Strange Machines

I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been falling asleep a lot while nursing both kids to sleep. They both latch on and nurse till they sleep. Jade usually unlatches first and rolls over to her crib and then Jack rolls over to his side and sleeps too.

But when the nightwaking party begins, all bets are off. Sometimes one wakes and calls for me, waking the other if I don’t hear the escalating calls, and I’m back to tandem nursing them both back to bed. Maybe that is more efficient, because often after nursing one back to bed, the other wakes.

Still, I am grateful I have my iPhone and usually play some inane game or read some news offline to pass the time. I could look lovingly at them as I nurse them to sleep but it is too dark. Sometimes I do shine a bit of light on their sweet sleeping faces and think aww…

Most recently, Jack and Jade have started waking up at night at the same time. Although they still take turns to wake multiple times – Jade twice to thrice and Jack anything from 3-6 times – it is usually only once a night when they wake in tandem.

But last night, twice, I ran into the bedroom to find both kids sitting up in bed beside the other, looking rather dazed. So I hugged them both and nursed them back to sleep.

Talk about a conspiracy but how cute it is to see the two of them sitting together in the dark.

2200: Late already. Dang. Put Jade’s diaper on and dress her.

2217: Jack finally dressed after bribery of stories I made up on the spot.

2228: Lights out. Jade nurses. Play Ranch Rush on iPod Touch. Third time already. Quite bored of it. Play Orions. Wonder if still remember after such a long break.

2312: Jack nurses along with Jade. Play Orions. Thrash computer with my fave deck.

0012: Yay! Jade and Jack are out.

0015: Go get supper. Check Facebook. Reply email. Eat some Kettle chips. Drink organic milk.

0035: Jade wakes. Sigh. Play Who’s Got The Biggest Brain game on iPod Touch. Attain Cyborg status by choosing most skilled tests on pro level. Bored now.

0056: Oh no, Jack stirring. Phew! He went back to sleep. Jade still nursing feverishly. Like a deep sea diver breathing.

0058: Try pulling away but she’s not letting go. Sigh.

0101: Try pulling away again but she still holding tight. Sigh. Gonna try to unlatch…

0104: Failed. Wondering if resident roaches eating my Kettle chips.

0109: Unlatched. Jade flailed but went to sleep. Returning to chips.

0147: Jack stirs. I spot a roach on my bed! Run out and get a rolled up newspaper, swat the bastard off, he falls on the ground. I whack but he escapes under the bed. Damn! And Jack sits up rubbing his eyes. Ma, he calls. And I nurse again.

0225: He’s done.

0310: Jack wakes up with a “Ma uh Nan”, sniffle. I’ve finished placing 2 more traps under the bed to catch that confounded beast. Tomorrow I’m buying industrial strength traps. Managed to order a nice silicone case, the Agent18 Flowervest (very pretty!), for my iPod Touch and download a couple of apps. Yawn. Will sleep after this feed.

0328: Jade is up. Does her hyperventilating sound and I hurry to nurse her. Sigh.

0348: Jade finally done. Can I finally sleep?

0354: Brushed teeth, turned off light and net, ready for bed. Checked for roach. None. Jack wakes. “Mom Nan,” he says. I nurse him. Jade wheezes. I cower in fear. she stops. Only sound is Jack drinking milk. Gonna try close my eyes now. Hope the roach gets stuck in one of my traps!

0403: Reclaimed boob. Gonna zzz now.

0607: Jade wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

0715: Jack wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

1050: Alarm goes. I press snooze 3x before reaching for the chilled packet of crysanthemum white tea with Jack still attached. I drink it and feel more awake. Time to get up.

Between the 0715 feed and now, the kids woke again, maybe twice but too sleepy to register.

The kids get 12 hours sleep each which is so important for the development of their brain.

Note: This post was written on my iPod Touch. Yay!

It felt like I had much more time to myself before I had a second child. Jack was bathed, we had plenty of time to read books together and he had time to play games by himself while his Dad and I chatted or he gave me a quick back rub (for carrying his son around all day).

