Strange Machines

This phenomenon is apparently not new, but it certainly is funny to watch! Kitten has started crawling but backwards and gets mighty ornery when she gets backed into a corner.

Meanwhile she and her brother are getting along great! Every morning she chuckles when Wolf goes to say good morning to her and he watches her while I go get washed up and water the plants, wash the diapers, etc. The great thing about having 2 is that they rarely miss Mom when she has to pop away for a short while. I can often hear them laughing about something funny Wolf is doing to amuse his sister.

Today she couldn’t stop laughing at him balancing on the top of the couch while her Daddy carried her. I’m glad she has a wonderful sense of humour, except when she gets backed into a corner. :p

2200: Late already. Dang. Put Kitten’s diaper on and dress her.

2217: Wolf finally dressed after bribery of stories I made up on the spot.

2228: Lights out. Kitten nurses. Play Ranch Rush on iPod Touch. Third time already. Quite bored of it. Play Orions. Wonder if still remember after such a long break.

2312: Wolf nurses along with Kitten. Play Orions. Thrash computer with my fave deck.

0012: Yay! Kitten and Wolf are out.

0015: Go get supper. Check Facebook. Reply email. Eat some Kettle chips. Drink organic milk.

0035: Kitten wakes. Sigh. Play Who’s Got The Biggest Brain game on iPod Touch. Attain Cyborg status by choosing most skilled tests on pro level. Bored now.

0056: Oh no, Wolf stirring. Phew! He went back to sleep. Kitten still nursing feverishly. Like a deep sea diver breathing.

0058: Try pulling away but she’s not letting go. Sigh.

0101: Try pulling away again but she still holding tight. Sigh. Gonna try to unlatch…

0104: Failed. Wondering if resident roaches eating my Kettle chips.

0109: Unlatched. Kitten flailed but went to sleep. Returning to chips.

0147: Wolf stirs. I spot a roach on my bed! Run out and get a rolled up newspaper, swat the bastard off, he falls on the ground. I whack but he escapes under the bed. Damn! And Wolf sits up rubbing his eyes. Ma, he calls. And I nurse again.

0225: He’s done.

0310: Wolf wakes up with a “Ma uh Nan”, sniffle. I’ve finished placing 2 more traps under the bed to catch that confounded beast. Tomorrow I’m buying industrial strength traps. Managed to order a nice silicone case, the Agent18 Flowervest (very pretty!), for my iPod Touch and download a couple of apps. Yawn. Will sleep after this feed.

0328: Kitten is up. Does her hyperventilating sound and I hurry to nurse her. Sigh.

0348: Kitten finally done. Can I finally sleep?

0354: Brushed teeth, turned off light and net, ready for bed. Checked for roach. None. Wolf wakes. “Mom Nan,” he says. I nurse him. Kitten wheezes. I cower in fear. she stops. Only sound is Wolf drinking milk. Gonna try close my eyes now. Hope the roach gets stuck in one of my traps!

0403: Reclaimed boob. Gonna zzz now.

0607: Kitten wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

0715: Wolf wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

1050: Alarm goes. I press snooze 3x before reaching for the chilled packet of crysanthemum white tea with Wolf still attached. I drink it and feel more awake. Time to get up.

Between the 0715 feed and now, the kids woke again, maybe twice but too sleepy to register.

The kids get 12 hours sleep each which is so important for the development of their brain.

Note: This post was written on my iPod Touch. Yay!

It felt like I had much more time to myself before I had a second child. Wolf was bathed, we had plenty of time to read books together and he had time to play games by himself while his Dad and I chatted or he gave me a quick back rub (for carrying his son around all day).

Having a baby and toddler definitely takes more time and energy, especially at night. We must leave wherever we are by 8.30pm or the very latest, 9pm. I bathe Kitten while Daddy bathes Wolf, in that order. Then I dress both children, read a little to Wolf (not as much as before I regret), Kitten gets tummy time, and lights out at 10.30pm.

Kitten gets nursed to bed first, while Daddy reads to Wolf or lets him watch some animals on YouTube. Sometimes he comes in looking for me and I nurse him too. He crawls into a kneeling position while I nurse Kitten on my side or at a 45 degree angle facing Kitten. Or else, when Kitten falls asleep, which can take on average an hour, I call Wolf and he nurses to sleep too.

That can take another hour. So if I am lucky, I get off duty (although on call) by 11.30pm. On average, it is midnight. Really unlucky, 12.30pm or 1am because Kitten has woken up and needs to be nursed again or worse, wakes Wolf up too so repeat and rinse.

By which time I am famished and parched and need a snack, which I enjoy in front of the computer, in the same room as the kids so I can run to them if they call for me, which is relatively often or by 3-4am. Or in Wolf’s case, maybe 2am. But usually after my supper.

I wish I and other stay-home moms would not be berated for claiming some me-time at the expense of sleep. We are human too, and need to unwind. And with 2, there is even less time left in the night to claim.

