’t it fun?

1. Bear must feel and know that Kitten belongs to us. We are a family.

2. We must make him feel she is worthy of all our love and that she takes away none of our love from him.

3. Sharing is emphasized. Sharing is what a family does.

4. Having a sister must be a positive and happy thing to him.

5. Family time is important. We must spend time together (before bedtime, for us) every day. All 4 of us.

6.To remember that it is our job as parents to ensure 1-5 happens and parry all negative sentiments from others.

So with that in mind, here is what we did:

1. Before Kitten was conceived, we asked Bear if he wanted a sibling. He said yes.

2. When I was pregnant, we told him we were making the baby for him, and more importantly, that she belonged to him and us, and is also part of this family.

3. When I was tired, I told him making a baby in my tummy was hard work and gave him lots of hugs, kisses, and attention and cuddles while I lay down to rest. We did resty things like reading and playing cars on the bed.

4. I nursed, as painful as it became with my nipples becoming extra sore. I distracted myself with my iPod Touch as I could no longer fall asleep nursing him because of the pain and discomfort.

5. We took care to associate her arrival with wonderful and positive experiences. Like receiving special presents from each parent, and one special one (he has always wanted) from Kitten given when he first meets her. And he got to choose a present for her. It worked beautifully.

6. I tandem nursed as often as I could (too tired to argue anyway). Day time anyway. Night time was tougher as he was nursed to sleep. Someone had to either carry her till he slept or entertain him while she nursed and then dozed off, on her own (of this I am grateful).

7. We do things together. I keep them both close – none of this someone takes him away from me while I am looking after her. Whether changing diapers or nursing or playing. Both kids sit on my lap during story time.

8. I don’t refuse him as much as I can if he wants to nurse. He wants to know I still love him so I show him in that way that I do. Lately he has been asking me if I love him and I take it as a sign that he needs my attention. I always stop what I am doing and look him in the eye and say tenderly, of course I love you… so much.

9. I take time to spend individually with each child. Daddy takes him out to the playground so I have one-on-time with Kitten (even though when he is engrossed in his games I sneak a conversation with her). When she is asleep in our Ergo (which I use all the time with her), I play and read to him.

10. It is tiring and I am often exhausted and screaming for me-time. Accept all the help you can get to rest. But don’t allow anyone to undermine your relationship with your kids. When they say well-meaning things that do hurt him, I reassure him and correct them gently.

Take your time and enjoy each day. Your greatest gift to your children are to help them build a strong and loving bond between them so that years on even after you are gone, they will always still have each other.

Every day we have a playdate either with friends and their children or with family. It has been immensely more enriching for us 3 and although I am physically exhausted by the end of the day, I don’t get cabin fever and feel more alive and surprisingly, awake when out.

Night time is another story. Bear has regressed to waking as much as 20 times a night, primarily in the morning where he MUST nurse. He will let his sister nurse first though if she wakes too and thankfully, the little one sips and dozes off quickly. She only wakes on average of 3 times and not always to nurse, and can fall asleep by herself sometimes, thankfully. I wonder how long sleep regression lasts. It has been exhausting, both emotionally and physically, for both Bear and I.

The other night I took the children to the nearby park and pointed to the sky, telling Bear about the planets, moons, and stars out there and how special we all are, to even exist, against such amazing odds. He was quite enthralled.

Today, DH has taken Bear out to the park and Kitten is entertaining herself on the bed, cooing in delight and talking to herself (“ah papah”) at something only she is entertained by, I am not sure what. So I grab this special me-time and finally write a post.

I am grateful she is a healthy, happy, calm, and good-natured girl. It has helped me manage both of them so much easier despite walking around in a daze of permanent delirium.

If you want to build a airplane, you study to become an aerospace engineer. If you want to be a great lawyer, you study the law. If you want to become a doctor, you learn all you can about medicine and leverage on hundreds of years of medical experience and expertise to apply the best solution to a patient’s problem.

