Strange Machines

Since she turned one, almost overnight Kitten became incredibly attached to me. She would howl if I was out of sight and inconsolable till I picked her up.

I read on Babycenter that this is normal for her age (and vaguely recollect that her brother was the same). Funnily enough, Wolf is the same now too.

It is like they are feeding off each other’s emotions. Night time it is a competition: who can nurse more. But I take it in my stride.

Maybe 4 years of night waking has made me immune and/or I’ve learnt to cherish the late night cuddle time with my little ones before they grow up all too fast and I have to start bribing for a cuddle.

There must have been an invite I missed out on cos tonight is apparently a nightwaking party. Every hour the kids would take turns waking. Nurse them each to bed. Sneak off to comp. Howl goes another kid. Sigh. I think I know why my name wasn’t on that list now.

It doesn’t feel like I ever sleep at all. Maybe it is because I’d spent the last few nights up doing the migration and every hour running to the bedroom to nurse one or more children back to sleep.

When I finally hit the bed I pass out till one or more kids wake up and the night nursing dance begins again.

When will I sleep again, I don’t know. But it is someday and for now, I wearily sniff my babies’ sweet cheeks and hair and work on enjoying these precious moments.

Yes, we are still tandem nursing and some nights like tonight, the kids literally take turns waking and by morning I would have barely slept at all.

I’m criticised a lot for this, especially in a society where most women don’t breastfeed past a month. Wolf gets the brunt of it for still nursing at 3+.

But as I read other blogs where moms practice peaceful parenting (well more peaceful than me), self-weaning is the natural way to go.

Critics had similar reservations about his potty training, even commenting he would be in diapers till he was 10. But one day he just decided he was ready for the toilet himself and he never looked back.

I believe for nursing it will be the same.

For now I will enjoy our nursing relationship as long as he cares to continue, knowing one day he won’t need to curl up in my arms to nurse anymore.

It is easy to be pensive and philosophical this late at night. The brain practically demands it.

Wrote NAK.

I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been falling asleep a lot while nursing both kids to sleep. They both latch on and nurse till they sleep. Kitten usually unlatches first and rolls over to her crib and then Wolf rolls over to his side and sleeps too.

But when the nightwaking party begins, all bets are off. Sometimes one wakes and calls for me, waking the other if I don’t hear the escalating calls, and I’m back to tandem nursing them both back to bed. Maybe that is more efficient, because often after nursing one back to bed, the other wakes.

Still, I am grateful I have my iPhone and usually play some inane game or read some news offline to pass the time. I could look lovingly at them as I nurse them to sleep but it is too dark. Sometimes I do shine a bit of light on their sweet sleeping faces and think aww…

2200: Late already. Dang. Put Kitten’s diaper on and dress her.

2217: Wolf finally dressed after bribery of stories I made up on the spot.

2228: Lights out. Kitten nurses. Play Ranch Rush on iPod Touch. Third time already. Quite bored of it. Play Orions. Wonder if still remember after such a long break.

2312: Wolf nurses along with Kitten. Play Orions. Thrash computer with my fave deck.

0012: Yay! Kitten and Wolf are out.

0015: Go get supper. Check Facebook. Reply email. Eat some Kettle chips. Drink organic milk.

0035: Kitten wakes. Sigh. Play Who’s Got The Biggest Brain game on iPod Touch. Attain Cyborg status by choosing most skilled tests on pro level. Bored now.

0056: Oh no, Wolf stirring. Phew! He went back to sleep. Kitten still nursing feverishly. Like a deep sea diver breathing.

0058: Try pulling away but she’s not letting go. Sigh.

0101: Try pulling away again but she still holding tight. Sigh. Gonna try to unlatch…

0104: Failed. Wondering if resident roaches eating my Kettle chips.

0109: Unlatched. Kitten flailed but went to sleep. Returning to chips.

0147: Wolf stirs. I spot a roach on my bed! Run out and get a rolled up newspaper, swat the bastard off, he falls on the ground. I whack but he escapes under the bed. Damn! And Wolf sits up rubbing his eyes. Ma, he calls. And I nurse again.

0225: He’s done.

0310: Wolf wakes up with a “Ma uh Nan”, sniffle. I’ve finished placing 2 more traps under the bed to catch that confounded beast. Tomorrow I’m buying industrial strength traps. Managed to order a nice silicone case, the Agent18 Flowervest (very pretty!), for my iPod Touch and download a couple of apps. Yawn. Will sleep after this feed.

0328: Kitten is up. Does her hyperventilating sound and I hurry to nurse her. Sigh.

0348: Kitten finally done. Can I finally sleep?

0354: Brushed teeth, turned off light and net, ready for bed. Checked for roach. None. Wolf wakes. “Mom Nan,” he says. I nurse him. Kitten wheezes. I cower in fear. she stops. Only sound is Wolf drinking milk. Gonna try close my eyes now. Hope the roach gets stuck in one of my traps!

0403: Reclaimed boob. Gonna zzz now.

0607: Kitten wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

0715: Wolf wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

1050: Alarm goes. I press snooze 3x before reaching for the chilled packet of crysanthemum white tea with Wolf still attached. I drink it and feel more awake. Time to get up.

Between the 0715 feed and now, the kids woke again, maybe twice but too sleepy to register.

The kids get 12 hours sleep each which is so important for the development of their brain.

Note: This post was written on my iPod Touch. Yay!

