Strange Machines

Well, I’ve given up the afternoon for all of us after several fruitless attempts. Both kids are too amused by the arrangement that no one gets any sleep. So Wolf stays up till the occasional doze while we are in the car past 3pm and is relatively cranky during the day. Kitten just sleeps whenever she’s sleepy in the carrier. My back hurts!

Night time was another tricky thing. Initially Kitten was happy for Daddy to carry her to sleep while I nursed Wolf to sleep. But now she recognises Daddy isn’t Mommy. So she screams when he carries her during lights out till he passes her to me.

So when it is lights out, all 4 of us get into bed. I nurse Kitten to sleep while Daddy cuddles Wolf and tells him stories. Sometimes he falls asleep but usually when Kitten is done, he’ll ask for a little milk and then goes to sleep on his own. Sometimes he feels he needs more and tries to persuade me to nurse him before she falls asleep so I do for a short while, and he rolls back to Daddy (who is usually asleep by now) and I nurse Kitten again. Everyone’s happy although I get real sleepy. (Last night he even kneeled to nurse a bit while I nursed Kitten so technically I tandemed both at night even though I was turned towards her.)

Middle of the night wakings continue… Initially Wolf was distressed when he woke up, needed to suckle but his sister was nursing. Lots of screaming and crying ensued but his calmer sister usually dozed off and gave him his turn. These days he wakes less and is happy to wait a bit. She almost sleeps through the night, which is a relief!

The first few months are tough but with help and support from the hubby, it is doable.

One of the difficulties of tandem nursing is when both kids want to nurse at the same time and you don’t or can’t. In the middle of the night and early morning is the toughest because it is hard to balance both while lying down, being really too tired to sit up. Don’t try, you’ll be even more tired.

Day time I can sit down and cuddle both. Hence today I am a zombie today, not because Kitten has been up – she woke thrice but slept again quickly after a brief suckle, but Wolf’d been up every hour howling for milk.

My theory: that damn chocolate cake I ate after dinner plus Wolf didn’t nap that day and had only 10 hours the day before.

I’ll skip the night time chocolate and make sure Wolf gets enough attention and naps today. I need my zzz too… zzz

The first month after delivery is always the toughest. A tired mother needs her body to recover yet also care for her new baby. That’s also the time we realise what we’re missing. For me, it was more pajamas for Kitten, a new breast pump, and milk bottles. Plus lots and lots of diapers.

I also had to entertain Wolf with the promise of presents to make his sister’s presence a positive one. Ok. It is bribery, but it works. So we surfed ShopWiki.com for toys and games as well as toddler books for him.

He’s accepted his sister and is gentle and loving towards her, even when he thinks I am not watching. That is a blessing of both the positive reinforcement with pressies and tandem nursing, although the latter has been tiring for me. I wish I had more support but the consensus by the detractors is that he should be weaned. Still, it is between me and him and I have learnt to stop complaining to them. Only to friends who empathise.

Just one day after I cremated my Boy, I went into labour. Sunday morning my water broke and after a 17 hour labour (4 hours 2nd stage) without epidural – damn thing didn’t work – my little Kitten entered this world kicking and screaming. She’s got a full head of hair and her Daddy’s features. She has been smiling since her very first day in the world.

After a week of phototherapy, we brought her home. She presented Wolf with an Ikea cat and they have been best pals ever since. We have to remind him to be gentle around her but the tandem nursing (which takes some practice at the angling) and the present and the many months of positive reinforcement about his sister helped him accept her almost immediately.

She doesn’t cry much except for food and never for a wet diaper or attention, although she is immensely curious. She loves to smile at me when I call her. She brings us much joy as her brother does.

I just read in one of my pregnancy books that around the 35th week (and that’s when it began) the hormones will turn expectant mothers into aliens. Yes, this post is proof of that. Unnecessary worrying, strange cravings (for sugary food – yuck!), preoccupation with unnecessary things (finishing the courtyard! and maybe sewing some stuffed animals), excessive purchasing of baby things. Heck, I even started Wolf on cloth diapers (bumGenius – not bad at all but for the PUL), and have ordered some wool diapers after I read that PUL could be an endocrine disruptor. Dang.

Meanwhile I am still figuring out this cloth diapering thing. Prefolds, doublers… heck, I just bought an all-in-one. Then I found out that they take a while to dry if I don’t wring them out properly and air every bit of it. They’re expensive too. $30 a pop (or poop) and we’ll need a lot when the little one is born. Currently Wolf just uses it once a day and we change it whenever he is wet during this feeble attempt to toilet train. I haven’t had to wash out poop yet so maybe that’s why I am still chipper about the whole thing.

Even bought the Seventh Generation size 3 diapers which looked so small and thin I haven’t dared to put them on Wolf yet. They are supposed to fit a child of weight up to 13kg but they look small enough to fit only Kaku! I better try them soon though. Wolf’s growing like a weed. Or maybe I can save them for the baby. Hmm…

The courtyard project is almost complete. The glass roof is leaking in 2 places so that’s gonna be fixed soon – clothes can’t hang there yet but I have populated the place with some sun-loving plants, including a sweet basil that freshens up the place a bit. I’ve given up on Boston Ferns which have all but died on me. Ivies too. They hate the heat. Only 2 survive and I am giving them as much TLC as I can before I pop.