So why do so many parents not approach parenting the same way? Many don’t even bother to pick up a book or Google for advice and instead listen to well-meaning advice (aka hearsay) from dubious sources. The precious generation did not know best. Look at all the outdated practices like spanking and cry-it-out debunked and proven seriously harmful already. Now, surely during this age of enlightenment and science, scientists have come up with a “best practice” for parenting. And indeed they have.

It is attachment parenting. And you don’t even need to pick up a book although I will recommend a few. Google “attachment parenting” and a whole wealth of resources will be at your feet (if you can see them at this point, if pregnant).

Support from the scientific community is evident in the numerous research studies published on the various aspects of AP. It may not be apparent in the general attachment parenting pages but you’ll find them reported in scientific journals and the news. Keep an eye out for them.

Here are some AP practices:

1. Extended nursing
2. Sleep sharing
3. Positive parenting
4. Mutual respect
5. Enforcing limits
6. Natural food
7. Babywearing
8. Lots of hugs and attention, love, care, praise, encouragement, and smiles
9. Encourage baby to bond with others
10. Teach baby respect for himself and others

Now AP has been criticised for being extremely difficult to practice without an army of help. I agree. I have no one but my husband and occasionally my Dad to help out and am exhausted and sleep deprived every day. Everyone needs some time off and I am grateful I encouraged my husband and Dad to bond with Bear since the day he was born. I trust them implicitly to care for him and he loves and adores them very much.

Despite my constant tiredness, Bear and I have a wonderful bond which is evident in our matching grins when we share a joke, laugh together at funny things, sing together, or nurse together when I hold him like a baby again and he looks into my eyes with such love and adoration that I would slay dragons for him. Heck, he even lets me sleep in nowadays and gently suggests I wake once in a while with a big grin in my face and a “Good Morning Mommy!”

He is easy to bring out to town by myself in his Ergo carrier and stays close when on the run. I frequently get comments on how polite, well-spoken, and happy he is. He listens to me and will accept reason, negotiations, and bribery/carrots. (Yes! I am guilty!) Desserts are fruits and treats are tiny Japanese ice creams. He eats all the foods I offer and often asks for more vegetables.

I work very hard to be my husband’s cheerleader, as well as the cheerleader of all those important to my son. They are his heroes and I paint them as kind and loving and shining examples of humanity as I can and when held to task, they often exceed his expectations. For families, there’s this wonderful Ladybird book called My Superdad which I highly recommend everyone buying to read to their child. Dad will feel like a superhero every time his child points at him and says, “Look at that! It’s SuperDad!” like Bear does.

AP is a journey. A wonderful journey for all parents who wish to embark on it. After all, you are building a lifelong relationship with this small mini-me of yours, why not make it a beautiful relationship. It has made me a better, kinder, more patient person (ask any of my friends!) keeping admirable Margaret Thatcher hours. Oh yes, the extra overtime you put in the first few years will save you years of worry, grief, and therapy bills later, so jokes one of the authors below. :p

Highly recommended books for a happy, sociable, smart, and loving child:
Note: no TV or daycare needed:

The Complete Secrets of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph

The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Dr Harvey Karp

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old by Dr Harvey Karp

Making Happy People: The Nature of Happiness and Its Origins in Childhood by Paul Martin

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

]]> http://www.mephala.com/profession-attachment-parent/feed/ 2 http://www.mephala.com/the-strange-hours-we-keep/ http://www.mephala.com/the-strange-hours-we-keep/#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:08:32 +0000 Mephala http://www.mephala.com/?p=113 I admit I get a lot of flak for this. Bear sleeps from 11pm to 11am. I sleep from 4am to 11am. I need my personal time. For a person used to independence and heaps of down time and personal time, motherhood had made creative timekeeping a necessity. But criticism has been all round so I have kept from blogging about it (to stem the flak) till I realised many parents probably do the same and hesitate to tell anyone about it.

