Strange Machines

The one thing I wanted real bad as a kid was to celebrate Halloween. How could I not? All the books I read had children in funny Halloween costumes going from house to house trick or treating. It was THE thing to do as a kid. But of course, here we never celebrated it. And if we attempted it, neighbours would probably think we were whacked.

Then again, this generation might be a tad more open-minded with global television and the Internet. And we live in a different neighbourhood now. We know all our neighbours and they know us, and most of them are kind and friendly, especially since we had Jack. I can truly see Jack, in a few years, togged up in some cute Halloween costume inspired from the Costume Chatter Blog carrying an empty pumpkin I probably scooped out for him, with a group of friends trick or treating to the bemused aunties and uncles in our block.

Despite this being a rather safe country, I’d still watch from afar and warn him to stay close, limiting his adventures to our block and on the ground floor only where I can see him. I’d grill him on Halloween safety tips to ensure he doesn’t get in trouble. And his evening of Halloween fun would end right here, at home with Mom giving him and his little friends a ton of nice treats and a Halloween party.

Wouldn’t you say that’s living vicariously through my baby?

Jack’s been up every night from 3am to almost 6am since a couple of weeks back. Okay actually I don’t remember exactly. But recently. Cos I have been getting 4-5 hours sleep every night by the time I finally put him back to bed.

He wakes at 3. I nurse and he’s out again by 3.15. Cries again around 3.40 then nurses till 4.15. I think he’s sleeping at 4.30 and run off to pee but then he howls for me and throws himself into my lap. We nurse again till 5. I try to sneak off. He sits up and holds my arm. So here I am back at 5.37, typing furiously. Wondering when my sweet son will sleep through the night. Well, at least go back to sleep easy.

Oops he stirs again.

Our world is becoming increasingly fractured.

Humans, social animals by nature, are sequestered from the better world by crazy work hours, social obligations (not usually for pleasure, or so it seems), and an idle inquiry in the unimportant (aka TV).

People are turning to counsellors to their problems. Few have time to listen and few feel compelled to open up to their friends, especially if they haven’t spent enough time nurturing their friendships with work hours getting ridiculously longer. And those are the lucky ones. Many turn to drink or worse vices. Heck if you need to find someone to talk to in person, check out a Counseling Services List or a Counseling Services Directory.

A friend of mine once said, if you want a happy life, move to Australia where people finish work at 4 or 5, have time for outdoor activities, their families, have barbecues with friends and overall, lead a more peaceful life. You can actually have a family life.

And it is true. Friends of mine there are happily taking at least a year off to nurture their children. Fathers have time to spend with their children. They live in a nice house with a garden (with actual grass). No one feels hurried or caught in a rat race to compete.

Here, we’re in the thick of it. But it is possible to live in the rat race but not compete. What is a rat race but an unending loop which no one ever wins. Heck even Bill Gates got toppled with Warren Buffett (my idol) this year. It is possible to exist in the system but live out of it. And believe me, we are much happier than when we were both working and getting home at 9-10pm every night.

We don’t go to fancy restaurants, drive a fancy car, buy that spanking new condo, or buy any branded stuff. Everything’s made in China nowadays anyway - what’s the difference but the tag? My $3 Old Navy tee feels more comfortable than the $50 (see I can’t even remember the brand) top I bought years ago on sale. Plus, having modelled before, I am used to people paying me to wear their label, not me pay for their label and wear it for them all the time!

Good quality food and books are what we spend our money on, as well as paying off our home and car. The rest, we spend with family and good friends. Jack changed it for us. We want a better world for him. A better life. A happy life. Children do that I think. He has changed us for the better.

I try to cook more, to create a sweet family environment for Jack to grow up in. To remember his Mom in the kitchen cooking for him, Dad coming home to hug and kiss him. Us having dinner and talking together. Mom and Dad reading to him, sharing a cuddle before bedtime. Those are the things I want him to remember. A loving happy home.

Since as far as I can remember, Jack has always loved puzzles. One of his fave toys is still a wooden puzzle box with many 3-piece animal jigsaws inside. He’ll sit and play while he has lunch or dinner. At his cousin’s he encountered a more complex set of jigsaws. Some were up to 15 pieces.

Still he was unfazed. He’d ask me to help and I gladly taught him to look at the board and look at the pieces, fit in the corners, then the sides, and then the middle pieces. To my amazement, he managed a 9 piece puzzle by himself today! I was so proud!

First off, Nicole Kidman gave birth today to a 6 pound baby girl named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. She’ll be needing lots of cool baby gear now. Congrats to the happy parents and their lovely new addition.

I always find heavily pregnant women trawling the baby section of Isetan and feel like telling them when they pick up that armful of useless baby things, “You won’t use those! Save your money!” But I don’t unless they pick up a BPA bottle. Then I get upset.