Having a baby and toddler definitely takes more time and energy, especially at night. We must leave wherever we are by 8.30pm or the very latest, 9pm. I bathe Jade while Daddy bathes Jack, in that order. Then I dress both children, read a little to Jack (not as much as before I regret), Jade gets tummy time, and lights out at 10.30pm.

Jade gets nursed to bed first, while Daddy reads to Jack or lets him watch some animals on YouTube. Sometimes he comes in looking for me and I nurse him too. He crawls into a kneeling position while I nurse Jade on my side or at a 45 degree angle facing Jade. Or else, when Jade falls asleep, which can take on average an hour, I call Jack and he nurses to sleep too.

That can take another hour. So if I am lucky, I get off duty (although on call) by 11.30pm. On average, it is midnight. Really unlucky, 12.30pm or 1am because Jade has woken up and needs to be nursed again or worse, wakes Jack up too so repeat and rinse.

By which time I am famished and parched and need a snack, which I enjoy in front of the computer, in the same room as the kids so I can run to them if they call for me, which is relatively often or by 3-4am. Or in Jack’s case, maybe 2am. But usually after my supper.

I wish I and other stay-home moms would not be berated for claiming some me-time at the expense of sleep. We are human too, and need to unwind. And with 2, there is even less time left in the night to claim.

No leaks last night!

I learnt that boys need more padding in the front; girls centre. Yes, logical but to a sleep deprived mother, sometimes it is easier to have it all written down.

Jack’s night diapering solution:

1 Loveybums XL organic cloth diaper
1 hemp soaker doubled in the front
1 Loveybums XL organic wool cover

Jade’s night diapering solution:

1 Loveybums organic fleece top layer (taken from the L diaper)
1 hemp soaker laid flat
1 BumGenius organic all-in-one diaper

Yay!

And more diapers are on the way so Jack can go cloth during the day too.

This morning Jack woke me around 6 telling me he was wet. He’d slept on his tummy and there was leakage from the front because I keep the diaper and cover loose for more air.

He didn’t sleep again till 9ish and I was beat, having fallen asleep only at 3. Thankfully he dozed for another 2 hours but during which Jade woke and kept me up too.

She’d also leaked from the back of her BumGenius which had the Loveybums fleece layer inside it. The diaper was completely soaked through so I knew she needed more padding.

Tonight she wears the same combo but with the hemp soaker inside. I tried the L Loveybums diaper with soaker and the Loveybums wool cover or BumGenius over it but there was just too much gap between the leg and diaper that I abandoned both ideas.

Jack wears the same Loveybums diaper, hemp soaker, and wool cover over. This time I flattened the whole soaker instead of folding it. Let’s see how that goes.

Meanwhile, I seriously need sleep… Can feel my system shutting down…

After a ton of research when we were considering another child, we put in place a few rules to prepare him:

1. Jack must feel and know that Jade belongs to us. We are a family.

2. We must make him feel she is worthy of all our love and that she takes away none of our love from him.

3. Sharing is emphasized. Sharing is what a family does.

4. Having a sister must be a positive and happy thing to him.

5. Family time is important. We must spend time together (before bedtime, for us) every day. All 4 of us.

6.To remember that it is our job as parents to ensure 1-5 happens and parry all negative sentiments from others.

So with that in mind, here is what we did:

1. Before Jade was conceived, we asked Jack if he wanted a sibling. He said yes.

2. When I was pregnant, we told him we were making the baby for him, and more importantly, that she belonged to him and us, and is also part of this family.

3. When I was tired, I told him making a baby in my tummy was hard work and gave him lots of hugs, kisses, and attention and cuddles while I lay down to rest. We did resty things like reading and playing cars on the bed.

4. I nursed, as painful as it became with my nipples becoming extra sore. I distracted myself with my iPod Touch as I could no longer fall asleep nursing him because of the pain and discomfort.

5. We took care to associate her arrival with wonderful and positive experiences. Like receiving special presents from each parent, and one special one (he has always wanted) from Jade given when he first meets her. And he got to choose a present for her. It worked beautifully.

