Strange Machines

Recently I’ve been too beat to get up – that 38 week exhaustion – but Bear, now almost 3 and wired like an Energizer bunny, loves to play. Here’s how I’ve been coping, all achieved lying down:

1. Read to toddler in bed

Cuddle together with a bunch of books he picked and read to him while he lies under your arm.

2. Play hide and seek

Round up his stuffed friends and man one of them. Stuffed friend hides in the blankets, pillows, anywhere easy to find,  within your arm’s reach, while he seeks. Then they can take turns.

3. Play the Zoo game

Round up his stuffed friends again and discuss with him which ones can pretend to be zoo animals, the rest can be visitors. Make the requisite ooh sounds when the visitors see the zoo animals. Zoo animals can show off by swimming or prancing.

4. Play educational games on iTouch

There are a ton of great educational games on the iTunes app store for a steal. Some he can play by himself, others like Hidden Everest, he can play with you. You could doze or enjoy a fun treasure hunt or cheer him on as he wins in a game.

Yes, I have been spending a LOT of time on my iTouch and really, it is a superb concept. Bear, meanwhile, has dubbed it HIS computer and much of my time is spent finding really fun apps for him to play on them.

So are the ones I think are best in no particular order:

(Note – fastest way to find these apps – open your iTunes and type the names into the Search field.)

1. Preschool Adventure

This is the one that sealed the deal for me. I looked at it at the Apple Store and thought, this would be a perfect app for Bear. Aside from being unbelievably cute, it is also very educational. It teaches shapes, colours, body parts, and animals. Must-get for every parent with a child.

2. Peekaboo Barn

Kids love playing peekaboo and this game opens with a red barn where an animal is hidden behind the doors and it makes a sound. Guess what it is. The sweetest part is when the sun sets and everyone goes to sleep. A little girl says, shh…

3. The Little Red Hen

Lovely story book read by a little girl in English, Spanish, and Cantonese. The animated and interactive characters make it a super fun adventure for your child. Bear adores this app. Looking forward to more from this developer.

4. First Words: Animals (and First Words: Vehicles)

They teach spelling very interactively. Your child can simply pop the letters into the grayed boxes and it is spelt and read out when all are fitted. Cute and fun! Keeps Bear busy every morning.

5. ABC Animals

This very nice app teaches children how to write the alphabet by tracing it on the iTouch. Both the caps and the small letters. Bear writes H beautifully now. Working on the rest.

6. Hidden Expedition

Although this game is really more for adults, Bear took to it like a duck in water. His vocab really increased while playing this find-the-hidden-object game. Worth every penny. I had fun too.

7. Animatch (and every other matching game)

Animatch is special cos the animals are really cute (says Bear who adores the cat) and make a sound when clicked. But still, all matching games are fun and educational for kids as they train their memory. Good for reminding Mom where she left her keys.

8. ICDL

ICDL, which is lovely and free, has 4 illustrated stories which you can read to your child. The funnest is definitely Waldo at the Zoo. For some arcane reason, Bear loves The Three Little Pigs. This is the PG version. I have to water it down for him.

9. Ike the Inventor

This app is amazing. Your child can play inventor and put together a tractor, iron, television, video camera, and many more things from the raw materials hung in the workshop from blueprints of that object. It teaches your child how to read a blueprint and also have fun making things and seeing them work!

10.Wild Animals (and Fruits, and now Puppies)

A fun series of jigsaw puzzles for kids. You can choose between 9, 16, or 25 pieces and you get a yay or nay when the piece is wrong or right. Encouraging and fun for all children. Bear spent hours playing with these.

11. Match Magic

A regular “draw a line to match two similar objects from 2 vertical rows” app but with a cheerleading team. One of the sweetest little girl’s voices encourages and cheers whenever you make a correct match or an encouraging “it’s okay” or “try again” when a wrong match has been made. Lovely for children learning shapes, numbers, pictures, and colours. One of Bear’s favourites.

12. iTykes FP (Finger Painting)

We have tried a few and found this one the simplest to use. Bear has made many drawings proudly captured by Mom with a two button click, saved in the Photo album.

If he has a posse of stuffed animal friends already, have them line up enthused to take the meds to get better from (the same ailment your child has). Should your little one not bite the first time round, have the stuffed geniuses cheer about how much better they feel and go queue up for another round.

First time we tried this, it went on for 3 rounds before Bear finally jumped queue and wanted to take it too. We kindly told him to wait his turn or ask the animal friend if he could take his place. The kind friend said okay, and since that day, we’ve never had any trouble getting Bear to take his meds (with lots of cheering too).

These days, he picks out his fave friends to take meds before him! Cos they’re sick too. LOL!

