Strange Machines

I. CARE FOR BABY

1. Relish every moment with your child.

Remember they are only small once. Remind yourself that your baby is a living sentient being who depends fully on you. It is easy to depersonalise someone when you are exhausted. Meet baby in the eye and smile. Tell him and show him how much you love him with hugs, kisses, and gentle words and actions.

2. Nursing is best for you and baby.

Breastmilk has critical antibodies for baby, especially in the colostrum (a thick yellow paste) that oozes in the first 4 days. Breastfed babies are stronger, smarter, and healthier. The longer the nursing, the better. Continue your nursing relationship for as long as both of you are comfortable. If you have trouble breastfeeding, consult a lactation expert in the maternity ward for help immediately.

3. Eventually baby will sleep through the night, or you’ll get used to it.

Plus, you’ll most likely lose your pregnant weight along with the schedule. Research has found that sleep training doesn’t work. Babies learn to fall and stay asleep on their own whether or not they are sleep trained. Meanwhile take it one day at a time.

4. Pick baby up when he cries.

He’ll feel that he is worthy of love. Ignore all comments about spoiling the child. If you let him cry it out, it will hurt your relationship with him as he won’t trust you to care for him when he needs you. Babies cry because that’s the only way they know how to communicate. They cry to let us know they need our help. Studies have shown that letting baby cry it out will lead to him having anxiety problems and low self-esteem when he grows up.

5. Carry your baby in a baby sling or carrier.

It’s been repeatedly shown that babywearing parents and their children are closer. Babies who are carried frequently by their parents are more self-assured, possess a strong sense of worth, and are eager to explore.

6. Learn to care for baby on your own.

It is tempting in this day and age to pass him over to a carer. Being the primary caregiver to your child strengthens the bond between the two of you and boosts your confidence as a mother.

7. Encourage Dad to spend time with baby.

Children with involved fathers are more secure and have a healthier view of relationships as a whole.

8. Let baby play and play with baby.

It is wonderful to see things from baby’s point of view and to see him excited and thrilled over daily objects. It is his way of learning. Be there to share it. Give him a wide berth to explore safely. Be part of his play day. Animate his toys and talk to him, sing to him, dance with him. If you have pets, introduce baby to them and spend quality time together. Teach him how to be gentle and you’ve taught him compassion. These are fond memories he will carry with him for life.

II. CARE FOR MOM

1. Get help.

Arrange for help, no matter how capable you think you are. I liked to believe I was superwoman until I became a mother. Any help is great, even for an hour. Rest makes one a better mother. And you do need to bathe.

2. Stay hydrated.

Keep 1L and 500L bottles of water within arm’s reach. Particularly when you are nursing, you will get thirsty very fast. Plus keeping yourself hydrated wards off the headaches that will inevitably come with childrearing.

3. Keep reading material, TV remote, mobile phone turned to silent, and other objects of interest at arm’s reach.

When baby falls asleep in your lap, you’ll have something to do. Sometimes you’ll be too tired to even try putting him down (he might well wake up), reading, watching TV on silent, or surfing on your mobile phone will help pass time. Do take a moment in between to stroke your baby’s head or back.

4. Eat well.

My weight plunged on a low caloric diet (by habit), demand breastfeeding, and multiple nightwakings over the past 5 months. Now I eat anything, just to get enough energy to produce milk and not feel exhausted all day.

5. Don’t feel pressured to nap when baby is asleep.

It never works! What does help is if you are tired but wired, lie down on your side to nurse baby. You might end up dozing too.

6. Stretch daily and stretch gently.

Your muscles and ligaments will be sore, sprained, and tired. Keep medicated plasters stocked.

7. Buy the best camera phone you can afford.

I found that my phone became my best friend since I had Jack. While nursing or if he was asleep, I could send a text message to a loved one to get me something, I could read my Gmail, surf the web on Opera Mini, play mobile games, and most importantly, capture the unexpected delightful moments with Jack on a video or photo when my camera is too far away.

8. Educate yourself.

Confidence is key to being a good mother. And being informed is key to being confident. Read up (while breastfeeding or when baby is sleeping) on the studies that have been conducted and find out what actually works and what is actually harmful.