Ornery after 8 months of changing cat poo, DH banished Boy to the back with the other cats after he peed and pooed indiscriminately outside his pan after the workmen traipsed all over the area. Surprisingly he’s doing quite well and only Tux seems upset about this new arrangement (maybe cos he is now half Boy’s size and the change in hierarchy since Sam and he broke off and Sam grew bigger than he has affected him somehow). Boy nabbed a nice spot on a chair with a soft towel and seems happy there. I do miss petting him in the kitchen.

Wolf has been clingier than normal, especially at night. And that has been so hard cos it hurts ever more now to nurse. Thankfully it is mostly the first minute then the pain abates. There’s still tons of milk, although it looks more like water to me. Wolf swears it tastes the same. “Nan is the sweetest”, he chirps. And then sings me a song he made up about the joys of nan nan. How can I not give him any?

Back to the feeling alien thing. I think it is the girl hormones. There’s been weeping. Lots. Especially during sad Buffy moments. When Angel left. When Joyce died. All very sad. Even when Riley left! The only other time I cried during a movie or TV show was when the guy Lou Diamond Philips played died in La Bamba. Anyway. Hope I’ll feel more myself after baby is born. And that the labour is short, painless, and safe…

It’s been an interesting pregnancy to say the least. And I have not been myself. Much.

Hang upside down and I still upchuck my food, I cry at a drop of a hat, and I wilt under the hot sun. I worry unnecessarily, eat too much junk, and can’t walk round the zoo anymore. Very not me.

Still, my dear friends and family take me and Wolf out and cheer me much. Today my sweet friend Carol buoyed me with a lovely story of how she rescued a turtle from being cooked in a Hong Kong restaurant.

I feel distinctly hippo-like although I have been told I look “compact” (by strangers largely). Friends and family have told me I look much bigger. I’ve gained 16kg and as of 33 weeks, my baby girl is 2.1kg. A good weight, the doctor says. She’s growing well.

After a meal I feel like throwing up. Yes, even in the third trimester. My back hurts constantly. My pelvis feels like an elephant is sitting on it. I move like one too. And that awful insomnia is back. Doesn’t help that Wolf senses baby is coming and has been waking up more often at night for milk.

The thought of an epidural frightens me some still. I’d be lying if I wasn’t feeling a little eww about THAT CUT again. The prospect of a potential C-section is terrifying. The indignity of the enema is well, undignified. Thing about labour is no one can predict what it will be.

Still, I’m looking forward to the birth in 6 weeks (plus, minus). Of meeting this little girl who has been growing inside me and hoping real hard all the stress from the whole pregnancy won’t have affected her, nor the potential poisons – pollution, smoke, pesticides, etc – I have unintentionally exposed her to.

I hope she’ll have the resilience of my mother, the memory (literally – he has a memory like a computer) and reliability of my father, the different smarts of her parents, her Daddy’s charm and steadfastness, my nose, and my mother’s eyes. She has the prettiest eyes in my whole family.

And Wolf? He’s growing like a weed. 1m tall already. A genius with the iTouch. He spies the new games I download for him in a flash. Last night he discovered a yoga app I downloaded for myself and proceeded to copy its moves. His Dad and I had a ball of a time watching and instructing him. He continued his yoga practice this morning. :p

He’s sweet, smart, funny, and a sheer delight to be with. He’s the reason why I decided to have a second. Ready for his sister (somewhat), he is prepared to share only one boob with her and has agreed to allow her to sit on his lap while nursing.

It is going to be an interesting 6 weeks to come.

As those who know me know, I can be stubborn as a mule. There were violent protests when I told everyone I’d be nursing Wolf even during pregnancy but the toughest part was not the critics but the soreness of my nipples.

A yelp-worthy pain, for the first 10 seconds or so, and then it is okay. But with toddler teeth, especially with a half-asleep baby, it can turn into scream-worthy agony when he bites down unintentionally, like he did tonight. I begged him to let go and in his sleep, he did! Nipple is still stinging though.

At 2.5 years, Wolf is not quite yet prepared to wean. He does release the nipple most times and says, “enough” and rolls over to sleep by himself, so maybe he is partway to self-weaning (the most ideal way). It must have been his 5 day bout of the flu that kickstarted his back-to-back nursing again.

There’s really no solution to it but deep breathing, grinning, and baring it. I’ve been doing that since I got pregnant and the soreness is not abating. In fact some articles say it might get worse in the 2nd trimester! Still I’m not giving up, but I am going to try some gentle negotiation during the day and try to be more positive about it myself. (Bought an iTouch with hubby’s blessing to distract during long and painful nursing sessions.)

I’ve been lurking at the KellyMom boards and found some really helpful advice as well as a link to a great article at the LLL about Love, Limits, and Tandem Nursing. Just had to share it.

On a separate note, I just realised that aside from IncomeShield, I have no other health insurance since my corporate one lapsed when I left my last job. Here, maternity insurance is real hefty, so I think I’ll take my chances with the good and competent staff of our government hospitals.