Strange Machines

Any extended nursing mother will tell you, sometimes the nights are the toughest. Especially when you’re unwell or tired and when baby keeps waking and/or is unconsolable. The latter is the roughest and I am grateful that Wolf almost always nurses straight back to slumberland.

I have passed the phase of being envious of my friends going out late, of hubby meeting his friends for a drink, or even playing a game of WoW uninterrupted.

I’ve stemmed the endless nursing nights with reading, surfing, gaming, watching a dvd on my laptop, or sewing cloth dolls for Wolf while he is asleep – every one needs some personal time. Mine is spent in our room.

And when he wakes, I go to him quickly, stroke his face gently and tell him Mama is here, steal a sniff of his so-sweet breath, and nurse him even before his eyes open.

When I’m done admiring my baby, I either turn on my book light and read while propped over him on the side, continue watching my dvd, or surf with my Nokia N82.

It is sweet and warm and cuddly. And when I am done, I tuck myself in next to him and go to sleep.

Some nights he wakes up but most nights the waking is done while I am awake. So for the 6 to 8 hours I sleep, it is mostly uninterrupted.

Now that I think about it and write it all down, it doesn’t feel endless but a passage to the next day.

In a few days, my sweet son will be 2. Looking back, he’s achieved so much.

Today he mastered 3-puzzle jigsaws. At the last United Square toy fair, I bought him a wooden box full of lovely animal jigsaws. Only today did he bring it out to play and in a blink, he mastered them all.

His vocabulary is increasing exponentially. Today he learnt the phrase “hold the bar” (while coming down stairs). He can easily say complete sentences by himself, but even with new phrases, I don’t need to say 2-3 words at a time. He can copy half sentences after hearing them once.

It has been frequently commented that he is thin. Let’s just say it is genetic and from my side of the family. With double dominant thin genes from his maternal grandparents, it is a slam dunk. He grows proportionally. Today his Dryper XL seems to be getting tighter so I know he is growing. Just a few months ago he was wearing L!

He is 90th percentile for his age group in terms of height at 88-90cm. At 12kg he is 50th percentile for his weight.

He eats all day and I feed him healthy organic fruit and vegetables. He loves blueberries and can say hello to the nice Aunty Nancy at Why Yogurt over in Great World City there, tell her his favourite 3 berries, and remind me that the blue and pink cups that used to be displayed in the glass case are gone.

He loves playing with his cars, puzzles, reading his books, and most sweetly, is most fond of the stuffed cotton rabbit and cat I made him. He hugs them and tells everyone, “Mama made”.

At the toy store, he is happy to just browse and not buy, a habit formed from early days of “looking trips” and the very rare “buying trip”. He is happy with the toys he has at home. Even for his birthday, he just wants another of his favourite car. I was so proud.

He is loving and affectionate, showing kisses and hugs to his grandma, grandpa, mom, and dad. He is very sociable, and readily waves hello and goodbye to people we meet, lending a smile to those he favours.

He greets me every morning with a grin, saying “Good Morning!” and then “Wake up, Mama!” What a fabulous way to wake up.

It has been a happy, sleepy, and wonderful 2 years with this joyful, sweet, delightful little boy. I am glad I stuck by the tenets of attachment parenting, pretty much the only parenting method supported by science and 30 years of peer-reviewed research.

The breastfeeding, co-sleeping (no cry-it-out), babywearing (no pram; sling or carrier only), and focus on positivity (no “you can’t do that”) and encouragement has been a breeze compared to others who complained about what a hassle it is to go out with so much to carry, disobedient kids. It is instant calm when Wolf is nursing and his close bond to me has allowed him the security to be one of the most independent kids I know.

Attachment parenting builds a strong bond between mother and child, and equips a child with confidence, love, security, and a helluva lot of smarts.

First of all, no TV. All the studies agree it is harmful. It is common sense that a child spending one hour playing with his toys or running around in the park is learning more than a child passively watching TV, yes, even the “educational” programs. We, as humans, learn best by example, in the real world.

We choose our battles. By allowing him to win the small battles, such as choosing the clothes he’d like to wear, and what toys to play, he allows us to win the big ones, such as when it is time to go (we rarely have a problem with that, after giving him 5 minutes grace then he waves bye bye) and when it is bedtime.

Today he can readily say he is ready to sleep. With the former, he has grown confident of his choices and truly, he has great taste in clothes.

His artwork is all over our home, the prized ones hung in the bedroom. He loves drawing and we regard each piece as a work of art. Just in 3 months, his work has evolved so much. And he is very proud of it.

We negotiate now. I believe it is an important skill he needs in life. He wants to go out to the park. I say okay, after your meal. He thinks about it then looks at me and says ok. And we eat, then we go out. I keep all my promises to him and so does his dad.