Enjoy your baby. They grow up too fast!

Online Resources:

Ask Moxie
KellyMom
Mother’s Nature
The Natural Child Project

Books:

Babyhood by Penelope Leach
Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn–and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Diane Eyer
The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp
Hello, My Name Is Mommy: The Dysfunctional Girl’s Guide to Having, Loving (and Hopefully Not Screwing Up) a Baby by Sheri Lynch
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley
Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different-And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men by Steve Biddulph
The Wonder Weeks: How to Turn Your Baby’s 8 Great Fussy Phases into Magical Leaps Forward by Hetty Vanderijt and Frans Plooij

Jack’s been progressing by leaps and bounds. His fave book is a stunning pictorial journey from Earth to the edge of the Cosmos called Universe which I’d bought in Kinokuniya (yes, I finally joined them as a member when I bought the Anazi Anazo books. He impressed my godparents two weeks ago by correctly identifying Earth, Sun, Mars, Io, Europa, Pluto, Charon, and Dark Matter (his faves).

To date, he can correctly and consistently identify Earth, Sun, Mercury, Mars, Europa, Io, Pluto, Charon, Dark Matter, Saturn, Jupiter, and Neptune. He must “read” (he says) the book every night before bed and loves pointing out the objects he knows and is keen to learn the nebulas. Tonight he enunciated Retina Nebula, Helix Nebula, Hourglass Nebula, Eta Carinae, Andromeda, and a few more I can’t remember now because it is past 4am - he remembers better than me.

He can id the letters U, N, I, V, E, R, S, and E on the cover. If he forgets, he’ll guess and flash me a huge grin. We laugh and clap enthusiastically whether or not it is correct. Although I’m sure he can see the pride and joy in my eyes when he does get it correct.

Aside from the Universe, he loves his cars. My Dad bought him all the Ferraris from Shell and the revving sound enthralled him for hours on end. I even managed to doze. He can id without fail Minis, Porsches, Mitsubishis, and BMWs. He can id a car (live or on a pic) from miles away. I am amazed sometimes. There’s a live-sized version of his fave black Porsche Cayman S parked at my sister’s house and we always pay it a visit to say hello.

He’s always buoyant and happy even when sick and has quickly learnt never to admit that he’s got a runny nose or else Dad and Mom will make him take medicine. When he doesn’t know something, he’ll take a guess. That might be because we always laugh together whether or not it is correct so he never fears being wrong.

People around me comment how happy he is, how wonderful it is that he sits with us through dinner, and how polite and friendly he is, saying hello, bye, kissing, hugging, and blowing kisses. Yet they also like to comment how clingy he is to me. That’s all part of the process of the peaceful positive attachment parenting philosophy I adopt.

In the wild, it is normal for children to stay close to their mothers, never to follow strangers as it would mean certain death. We and all other living species now have survived because we follow this code. When the children are taught by their mothers, held and feel secure, they are better equipped emotionally and mentally to cope and thrive and coexist with others in the outside world.

I’ve never regretted giving up my career for my son. Although one of the attachment parenting experts say that the rewards will be reaped when your child grows into a healthy, happy, well-adjusted and responsible adult, I think I am seeing the rewards every day I spend with Jack.

Moxie’s post on unintentional words reminded me of a promise I made myself that I would never be negative towards Jack, in particular, using negative words such as calling him a “bad boy” or “naughty boy”. And I have not.

What I had not realised was that calling myself “silly Mommy” on occasion, for forgetting something, can be detrimental too. After all, I am his first love and his world. If I am silly and so flawed, then how can he trust me?

The emphasis should be on the positive. The constant encouragement in his achievements and positive cheerleading has made him a happy and confident boy. His trust in me though, can be improved. He still doesn’t trust me to return from the bathroom or kitchen 90% of the time. Could it be because of my negative labelling of myself?

Regardless, it is now time to work positively on Mommy’s image. What an inspired and wise Mommy!