Anyway. The important thing is to be prepared. Shop around first. Surf the net. Lots of stuff and information there. A good place to start is a wiki for baby stuff. Yup, there’s one. It is called ShopWiki and under their critter section, you’ll find tons of cool baby gear, all objectively crawled from online stores all over.

Don’t waste your money on the Baby Bjorn. Get the Ergo or any other one with waist support. Then buy a baby sling that is light and you and other male relatives would actually carry. There are nice ones that actually fold into themselves and wrap into an attached pouch. Forget the rest.

Of course if you travel with your child a lot, here are nice baby moving equipment to consider. Your pet can probably sit inside with it.

Aside from my BFF Shen, of course. And before you get married!

I believe every woman, where financially possible, should have a diamond set for that special occasion (and trust me, after becoming a mom you’ll be craving for opportunities to glam up).

The diamonds don’t have to be big and expensive but they should match in terms of colour and size, the latter of which should vary no more than 0.3-0.8 carats for all items. Better a sweet 0.5 carat H colour set than a 0.5 F colour set. The naked eye can’t see the difference unless you compare literally side by side.

A basic set should consist of a pair of diamond studs (no danglers), a solitaire ring, and a pendant, and if you’re fortunate enough to have a fairy godmother give you for your wedding, a tennis bracelet. Acquire them one at a time. Don’t bust your budget and shop around for a good deal. When it comes to jewelry, it’s best to buy from someone you trust or ask your friends for the name of their long-time jeweler.

To me, certificates are just a way for the shop to earn another thousand bucks. Diamonds have little resale value and certainly not worth the hocking value. You buy it because you want to wear it, not for “investment”. So take your time to choose (years even…) and choose wisely within your budget.

Should you want to check out online jewelry stores, My Jewelry Box has a lovely selection, from diamond rings to lovely ruby earrings (my fave!). Its easy and intuitive interface offers many browsing options, should you prefer to browse by material, product, or price. I like that they have a comprehensive 30 day return policy, in case you feel antsy about buying online or change your mind about your purchase.

Browsing online gives you the lazy pleasure of taking your time to look at the products without a salesperson breathing down your neck, although you miss out on the guilty pleasure and temptation of trying out that one carat ring. Still, their return policy means that you can buy and try without any worries and it is great for an online store to care so much about customer satisfaction.

The Clearance Center is my fave section since you can probably pick up great bargains from there. But I love that they put their sweetest picks for you to drool at on the homepage, smack centre (best online real estate) so you can’t miss it. I am a sucker for blood red rubies so the earrings have caused a puddle on my laptop.

You could spend a whole day browsing (as I have). But take your time. Buying jewelry is a very personal journey. Enjoy it. And when your set is complete, and even if it is not, sweep your hair up, wear minimal makeup, don an elegant black dress, and your sparkling diamonds (remember to soak them in detergent overnight and use toothpaste to brush them clean the day before) and you’ll look a million bucks.

I never realised it but I was schooling Jack about needs vs wants from the day he could say Toys R Us some one year ago.

Before we go into Toys R Us, I’d tell him whether it is a looking trip or a buying trip. He’d nod okay and proceed to thrill himself looking at all the cars. It is roughly one buying trip per 10 looking trips and usually he can choose something small for himself that costs under $10.

Initially he’d buy something cos he can but more recently he would choose something that he really likes. If he doesn’t like anything, he wouldn’t buy anything since I tell him he can carry a buying trip forward to the next trip.

Of course there are the sums too. He’s been more fascinated about bigger cars because the doors can open and close and sometimes he asks if he can buy those. I’d point to the price and say, that costs $49 and it is way more than $10.

My friend Sarah tells of a trip she, her boyfriend, dear hubby, and Jack had at Toys R Us. Someone asked if Jack wanted to buy anything and he proclaimed, “no need”. His Dad was so proud, he said, “that’s my boy!” I was so proud too!

On a separate note, I started reading Chinese books to him and he seems to be learning the Chinese characters faster than English words, although he can read most of the alphabets by now. His memory is amazing! He can cite some of the moons in the Solar System, some galaxies, and many nebulas! It is so thrilling to watch.

So the past couple of weeks I have been shopping at Spotlight and buying tons of crafting supplies. All fabric and threads are 100% cotton and ribbons I got for making tags (or there lack of) are washable satin (but still polyester). I’m thinking no tag or cloth tag. My feeble attempts at embroidery got even the cats laughing.