Another alarming article about the dreadful effects of cigarette smoke on children. Point of the article is, don’t smoke at home and don’t go anywhere where there is third-hand cigarette smoke sitting on furniture or carpeting (or any surface for that matter) if you don’t want your children’s health affected.

A New Cigarette Hazard: ‘Third-Hand Smoke’

By RONI CARYN RABIN
Published: January 2, 2009

Parents who smoke often open a window or turn on a fan to clear the air for their children, but experts now have identified a related threat to children’s health that isn’t as easy to get rid of: third-hand smoke.

That’s the term being used to describe the invisible yet toxic brew of gases and particles clinging to smokers’ hair and clothing, not to mention cushions and carpeting, that lingers long after second-hand smoke has cleared from a room. The residue includes heavy metals, carcinogens and even radioactive materials that young children can get on their hands and ingest, especially if they’re crawling or playing on the floor.

Doctors from MassGeneral Hospital for Children in Boston coined the term “third-hand smoke” to describe these chemicals in a new study that focused on the risks they pose to infants and children. The study was published in this month’s issue of the journal Pediatrics.

“Everyone knows that second-hand smoke is bad, but they don’t know about this,” said Dr. Jonathan P. Winickoff, the lead author of the study and an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School.

“When their kids are out of the house, they might smoke. Or they smoke in the car. Or they strap the kid in the car seat in the back and crack the window and smoke, and they think it’s okay because the second-hand smoke isn’t getting to their kids,” Dr. Winickoff continued. “We needed a term to describe these tobacco toxins that aren’t visible.”

Third-hand smoke is what one smells when a smoker gets in an elevator after going outside for a cigarette, he said, or in a hotel room where people were smoking. “Your nose isn’t lying,” he said. “The stuff is so toxic that your brain is telling you: ’Get away.’”

The study reported on attitudes toward smoking in 1,500 households across the United States. It found that the vast majority of both smokers and nonsmokers were aware that second-hand smoke is harmful to children. Some 95 percent of nonsmokers and 84 percent of smokers agreed with the statement that “inhaling smoke from a parent’s cigarette can harm the health of infants and children.”

But far fewer of those surveyed were aware of the risks of third-hand smoke. Since the term is so new, the researchers asked people if they agreed with the statement that “breathing air in a room today where people smoked yesterday can harm the health of infants and children.” Only 65 percent of nonsmokers and 43 percent of smokers agreed with that statement, which researchers interpreted as acknowledgement of the risks of third-hand smoke.

The belief that second-hand smoke harms children’s health was not independently associated with strict smoking bans in homes and cars, the researchers found. On the other hand, the belief that third-hand smoke was harmful greatly increased the likelihood the respondent also would enforce a strict smoking ban at home, Dr. Winickoff said.

“That tells us we’re onto an important new health message here,” he said. “What we heard in focus group after focus group was, ‘I turn on the fan and the smoke disappears.’ It made us realize how many people think about second-hand smoke — they’re telling us they know it’s bad but they’ve figured out a way to do it.”

The data was collected in a national random-digit-dial telephone survey done between September and November 2005. The sample was weighted by race and gender, based on census information.

Dr. Philip Landrigan, a pediatrician who heads the Children’s Environmental Health Center at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, said the phrase third-hand smoke is a brand-new term that has implications for behavior.

“The central message here is that simply closing the kitchen door to take a smoke is not protecting the kids from the effects of that smoke,” he said. “There are carcinogens in this third-hand smoke, and they are a cancer risk for anybody of any age who comes into contact with them.”

Among the substances in third-hand smoke are hydrogen cyanide, used in chemical weapons; butane, which is used in lighter fluid; toluene, found in paint thinners; arsenic; lead; carbon monoxide; and even polonium-210, the highly radioactive carcinogen that was used to murder former Russian spy Alexander V. Litvinenko in 2006. Eleven of the compounds are highly carcinogenic.

(Source: NYT)

Breastfeed a Toddler – Why on Earth?

Because it is the most natural thing on Earth! Women have been doing it since we crawled out of the ocean and stood on 2 legs. Why is it suddenly unnatural now?

Children breastfed are less sick, bond better with their mother, are generally happier, more secure, and more independent.

It is hilarious what notions the superstitious and ignorant can come up with about breastfeeding when they are the ones supposedly more old-school. I think Shen wrote it best.

Ridiculous notions I’ve heard this past month about pregnancy and child rearing:

1. Breastfeeding past the age of 1 will cause an Oedipus complex.

Wow, there must be many mothers and sons having sex now because the sons were breastfed past 1! Seriously, all documented cases I’ve read of incest involves relatives who DID NOT grow up and/or live together from birth.