Jack just recovered from a bout of gastro he caught from his Dad. Three days and nights of fever and nasty poop but he smiled through the whole ordeal. Meanwhile I am so overdosed on caffeine that I can’t sleep now.

Since his first birthday, he’s been standing a lot and walking. He took 5 steps the other day and clapped in delight after.

One of the controversies about fever in babies is whether to sponge. Hubby reckons it is just to make the parents feel useful but it does bring down the temperature. I felt useful while sponging but Jack just got upset.

It is three days I would rather not revisit. In fact I’d rather go through labour again!

Today Jack discovered that he could stick his head between the bars on Grandma’s bed and see the other side. He was so tickled he kept giggling and repeating it.

Last night we stayed over at my Mom’s because I had an early interview with Nobel Laureate Dr Richard Roberts. Not used to the new bedtime place, Jack woke after an hour and a half and refused to sleep again till midnight.

He associates the room with play time so it was hard getting him back to bed while he was rolling around, trying to stand, and looking here and there.

He finally woke up for good at 7am when my Mom found him standing above my head clutching the rails gleefully while I held his legs semi-comatose.

The whole thing wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t sick with a bad cold (which may actually turn out to be the flu).

Tonight he was out like a night in our own bed.

I just came from nursing Jack and he cooed in his sleep. It was so sweet I had to stop and listen for more.

Anyhow, the 5am poo recurred last night and interestingly enough, Jack slept through me changing his diaper (till the very end when he woke and wasn’t very happy). Let’s see if it returns tonight.

Time flies so fast and Jack is quickly outgrowing all his clothes. Even those I bought last month. He is such a tall and outgoing boy now. His stomach virus seems to have cleared and he is no longer pooing 3x a night. Over the last two days he only pooed in the morning. Normal again.

He speeds up the stairs so fast now and is very keen to explore just about everything. I fear he has my daredevil spirit which got me in a lot of trouble as a kid.

My Mom still proudly tells of how I shook my solidly wooden crib bars till they broke and I escaped. Then when they put me in a nylon woven crib, I used my toes to slowly climb out of it.

Jack is displaying the same loathing for being confined. He screams when put in his car seat and bangs on the door when I shut it. He sits 10 minutes in his high chair before howling to get down. Only my most valiant efforts at entertainment there receive a smile.

But put him on the floor and he is the happiest baby on the block. In fact, he is happiest crawling everywhere and exploring at his own leisurely pace. And of course, when he needs her, in Mommy’s arms and nursing.

It’s been a wonderful day playing with Jack! He discovered the joy of rhythmically banging on the chair cushion to make music. I cheerily joined him hitting a pen on the cotton bud container, and then the hubby joined in hitting the table. It was some rap-tribal music bash we had there.

Later, as he watched me from the corner of his eye, I hid Humpty in his Dad’s side cupboard and then asked him, “Where’s Humpty, Jack?” He sat there for a while and without hesitation moved to the cupboard and opened it.

I did a little jig and then went to animate Humpty to thank him for finding her. He grabbed Humpty, kissed on her mouth several times and then put her one side but kept checking on her to make sure she was okay.

Last night Jack demonstrated his understanding of lots of words when he looked to the light when my Mom said, where’s the light? And to the fish when she asked, where’s the fish?

He has also learnt how to high-five in the past 2-3 days and has been very tickled when we ask him to high-five.

Here’s a pic of him looking tickled when my Mom got him to wear a cap.

Jack has been called clever baby twice in the last few days already and I can’t help but be the proud Mommy, despite coughing up green goo and having half my eyelids dragging the floor.

The first was during his Granduncle’s dinner when finally exhausted, I let him down to crawl around the floor. The waitresses were very entralled by him and one even gave me a demonstration.

“You see,” she said excitedly. “He picks up the wad of thread on the ground and gives it to me. He doesn’t eat it like other babies do.”

The other incident was his godsister Joyce’s dad who happily said how smart he is and how he thought he is a one year-old already.

I have no experience with other babies, being sadly uninvolved with my nieces and nephews’ day-to-day growth, hence I am unable to compare if he really is so. But to hear it from other people, is sheer heaven.