Most families, with at least one parent working at least till 6, will have only 1.5 hours face time with their child. This raises the question of what sort of quality time will a child get if he sleeps at 8pm? Working people need to unwind just like the rest of us so how does baby get time with Dad and Mom who just got home?

Let’s do an imaginary schedule: Dad finishes work at 6pm. Comes home by 6.30. Mom gets dinner ready by 7.30 while Dad naps or plays with baby. Meal ends with dessert by 8.30. Dad plays with baby while Mom does dishes. Mom takes a shower and gets ready for baby to have his. Now it is 9.

Baby baths with Dad and gets handed to Mom. 9.15. Mom dries and dresses baby as he plays with his cars. Dad joins them on the bed for reading time. 9.30. 3 books are read and discarded. 10. Baby wants a bit more time with cars. Ok. Mom and Dad negotiate with him and he willingly stops playing by 10.15. Lights out at 10.20 after hugs and kisses.

Baby nurses and finally falls asleep by 11.

Now that is a day we spend at home.

If we go out or to Grandma’s for dinner, we don’t get home till 9.30 or 10. Push forward and baby doesn’t sleep till 11 or 11.30. Sometimes 12.

Then he wakes up for milk at least twice a night. Some nights more, and that makes me wonder about weaning. But as Dr Sears says, weaning is a journey from one relationship to another.

Weaning is not a negative term, nor is it something that you do to a child. Weaning is a journey from one relationship to another. The Hebrew word for wean is gamal, meaning “to ripen.” In ancient times, when children were breastfed until two or three years of age, it was a joyous occasion when a child weaned. It meant the child was filled with the basic tools of the earlier stages of development and secure and ready to enter the next stage of development. A child who is weaned before his time may show anger, aggression, habitual tantrum-like behavior, anxious attachment to caregivers, and an inability to form deep and intimate relationships. We call these traits diseases of premature weaning.

I am glad I decided to breastfeed Bear till he is ready to wean. My gynae nursed her daughter till she self-weaned at 3 and supported my decision to breastfeed till he self-weans. It is sometimes tiring but I realise these nights spent nursing him arm him with a security, strength, and capacity for intimacy he will have all his life and it is worth it. What is 3 years in the face of 90 years for a child I love and adore? Nothing.

Well-meaning people have expressed tons of concern about the weaning and the strange hours we keep. But how strange are the hours? It is a necessity set in place by the working world. A child should not be forced to bed early just so “it is normal” and be denied time with his parents, especially those working. Nor will such children suffer for it because children are highly adaptable. While in Melbourne, Bear woke at 9 with the sun on his face. I had to put him to bed at 9 just so he’d get his 12 hours every night – essential for brain development.

Back home, Bear sleeps from 11pm to 11am (and more recently, 10pm to 11am with a 1-2 hour nap from 3-4 or 3-5 in between). Voluntarily too! I ask him if he is ready to sleep and he says yes, hugs Biscuit and lies down beside me for the joys of having both boobs to himself! He is alert and happy every day and wakes up refreshed with a cheery “wake up, Mama” in my face in the morning and tell me his dreams from the night before.

My mother often says, look at the hours you keep. How will Bear wake up for school next time? Now, if I am a case in point then I reinforce the notion that children are adaptable. I slept from 8pm to 8am from the day I was born till I went to school and STILL I had trouble waking up at 545am. Mom had to literally drag my sorry ass out of bed every day.

The most important thing every parent needs to do is to ensure their child gets 12-14 hours of sleep every day. It is critical for their brain development (yes I have said this twice already but it is critical). Keep your curtains closed (get black-out curtains if you need to) to encourage your child to sleep longer. Nursing babies sleep longer especially with Mom next to them for love and comfort. Here are more sleep tips from Dr Sears. We used many in the early days and they are very helpful, especially understanding how babies sleep.