It felt like I had much more time to myself before I had a second child. Wolf was bathed, we had plenty of time to read books together and he had time to play games by himself while his Dad and I chatted or he gave me a quick back rub (for carrying his son around all day).

Having a baby and toddler definitely takes more time and energy, especially at night. We must leave wherever we are by 8.30pm or the very latest, 9pm. I bathe Kitten while Daddy bathes Wolf, in that order. Then I dress both children, read a little to Wolf (not as much as before I regret), Kitten gets tummy time, and lights out at 10.30pm.

Kitten gets nursed to bed first, while Daddy reads to Wolf or lets him watch some animals on YouTube. Sometimes he comes in looking for me and I nurse him too. He crawls into a kneeling position while I nurse Kitten on my side or at a 45 degree angle facing Kitten. Or else, when Kitten falls asleep, which can take on average an hour, I call Wolf and he nurses to sleep too.

That can take another hour. So if I am lucky, I get off duty (although on call) by 11.30pm. On average, it is midnight. Really unlucky, 12.30pm or 1am because Kitten has woken up and needs to be nursed again or worse, wakes Wolf up too so repeat and rinse.

By which time I am famished and parched and need a snack, which I enjoy in front of the computer, in the same room as the kids so I can run to them if they call for me, which is relatively often or by 3-4am. Or in Wolf’s case, maybe 2am. But usually after my supper.

I wish I and other stay-home moms would not be berated for claiming some me-time at the expense of sleep. We are human too, and need to unwind. And with 2, there is even less time left in the night to claim.

No leaks last night!

I learnt that boys need more padding in the front; girls centre. Yes, logical but to a sleep deprived mother, sometimes it is easier to have it all written down.

Wolf’s night diapering solution:

1 Loveybums XL organic cloth diaper
1 hemp soaker doubled in the front
1 Loveybums XL organic wool cover

Kitten’s night diapering solution:

1 Loveybums organic fleece top layer (taken from the L diaper)
1 hemp soaker laid flat
1 BumGenius organic all-in-one diaper

Yay!

And more diapers are on the way so Wolf can go cloth during the day too.

This morning Wolf woke me around 6 telling me he was wet. He’d slept on his tummy and there was leakage from the front because I keep the diaper and cover loose for more air.

He didn’t sleep again till 9ish and I was beat, having fallen asleep only at 3. Thankfully he dozed for another 2 hours but during which Kitten woke and kept me up too.

She’d also leaked from the back of her BumGenius which had the Loveybums fleece layer inside it. The diaper was completely soaked through so I knew she needed more padding.

Tonight she wears the same combo but with the hemp soaker inside. I tried the L Loveybums diaper with soaker and the Loveybums wool cover or BumGenius over it but there was just too much gap between the leg and diaper that I abandoned both ideas.

Wolf wears the same Loveybums diaper, hemp soaker, and wool cover over. This time I flattened the whole soaker instead of folding it. Let’s see how that goes.

Meanwhile, I seriously need sleep… Can feel my system shutting down…

After a ton of research when we were considering another child, we put in place a few rules to prepare him:

1. Wolf must feel and know that Kitten belongs to us. We are a family.

2. We must make him feel she is worthy of all our love and that she takes away none of our love from him.

3. Sharing is emphasized. Sharing is what a family does.

4. Having a sister must be a positive and happy thing to him.

5. Family time is important. We must spend time together (before bedtime, for us) every day. All 4 of us.

6.To remember that it is our job as parents to ensure 1-5 happens and parry all negative sentiments from others.

So with that in mind, here is what we did:

1. Before Kitten was conceived, we asked Wolf if he wanted a sibling. He said yes.

2. When I was pregnant, we told him we were making the baby for him, and more importantly, that she belonged to him and us, and is also part of this family.

3. When I was tired, I told him making a baby in my tummy was hard work and gave him lots of hugs, kisses, and attention and cuddles while I lay down to rest. We did resty things like reading and playing cars on the bed.

4. I nursed, as painful as it became with my nipples becoming extra sore. I distracted myself with my iPod Touch as I could no longer fall asleep nursing him because of the pain and discomfort.

5. We took care to associate her arrival with wonderful and positive experiences. Like receiving special presents from each parent, and one special one (he has always wanted) from Kitten given when he first meets her. And he got to choose a present for her. It worked beautifully.

6. I tandem nursed as often as I could (too tired to argue anyway). Day time anyway. Night time was tougher as he was nursed to sleep. Someone had to either carry her till he slept or entertain him while she nursed and then dozed off, on her own (of this I am grateful).

7. We do things together. I keep them both close – none of this someone takes him away from me while I am looking after her. Whether changing diapers or nursing or playing. Both kids sit on my lap during story time.

8. I don’t refuse him as much as I can if he wants to nurse. He wants to know I still love him so I show him in that way that I do. Lately he has been asking me if I love him and I take it as a sign that he needs my attention. I always stop what I am doing and look him in the eye and say tenderly, of course I love you… so much.

9. I take time to spend individually with each child. Daddy takes him out to the playground so I have one-on-time with Kitten (even though when he is engrossed in his games I sneak a conversation with her). When she is asleep in our Ergo (which I use all the time with her), I play and read to him.

10. It is tiring and I am often exhausted and screaming for me-time. Accept all the help you can get to rest. But don’t allow anyone to undermine your relationship with your kids. When they say well-meaning things that do hurt him, I reassure him and correct them gently.

Take your time and enjoy each day. Your greatest gift to your children are to help them build a strong and loving bond between them so that years on even after you are gone, they will always still have each other.