Anyway, out of laziness I picked up a rotary cutter and a cutting mat. It was some Birch combo for $39.95 so I thought why not. Then this evening I opened it and the smell made me sick all night. I have since packed it back into its packaging to be returned to Spotlight tomorrow. If they mention the opened packaging, I’ll ask them to take a whiff. Man, I haven’t felt so nauseous since I ate those 5 bags of chips at one go.

I spent the better part of an hour Googling for an answer: what the heck is causing that godawful smell? Nowhere do they tell what the cutting mats are made of. The closest hint is that some cutting mats are made of PVC. And yeah, we know that smells and is toxic. Apparently, some smell and some don’t. A forum mentions that some mats just smell and it most likely won’t go away or will take 5 weeks.

I don’t think I can wait that long. Already the smell was seeping into the hallway so I quickly put it back into the packaging and double bagged it in an Ikea bag. There is a solution though but I don’t I’ll survive the smell long enough to do it. I still feel horrible sick as it is. So no cutting mat for me. It isn’t very green, being made of plastic anyway - the smell made me think of vinyl. I think I’ll stick to the good old scissors.

After about 10 bags, I think I have one that is in a saleable condition and of a shape women will carry (I am still working on a shape a man will carry but the husband had very politely refused to be seen carrying all the other 10 I have made). It is made out of a lovely black and white cat fabric I got last week (made in Korea) with black threading and handles, which make it quite pretty.

I like the idea of carrying cloth bags. The polyester ones, while strong, feel really plasticky against my skin. I have assigned one small black tote (which rolls up and ties on the side of my larger tote - now the main bag) for bread and those delish Spinelli oatmeal and raisin cookies. I usually carry another organic produce bag inside just in case.

Now the first cat bag I made I decided to keep for myself. The sewing was pretty and all, but I just wanted to keep that first cat bag for myself. And I just repeated myself repeating myself. That contains all the stuff I need when I leave the house. And that sweet tiny bag sits inside the main black tote, which incidentally was just finished today. That one was perfectly sized. Jack’s car bag (picture forthcoming too) with his diaper, spare clothes, wipes, snacks, and random toy sits beside that.

So when need be, I can whip out both bags, have Jack carry his cute car bag, I carry my cat bag, and the black tote bag can carry shopping! And won’t we look a hip mom and Jack pair. I haven’t taken a single plastic bag in 2 weeks! Feels great to refuse all those plastic bags they give at Bread Talk. The girl happily placed all the bread in my cloth bag.

Incidentally, I made a new large blue Biscuit out of lovely 100% cotton fleecy but since Jack “borrowed” the one we gave Amber, he is happy to give it to Aunty Angie when we meet her on Saturday. I used the Singer this time and the curves took a while to get used to but before long, I was swivelling the fabric like a pro. 3 hours on a machine instead of 8 hours by hand. Definitely a time saver!

Now, if I can only stop the nausea…

Today we celebrated Father’s Day at Modestos and then went to paint Takashimaya red. Our dear aunt NH called to say she was at the airport with her boys and we sped off to meet them. I told Jack in the car we were going to see his grandaunt and uncles and he was thrilled. It had been 4 months since he saw them and he remembered them very well.

In fact, when they showed up, he walked right up to her, peered at her and said “Gu Puo (grandaunt in Chinese)”. She was so amazed she gave him a big hug. We had dinner at Crystal Jade and he let his young uncles carry and play with him. He even showed off the “car bag” I made for him.

“Car bag,” he proclaimed, and proudly displayed the sling bag hung diagonally around him. “Mama made!” I was so thrilled. It was the first thing he showed everyone at lunch and at the airport today when he met them, right after wishing all the fathers a loud “Happy Father’s Day!”. His Dad and I were so proud of him.

He remembers things very acutely. From the broken car mirror on the silver car at the Forum Toys R Us (now fixed, but he reminds me every time, “not broken”, when we go there) to who bought him what. He remembers all his extended family and even people he met just once and where. It is remarkable. Even the things we don’t review at the end of the day. I would always ask him if he had a great day and what he did today. Still months later he will amaze me by remembering something I barely registered.

At Terminal 3, he weighed himself at an empty check-in counter. He is 12.3kg and 94 cm tall at 25 months, one heck of a runner, bilingual, a competent singer (he sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to me this morning, out of nowhere), an avid dreamer (he’ll tell me about his dreams - sweet dreams about everyone hugging), a loving and affectionate child (he’ll hug and kiss and tell his loved ones he loves them in English and Chinese), and that amazing memory.

And in other news, a sweet evening with Boy tonight. Ah I love my boys so much.

I admit I get a lot of flak for this. Jack sleeps from 11pm to 11am. I sleep from 4am to 11am. I need my personal time. For a person used to independence and heaps of down time and personal time, motherhood had made creative timekeeping a necessity. But criticism has been all round so I have kept from blogging about it (to stem the flak) till I realised many parents probably do the same and hesitate to tell anyone about it.