And the Moms? Before baby, I used to thrive on 9-10 hours sleep a night. Uninterrupted. (Okay, that was before WoW. WoW was training for motherhood. We played from 8pm to 2am every day but that’s another story.) Now my body has gotten used to 5-6 hours a night (a nap with Bear in the afternoon helps). Of course, 8 hours is still ideal but some nights like tonight when I dozed off nursing Bear at 10pm and then waking alert at 1am, and will probably sleep again by 4am, the 6 hours I will get keeps me refreshed.

With nursing, most interruptions are brief and if I am sleeping, mostly unfelt. Bear knows his way around now and helps himself to milk at night! In fact, tonight after his second session, he made a leap, eyes closed, for the boob while I tried to edge away. I was so amused I let him nurse for another session till he unlatched himself and draped himself over my pillow and feet on Daddy’s face.

I have passed the phase of being envious of my friends going out late, of hubby meeting his friends for a drink, or even playing a game of WoW uninterrupted.

I’ve stemmed the endless nursing nights with reading, surfing, gaming, watching a dvd on my laptop, or sewing cloth dolls for Bear while he is asleep – every one needs some personal time. Mine is spent in our room.

And when he wakes, I go to him quickly, stroke his face gently and tell him Mama is here, steal a sniff of his so-sweet breath, and nurse him even before his eyes open.

When I’m done admiring my baby, I either turn on my book light and read while propped over him on the side, continue watching my dvd, or surf with my Nokia N82.

It is sweet and warm and cuddly. And when I am done, I tuck myself in next to him and go to sleep.

Some nights he wakes up but most nights the waking is done while I am awake. So for the 6 to 8 hours I sleep, it is mostly uninterrupted.

Now that I think about it and write it all down, it doesn’t feel endless but a passage to the next day.

Today he mastered 3-puzzle jigsaws. At the last United Square toy fair, I bought him a wooden box full of lovely animal jigsaws. Only today did he bring it out to play and in a blink, he mastered them all.

His vocabulary is increasing exponentially. Today he learnt the phrase “hold the bar” (while coming down stairs). He can easily say complete sentences by himself, but even with new phrases, I don’t need to say 2-3 words at a time. He can copy half sentences after hearing them once.

It has been frequently commented that he is thin. Let’s just say it is genetic and from my side of the family. With double dominant thin genes from his maternal grandparents, it is a slam dunk. He grows proportionally. Today his Dryper XL seems to be getting tighter so I know he is growing. Just a few months ago he was wearing L!

He is 90th percentile for his age group in terms of height at 88-90cm. At 12kg he is 50th percentile for his weight.

He eats all day and I feed him healthy organic fruit and vegetables. He loves blueberries and can say hello to the nice Aunty Nancy at Why Yogurt over in Great World City there, tell her his favourite 3 berries, and remind me that the blue and pink cups that used to be displayed in the glass case are gone.

He loves playing with his cars, puzzles, reading his books, and most sweetly, is most fond of the stuffed cotton rabbit and cat I made him. He hugs them and tells everyone, “Mama made”.

At the toy store, he is happy to just browse and not buy, a habit formed from early days of “looking trips” and the very rare “buying trip”. He is happy with the toys he has at home. Even for his birthday, he just wants another of his favourite car. I was so proud.

He is loving and affectionate, showing kisses and hugs to his grandma, grandpa, mom, and dad. He is very sociable, and readily waves hello and goodbye to people we meet, lending a smile to those he favours.

He greets me every morning with a grin, saying “Good Morning!” and then “Wake up, Mama!” What a fabulous way to wake up.

It has been a happy, sleepy, and wonderful 2 years with this joyful, sweet, delightful little boy. I am glad I stuck by the tenets of attachment parenting, pretty much the only parenting method supported by science and 30 years of peer-reviewed research.