Since Kitten was born, Wolf went from waking once or twice a night to seeral times a night. He even wakes more often than Kitten. It is 2.33am now and he’s been up 3x since he slept at 11pm.

Undoubtedly it is insecurity due to his sister’s arrival. He almost always needs me to comfort him and will fight for milk in the middle of he night. Although, at bedtime he’ll let her drink first.

Daytime I try to spend more time with him but still sometimes he will ask me, Mom do you love me? It is so heartbreaking to hear. I always reassure him but sometimes it is not enough.

He dotes on her though. Tells everyone that she is his baby. Is largely gentle with her. I let him hug and kiss her, hold my breath and trust him to do well by her and he never disappoints me.

I trust him alone with her when I go and get something. He knows to watch and take care of her. He tells me, this is our family. He knows we belong together. This is when I know doing everything together benefits their bond.

It is so important for us to nurture their relationship. Too often, others will shoo the older one away from the younger one or say don’t touch or disturb her, but really we need to exercise some trust in our children or they may never learn to be trustworthy.

After a ton of research when we were considering another child, we put in place a few rules to prepare him:

1. Wolf must feel and know that Kitten belongs to us. We are a family.

2. We must make him feel she is worthy of all our love and that she takes away none of our love from him.

3. Sharing is emphasized. Sharing is what a family does.

4. Having a sister must be a positive and happy thing to him.

5. Family time is important. We must spend time together (before bedtime, for us) every day. All 4 of us.

6.To remember that it is our job as parents to ensure 1-5 happens and parry all negative sentiments from others.

So with that in mind, here is what we did:

1. Before Kitten was conceived, we asked Wolf if he wanted a sibling. He said yes.

2. When I was pregnant, we told him we were making the baby for him, and more importantly, that she belonged to him and us, and is also part of this family.

3. When I was tired, I told him making a baby in my tummy was hard work and gave him lots of hugs, kisses, and attention and cuddles while I lay down to rest. We did resty things like reading and playing cars on the bed.

4. I nursed, as painful as it became with my nipples becoming extra sore. I distracted myself with my iPod Touch as I could no longer fall asleep nursing him because of the pain and discomfort.

5. We took care to associate her arrival with wonderful and positive experiences. Like receiving special presents from each parent, and one special one (he has always wanted) from Kitten given when he first meets her. And he got to choose a present for her. It worked beautifully.

6. I tandem nursed as often as I could (too tired to argue anyway). Day time anyway. Night time was tougher as he was nursed to sleep. Someone had to either carry her till he slept or entertain him while she nursed and then dozed off, on her own (of this I am grateful).

7. We do things together. I keep them both close – none of this someone takes him away from me while I am looking after her. Whether changing diapers or nursing or playing. Both kids sit on my lap during story time.

8. I don’t refuse him as much as I can if he wants to nurse. He wants to know I still love him so I show him in that way that I do. Lately he has been asking me if I love him and I take it as a sign that he needs my attention. I always stop what I am doing and look him in the eye and say tenderly, of course I love you… so much.

9. I take time to spend individually with each child. Daddy takes him out to the playground so I have one-on-time with Kitten (even though when he is engrossed in his games I sneak a conversation with her). When she is asleep in our Ergo (which I use all the time with her), I play and read to him.

10. It is tiring and I am often exhausted and screaming for me-time. Accept all the help you can get to rest. But don’t allow anyone to undermine your relationship with your kids. When they say well-meaning things that do hurt him, I reassure him and correct them gently.

Take your time and enjoy each day. Your greatest gift to your children are to help them build a strong and loving bond between them so that years on even after you are gone, they will always still have each other.

Well, I’ve given up the afternoon for all of us after several fruitless attempts. Both kids are too amused by the arrangement that no one gets any sleep. So Wolf stays up till the occasional doze while we are in the car past 3pm and is relatively cranky during the day. Kitten just sleeps whenever she’s sleepy in the carrier. My back hurts!

Night time was another tricky thing. Initially Kitten was happy for Daddy to carry her to sleep while I nursed Wolf to sleep. But now she recognises Daddy isn’t Mommy. So she screams when he carries her during lights out till he passes her to me.

So when it is lights out, all 4 of us get into bed. I nurse Kitten to sleep while Daddy cuddles Wolf and tells him stories. Sometimes he falls asleep but usually when Kitten is done, he’ll ask for a little milk and then goes to sleep on his own. Sometimes he feels he needs more and tries to persuade me to nurse him before she falls asleep so I do for a short while, and he rolls back to Daddy (who is usually asleep by now) and I nurse Kitten again. Everyone’s happy although I get real sleepy. (Last night he even kneeled to nurse a bit while I nursed Kitten so technically I tandemed both at night even though I was turned towards her.)

Middle of the night wakings continue… Initially Wolf was distressed when he woke up, needed to suckle but his sister was nursing. Lots of screaming and crying ensued but his calmer sister usually dozed off and gave him his turn. These days he wakes less and is happy to wait a bit. She almost sleeps through the night, which is a relief!

The first few months are tough but with help and support from the hubby, it is doable.