Most families, with at least one parent working at least till 6, will have only 1.5 hours face time with their child. This raises the question of what sort of quality time will a child get if he sleeps at 8pm? Working people need to unwind just like the rest of us so how does baby get time with Dad and Mom who just got home?

Let’s do an imaginary schedule: Dad finishes work at 6pm. Comes home by 6.30. Mom gets dinner ready by 7.30 while Dad naps or plays with baby. Meal ends with dessert by 8.30. Dad plays with baby while Mom does dishes. Mom takes a shower and gets ready for baby to have his. Now it is 9.

Baby baths with Dad and gets handed to Mom. 9.15. Mom dries and dresses baby as he plays with his cars. Dad joins them on the bed for reading time. 9.30. 3 books are read and discarded. 10. Baby wants a bit more time with cars. Ok. Mom and Dad negotiate with him and he willingly stops playing by 10.15. Lights out at 10.20 after hugs and kisses.

Baby nurses and finally falls asleep by 11.

Now that is a day we spend at home.

If we go out or to Grandma’s for dinner, we don’t get home till 9.30 or 10. Push forward and baby doesn’t sleep till 11 or 11.30. Sometimes 12.

Then he wakes up for milk at least twice a night. Some nights more, and that makes me wonder about weaning. But as Dr Sears says, weaning is a journey from one relationship to another.

Weaning is not a negative term, nor is it something that you do to a child. Weaning is a journey from one relationship to another. The Hebrew word for wean is gamal, meaning “to ripen.” In ancient times, when children were breastfed until two or three years of age, it was a joyous occasion when a child weaned. It meant the child was filled with the basic tools of the earlier stages of development and secure and ready to enter the next stage of development. A child who is weaned before his time may show anger, aggression, habitual tantrum-like behavior, anxious attachment to caregivers, and an inability to form deep and intimate relationships. We call these traits diseases of premature weaning.

I am glad I decided to breastfeed Jack till he is ready to wean. My gynae nursed her daughter till she self-weaned at 3 and supported my decision to breastfeed till he self-weans. It is sometimes tiring but I realise these nights spent nursing him arm him with a security, strength, and capacity for intimacy he will have all his life and it is worth it. What is 3 years in the face of 90 years for a child I love and adore? Nothing.

Well-meaning people have expressed tons of concern about the weaning and the strange hours we keep. But how strange are the hours? It is a necessity set in place by the working world. A child should not be forced to bed early just so “it is normal” and be denied time with his parents, especially those working. Nor will such children suffer for it because children are highly adaptable. While in Melbourne, Jack woke at 9 with the sun on his face. I had to put him to bed at 9 just so he’d get his 12 hours every night - essential for brain development.

Back home, Jack sleeps from 11pm to 11am (and more recently, 10pm to 11am with a 1-2 hour nap from 3-4 or 3-5 in between). Voluntarily too! I ask him if he is ready to sleep and he says yes, hugs Biscuit and lies down beside me for the joys of having both boobs to himself! He is alert and happy every day and wakes up refreshed with a cheery “wake up, Mama” in my face in the morning and tell me his dreams from the night before.

My mother often says, look at the hours you keep. How will Jack wake up for school next time? Now, if I am a case in point then I reinforce the notion that children are adaptable. I slept from 8pm to 8am from the day I was born till I went to school and STILL I had trouble waking up at 545am. Mom had to literally drag my sorry ass out of bed every day.

The most important thing every parent needs to do is to ensure their child gets 12-14 hours of sleep every day. It is critical for their brain development (yes I have said this twice already but it is critical). Keep your curtains closed (get black-out curtains if you need to) to encourage your child to sleep longer. Nursing babies sleep longer especially with Mom next to them for love and comfort. Here are more sleep tips from Dr Sears. We used many in the early days and they are very helpful, especially understanding how babies sleep.

And the Moms? Before baby, I used to thrive on 9-10 hours sleep a night. Uninterrupted. (Okay, that was before WoW. WoW was training for motherhood. We played from 8pm to 2am every day but that’s another story.) Now my body has gotten used to 5-6 hours a night (a nap with Jack in the afternoon helps). Of course, 8 hours is still ideal but some nights like tonight when I dozed off nursing Jack at 10pm and then waking alert at 1am, and will probably sleep again by 4am, the 6 hours I will get keeps me refreshed.

With nursing, most interruptions are brief and if I am sleeping, mostly unfelt. Jack knows his way around now and helps himself to milk at night! In fact, tonight after his second session, he made a leap, eyes closed, for the boob while I tried to edge away. I was so amused I let him nurse for another session till he unlatched himself and draped himself over my pillow and feet on Daddy’s face.