The breastfeeding, co-sleeping (no cry-it-out), babywearing (no pram; sling or carrier only), and focus on positivity (no “you can’t do that”) and encouragement has been a breeze compared to others who complained about what a hassle it is to go out with so much to carry, disobedient kids. It is instant calm when Bear is nursing and his close bond to me has allowed him the security to be one of the most independent kids I know.

Attachment parenting builds a strong bond between mother and child, and equips a child with confidence, love, security, and a helluva lot of smarts.

First of all, no TV. All the studies agree it is harmful. It is common sense that a child spending one hour playing with his toys or running around in the park is learning more than a child passively watching TV, yes, even the “educational” programs. We, as humans, learn best by example, in the real world.

We choose our battles. By allowing him to win the small battles, such as choosing the clothes he’d like to wear, and what toys to play, he allows us to win the big ones, such as when it is time to go (we rarely have a problem with that, after giving him 5 minutes grace then he waves bye bye) and when it is bedtime.

Today he can readily say he is ready to sleep. With the former, he has grown confident of his choices and truly, he has great taste in clothes.

His artwork is all over our home, the prized ones hung in the bedroom. He loves drawing and we regard each piece as a work of art. Just in 3 months, his work has evolved so much. And he is very proud of it.

We negotiate now. I believe it is an important skill he needs in life. He wants to go out to the park. I say okay, after your meal. He thinks about it then looks at me and says ok. And we eat, then we go out. I keep all my promises to him and so does his dad.

Integrity is something so important and yet so overlooked. I was truly blessed to have a father who keeps his word to me every single time since the day I was born. If he says he will bring the newspaper, yes even something as trivial as that, he will. And he has never forgotten. That is how I learnt integrity.

And so I plan to teach it to Bear. For him to become the man I want him to be, I must become the person I want him to be.

To date, he can correctly and consistently identify Earth, Sun, Mercury, Mars, Europa, Io, Pluto, Charon, Dark Matter, Saturn, Jupiter, and Neptune. He must “read” (he says) the book every night before bed and loves pointing out the objects he knows and is keen to learn the nebulas. Tonight he enunciated Retina Nebula, Helix Nebula, Hourglass Nebula, Eta Carinae, Andromeda, and a few more I can’t remember now because it is past 4am – he remembers better than me.

He can id the letters U, N, I, V, E, R, S, and E on the cover. If he forgets, he’ll guess and flash me a huge grin. We laugh and clap enthusiastically whether or not it is correct. Although I’m sure he can see the pride and joy in my eyes when he does get it correct.

Aside from the Universe, he loves his cars. My Dad bought him all the Ferraris from Shell and the revving sound enthralled him for hours on end. I even managed to doze. He can id without fail Minis, Porsches, Mitsubishis, and BMWs. He can id a car (live or on a pic) from miles away. I am amazed sometimes. There’s a live-sized version of his fave black Porsche Cayman S parked at my sister’s house and we always pay it a visit to say hello.

He’s always buoyant and happy even when sick and has quickly learnt never to admit that he’s got a runny nose or else Dad and Mom will make him take medicine. When he doesn’t know something, he’ll take a guess. That might be because we always laugh together whether or not it is correct so he never fears being wrong.

People around me comment how happy he is, how wonderful it is that he sits with us through dinner, and how polite and friendly he is, saying hello, bye, kissing, hugging, and blowing kisses. Yet they also like to comment how clingy he is to me. That’s all part of the process of the peaceful positive attachment parenting philosophy I adopt.

In the wild, it is normal for children to stay close to their mothers, never to follow strangers as it would mean certain death. We and all other living species now have survived because we follow this code. When the children are taught by their mothers, held and feel secure, they are better equipped emotionally and mentally to cope and thrive and coexist with others in the outside world.

I’ve never regretted giving up my career for my son. Although one of the attachment parenting experts say that the rewards will be reaped when your child grows into a healthy, happy, well-adjusted and responsible adult, I think I am seeing the rewards every day I spend with Bear.