2. Drinking cold water will make the baby cold.

Right and drinking hot soup will burn the child.

3. Exposing a pregnancy belly is disgraceful for a mother.

But a fashion consultant told me it is chic to do so!

4. 2 year old children need to be toilet trained whether or not they are ready for it.

Tons of research show they are not physiologically ready till 3 and the best way to toilet train is for them to be ready.

5. Children must be fat to be healthy (and hence are overfed).

We already have enough problems with obesity so I wish purporters of this notion will just read some research articles and get a clue. Just because a child is genetically slim and active doesn’t mean he doesn’t eat. He grazes, just like Dr Sears recommends. Smart kid. He’ll never be fat.

6. Children need to be dressed to look as old as they can be.

Children are only small once. Why force them to look old prematurely?

7. Mothers are not entitled to personal time.

This one probably irks me the most. People decline to help or worse, criticise very disparagingly when a poor mother stays up for a few hours after baby sleeps for some personal time, and looks rather tired the next day (we look tired every day!) because they think stay home moms should be on call 24/7 but even maids get a day off sometime! And they get to sleep through the night.

That’s all I can recall for now. You can tell I’ve been hearing these a lot. Feel free to add, and to point and laugh.

No guarantees you won’t go mad halfway but they’re better than nothing. I’ve chalked up a minimum of 900 hours nursing Bear to bed (counting the first sleep only, mind you) while lying in the dark. You can’t surf on your phone or read a book – baby will see the light and not sleep. So here’s what I’ve been able to make up to do instead.

1. Relearn the multiplication table – good practice for future math tutoring.

2. Remember your baby’s birth. Wasn’t it sweet?

3. Remember the best times in your life.

4. Remember the worst. Isn’t it nice to be nursing in the dark instead?

5. Consider alternate histories. My latest thing I made up tonight. Got stuck on conversation but it was interesting. Might make for fascinating dreams.

6. Plan for tomorrow, next week, next year.

7. Plan baby’s next birthday party: who to invite, what food to serve.

8. Run through any of the WoW dungeons in your head. (Former WoW players only.)

9. Fantasize about a contact lens that works as a monitor for you to surf or play games online with a thimble for a mouse. You can see I’ve been thinking about this a while…

10. Replay a favourite movie in your mind. Or select scenes if you have a bad memory.

What do you think of when you’re nursing in the dark?

I’m a real laid back Mom. As a teen, danger was my middle name. I have the proud scars and trophies to show for it. And a fond memory of a black Kawasaki trail bike I spray painted myself, whom I named Tommy Ray after a character in Clive Barker’s grand novel The Great and Secret Show.

As a kid, I loved to play in the mud, climb trees, windows, the gate, just about everything and I never fell. I loved the outdoors and I loved risky adventures. We had a small garden filled with lots of plants and trees where a little girl could bring her stuffed animal friends and play make believe. It was a wonderful, happy, stress-free childhood.

I intend for Bear to have the same.

So it is to no surprise that I not only encourage my son to climb, jump, play in mud, I also teach him safety rules. For instance, when he climbs, he must concentrate on what he’s doing, and he must hold on with both hands. If he needs help, he must ask. And I’ll only let him climb places which I deem safe, which is almost anywhere.

These days I am lazy and loathe the sun, but I will slather on sunblock and be prepared to swelter just so my boy can enjoy the park nearby and visit the lovely jungle trails at our zoo. And oh he loves it. He’ll swing like a monkey on the handrails while we wait for the tram and race through the path like a speeding bullet. He’s the most active child I know.

Research agrees risky fun play is critical for survival skills like making judgement calls and assessing danger, especially in this modern world:

According to the study, kids need the adventure of “risky” play: “Risk-taking increases the resilience of children,” said one researcher. “It helps them make judgments,” said another. They list examples of risky play that should be encouraged including fire-building, den-making, watersports, paintballing, boxing and climbing trees.

Arnon Lotem, a researcher at Tel Aviv University, found that modern people have adopted risk-taking behaviors similar to those of animals like rats and bees. And this behavior, Prof. Lotem says might not prepare humankind for the types modern dangers we face every day — like crossing the street, accepting a high-risk mortgage, driving on the freeway, or flying a plane.

(Sources: New Study: Kids Need the Adventure of “Risky” Play; Humans Evolved to Fear Snakes, Not High-Risk Mortgages or Risks at Traffic Lights)

Many people ask me why I practice attachment parenting (well, usually aspects of it like carrying Bear, nursing him still at 2, and co-sleeping). Simply because it is the only scientifically proven method to produce a happy, smart, well-adjusted adult. This is not to say that other methods of parenting will not. But that attachment parenting (AP) consistently does.