6. I tandem nursed as often as I could (too tired to argue anyway). Day time anyway. Night time was tougher as he was nursed to sleep. Someone had to either carry her till he slept or entertain him while she nursed and then dozed off, on her own (of this I am grateful).

7. We do things together. I keep them both close – none of this someone takes him away from me while I am looking after her. Whether changing diapers or nursing or playing. Both kids sit on my lap during story time.

8. I don’t refuse him as much as I can if he wants to nurse. He wants to know I still love him so I show him in that way that I do. Lately he has been asking me if I love him and I take it as a sign that he needs my attention. I always stop what I am doing and look him in the eye and say tenderly, of course I love you… so much.

9. I take time to spend individually with each child. Daddy takes him out to the playground so I have one-on-time with Jade (even though when he is engrossed in his games I sneak a conversation with her). When she is asleep in our Ergo (which I use all the time with her), I play and read to him.

10. It is tiring and I am often exhausted and screaming for me-time. Accept all the help you can get to rest. But don’t allow anyone to undermine your relationship with your kids. When they say well-meaning things that do hurt him, I reassure him and correct them gently.

Take your time and enjoy each day. Your greatest gift to your children are to help them build a strong and loving bond between them so that years on even after you are gone, they will always still have each other.

Well, I’ve given up the afternoon for all of us after several fruitless attempts. Both kids are too amused by the arrangement that no one gets any sleep. So Jack stays up till the occasional doze while we are in the car past 3pm and is relatively cranky during the day. Jade just sleeps whenever she’s sleepy in the carrier. My back hurts!

Night time was another tricky thing. Initially Jade was happy for Daddy to carry her to sleep while I nursed Jack to sleep. But now she recognises Daddy isn’t Mommy. So she screams when he carries her during lights out till he passes her to me.

So when it is lights out, all 4 of us get into bed. I nurse Jade to sleep while Daddy cuddles Jack and tells him stories. Sometimes he falls asleep but usually when Jade is done, he’ll ask for a little milk and then goes to sleep on his own. Sometimes he feels he needs more and tries to persuade me to nurse him before she falls asleep so I do for a short while, and he rolls back to Daddy (who is usually asleep by now) and I nurse Jade again. Everyone’s happy although I get real sleepy. (Last night he even kneeled to nurse a bit while I nursed Jade so technically I tandemed both at night even though I was turned towards her.)

Middle of the night wakings continue… Initially Jack was distressed when he woke up, needed to suckle but his sister was nursing. Lots of screaming and crying ensued but his calmer sister usually dozed off and gave him his turn. These days he wakes less and is happy to wait a bit. She almost sleeps through the night, which is a relief!

The first few months are tough but with help and support from the hubby, it is doable.

One of the difficulties of tandem nursing is when both kids want to nurse at the same time and you don’t or can’t. In the middle of the night and early morning is the toughest because it is hard to balance both while lying down, being really too tired to sit up. Don’t try, you’ll be even more tired.

Day time I can sit down and cuddle both. Hence today I am a zombie today, not because Jade has been up – she woke thrice but slept again quickly after a brief suckle, but Jack’d been up every hour howling for milk.

My theory: that damn chocolate cake I ate after dinner plus Jack didn’t nap that day and had only 10 hours the day before.

I’ll skip the night time chocolate and make sure Jack gets enough attention and naps today. I need my zzz too… zzz

The first month after delivery is always the toughest. A tired mother needs her body to recover yet also care for her new baby. That’s also the time we realise what we’re missing. For me, it was more pajamas for Jade, a new breast pump, and milk bottles. Plus lots and lots of diapers.

I also had to entertain Jack with the promise of presents to make his sister’s presence a positive one. Ok. It is bribery, but it works. So we surfed ShopWiki.com for toys and games as well as toddler books for him.

He’s accepted his sister and is gentle and loving towards her, even when he thinks I am not watching. That is a blessing of both the positive reinforcement with pressies and tandem nursing, although the latter has been tiring for me. I wish I had more support but the consensus by the detractors is that he should be weaned. Still, it is between me and him and I have learnt to stop complaining to them. Only to friends who empathise.