Do note that the study has only tracked the children till they are 12 so far. It still cannot tell us how they will be when they are adults.

“Parenting quality significantly predicted all the developmental outcomes and much more strongly than did any of the child-care predictors,” the researchers wrote.

The source of the fuss is the latest installment of a long-running $200 million effort by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. Since 1991, a team of researchers has been tracking more than 1,300 children, following them from infancy through various child-care settings (home with mother, home with another relative, home with nanny, or at day care) and into elementary school. In the March/April issue of Child Development, the team asks “Are There Long-Term Effects of Early Child Care?”

To answer that question, the researchers report their findings about the kids’ academic achievement and behavior through sixth grade. The study controls for a host of variables, like socioeconomic status, quality of parenting (annoyingly, this measure involves only mothers), quality of child care, and quality of the elementary-school classroom. It’s all very well-done and careful.

The higher-than-average incidence of bad behavior showed up only among kids who spent three or four years in day care before the age of 4½.

The kids with more reported behavior problems in elementary school were the ones who spent three or four years in day care and whose care was, on average, of lower quality.

“We found that more time in day-care centers correlates to higher problem behavior scores,” (the study’s author, Margaret) Burchinal said. “This raises the question whether it could be the quality within those centers” that accounts for the effect.

Burchinal points out that on average, day care for infants and toddlers is worse than for preschoolers. It’s more expensive because states require more staff for babies. And the littlest kids don’t get much out of being in a group like the older ones do. The youngest thrive on one-on-one attention, and it takes considerable skill and experience to deftly juggle the needs of a bunch of them. So maybe the real lesson here is a reminder: Day care for infants and toddlers is the hardest to do well. And lower-quality care, coupled with three or four years spent at a center, doesn’t appear to serve kids quite as well as other arrangements (though the difference in slight).

Still, the study’s results, properly explained, do not suggest that kids who spent a year or two in day care when they are 3 and 4—or, in my opinion at least, kids who go to excellent day care for longer periods—will talk back to their teachers and throw more than their share of spitballs when they get older. These kids will behave themselves just fine. As long as their parents don’t screw them up.

(Source and full article: The Kids Are Alright on Slate)

Now as Bear enters his 10th month, we look like we’re going full speed ahead. When he was born, he was placed gently on me and instinctively his mouth sought my breast and he began to suckle. However, like most Asian babies, he had jaundice and had to be kept in the nursery under a UV light for 5 days.

This is when I am grateful for that Robinsons shopping trip I made with my Mom a month ago. Clunky at 9 months, we made what would be my last shopping trip out. I was determined to breastfeed even after returning to work and decided it would be most time efficient to buy a dual breast pump (I got the Medela).

For the five critical days when baby was in hospital without me, I pumped feverishly as engorgement set in 24 hours a day. We made 3-4 deliveries of freshly pumped breast milk to the hospital daily for Bear and I cherished the times when I could nurse him in the nursing room. If I missed his scheduled feeding, I just left the bottle(s) there and looked at him sleeping in his incubator.

When he came home, I had some trouble breastfeeding from sheer exhaustion. So I alternated between nursing and pumping. It helped so much when hubby and I got dengue and was ill beyond belief. Bear never got the bug and my Mom helped feed him at night with my pumped milk while I lay in bed with high fever.

Soon the storm passed and we went home, all well again. I stopped pumping eventually as we steadily eased into a comfortable nursing relationship, but had I not had my breast pumps with me, it might be a different story now.

We had Bear with us for the first 2 days so he had the start of the colostrum (thick yellow fluid which has essential antibodies in them) but the next 5 days had I not pumped, firstly my breasts would have exploded (joking!) and we might have had a bumpier time trying to establish my milk supply again.

On help with breastfeeding, visit the La Leche League. For some mothers it may be tough and difficult to breastfeed initially, but don’t give up. The first month is the hardest. Once you get past that tough stage, I promise it will be worth the ride. For both of you.