If you want to build a airplane, you study to become an aerospace engineer. If you want to be a great lawyer, you study the law. If you want to become a doctor, you learn all you can about medicine and leverage on hundreds of years of medical experience and expertise to apply the best solution to a patient’s problem.

So why do so many parents not approach parenting the same way? Many don’t even bother to pick up a book or Google for advice and instead listen to well-meaning advice (aka hearsay) from dubious sources. The precious generation did not know best. Look at all the outdated practices like spanking and cry-it-out debunked and proven seriously harmful already. Now, surely during this age of enlightenment and science, scientists have come up with a “best practice” for parenting. And indeed they have.

It is attachment parenting. And you don’t even need to pick up a book although I will recommend a few. Google “attachment parenting” and a whole wealth of resources will be at your feet (if you can see them at this point, if pregnant).

Support from the scientific community is evident in the numerous research studies published on the various aspects of AP. It may not be apparent in the general attachment parenting pages but you’ll find them reported in scientific journals and the news. Keep an eye out for them.

Here are some AP practices:

1. Extended nursing
2. Sleep sharing
3. Positive parenting
4. Mutual respect
5. Enforcing limits
6. Natural food
7. Babywearing
8. Lots of hugs and attention, love, care, praise, encouragement, and smiles
9. Encourage baby to bond with others
10. Teach baby respect for himself and others

Now AP has been criticised for being extremely difficult to practice without an army of help. I agree. I have no one but my husband and occasionally my Dad to help out and am exhausted and sleep deprived every day. Everyone needs some time off and I am grateful I encouraged my husband and Dad to bond with Bear since the day he was born. I trust them implicitly to care for him and he loves and adores them very much.

Despite my constant tiredness, Bear and I have a wonderful bond which is evident in our matching grins when we share a joke, laugh together at funny things, sing together, or nurse together when I hold him like a baby again and he looks into my eyes with such love and adoration that I would slay dragons for him. Heck, he even lets me sleep in nowadays and gently suggests I wake once in a while with a big grin in my face and a “Good Morning Mommy!”

He is easy to bring out to town by myself in his Ergo carrier and stays close when on the run. I frequently get comments on how polite, well-spoken, and happy he is. He listens to me and will accept reason, negotiations, and bribery/carrots. (Yes! I am guilty!) Desserts are fruits and treats are tiny Japanese ice creams. He eats all the foods I offer and often asks for more vegetables.

I work very hard to be my husband’s cheerleader, as well as the cheerleader of all those important to my son. They are his heroes and I paint them as kind and loving and shining examples of humanity as I can and when held to task, they often exceed his expectations. For families, there’s this wonderful Ladybird book called My Superdad which I highly recommend everyone buying to read to their child. Dad will feel like a superhero every time his child points at him and says, “Look at that! It’s SuperDad!” like Bear does.

AP is a journey. A wonderful journey for all parents who wish to embark on it. After all, you are building a lifelong relationship with this small mini-me of yours, why not make it a beautiful relationship. It has made me a better, kinder, more patient person (ask any of my friends!) keeping admirable Margaret Thatcher hours. Oh yes, the extra overtime you put in the first few years will save you years of worry, grief, and therapy bills later, so jokes one of the authors below. :p

Highly recommended books for a happy, sociable, smart, and loving child:
Note: no TV or daycare needed:

The Complete Secrets of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph

The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Dr Harvey Karp

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old by Dr Harvey Karp

Making Happy People: The Nature of Happiness and Its Origins in Childhood by Paul Martin

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

First off, Nicole Kidman gave birth today to a 6 pound baby girl named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. She’ll be needing lots of cool baby gear now. Congrats to the happy parents and their lovely new addition.

I always find heavily pregnant women trawling the baby section of Isetan and feel like telling them when they pick up that armful of useless baby things, “You won’t use those! Save your money!” But I don’t unless they pick up a BPA bottle. Then I get upset.

Anyway. The important thing is to be prepared. Shop around first. Surf the net. Lots of stuff and information there. A good place to start is a wiki for baby stuff. Yup, there’s one. It is called ShopWiki and under their critter section, you’ll find tons of cool baby gear, all objectively crawled from online stores all over.

Don’t waste your money on the Baby Bjorn. Get the Ergo or any other one with waist support. Then buy a baby sling that is light and you and other male relatives would actually carry. There are nice ones that actually fold into themselves and wrap into an attached pouch. Forget the rest.

Of course if you travel with your child a lot, here are nice baby moving equipment to consider. Your pet can probably sit inside with it.