Integrity is something so important and yet so overlooked. I was truly blessed to have a father who keeps his word to me every single time since the day I was born. If he says he will bring the newspaper, yes even something as trivial as that, he will. And he has never forgotten. That is how I learnt integrity.

And so I plan to teach it to Wolf. For him to become the man I want him to be, I must become the person I want him to be.

Breastfeeding was one of the things I knew I wanted to do as a mother. Not only is it good for Wolf – he was only ever sick twice and very mildly so – it is also good for me. I lost all my pregnancy weight in the first month and have since lost even more. It helps us both sleep well at night and it has been wonderful in building a strong bond between us as mother and son.

Now as Wolf enters his 10th month, we look like we’re going full speed ahead. When he was born, he was placed gently on me and instinctively his mouth sought my breast and he began to suckle. However, like most Asian babies, he had jaundice and had to be kept in the nursery under a UV light for 5 days.

This is when I am grateful for that Robinsons shopping trip I made with my Mom a month ago. Clunky at 9 months, we made what would be my last shopping trip out. I was determined to breastfeed even after returning to work and decided it would be most time efficient to buy a dual breast pump (I got the Medela).

For the five critical days when baby was in hospital without me, I pumped feverishly as engorgement set in 24 hours a day. We made 3-4 deliveries of freshly pumped breast milk to the hospital daily for Wolf and I cherished the times when I could nurse him in the nursing room. If I missed his scheduled feeding, I just left the bottle(s) there and looked at him sleeping in his incubator.

When he came home, I had some trouble breastfeeding from sheer exhaustion. So I alternated between nursing and pumping. It helped so much when hubby and I got dengue and was ill beyond belief. Wolf never got the bug and my Mom helped feed him at night with my pumped milk while I lay in bed with high fever.

Soon the storm passed and we went home, all well again. I stopped pumping eventually as we steadily eased into a comfortable nursing relationship, but had I not had my breast pumps with me, it might be a different story now.

We had Wolf with us for the first 2 days so he had the start of the colostrum (thick yellow fluid which has essential antibodies in them) but the next 5 days had I not pumped, firstly my breasts would have exploded (joking!) and we might have had a bumpier time trying to establish my milk supply again.

On help with breastfeeding, visit the La Leche League. For some mothers it may be tough and difficult to breastfeed initially, but don’t give up. The first month is the hardest. Once you get past that tough stage, I promise it will be worth the ride. For both of you.

Just a few days ago while nursing Wolf, I noticed a black dot on my nipple. It looked like a pen mark but no pen had ventured nearby. I tried to scratch it away but it refused to budge.

Rather perplexed I asked a doctor, and his reply was that it was a blood clot. Did Wolf bite my nipple recently, he asked. Yes he did, I replied. Ah… it should clear up within a week, he said. If not come back. It might be cancerous.

Fortunately it cleared up the next day.

This is a great landmark for Wolf.

Previously at night he’d be calling for me when he woke. Even if his Dad was there, he might well be nothing more than a log beside him, patting and trying to soothe him.

But last night he recognised the sleeping form of his Dad, now immune to his crying. His Dad had found him wide awake, sitting, and patting his back laughing and shrieking in delight. I’d been in the other room online. He had to call me twice before I heard him.

I went in to nurse him and he fell right back asleep. I’m so proud of him. It’s a first step towards independence. All the attachment we have been sharing has paid off.

He’s now happily playing with his Dad, crawling everywhere, the cats wandering here and there around him. He always watches them rapt, intrigued. It’s a lovely Saturday for all of us here.

Since day 1 I have approached motherhood algorithmically. It is always one of these few things: hunger, wind, sleepiness, diaper, attention. But it is useless when your brain is too wasted to make a clear analysis and act on it.

Wolf was still hungry last night. He’d fed, cried, burped repeatedly, and wanted to sleep. He finally slept at 1230am and woke at 330am, 730am, and 11am. If I’d just fed him more at 11pm, he may have slept till 5am as he usually did, but I was just too tired.

The lack of caffeine doesn’t help. I’m used to a cup of green tea at least. Now without even OJ, I am stuck with milk, which makes me even sleepier.

Meanwhile, my arm’s going to be numb. I forgot to strap MBF and Wolf fell asleep with my left arm wrapped heroically around him. Need Ben & Jerry’s ice cream at least…

Sleep: 3 + 4 + 3.5

In other more exciting news, they found lakes on Titan!

It’s pretty confirmed Wolf’s on a 5+3 night schedule now. In fact, he’s almost like clockwork. He fussed from 10pm till midnight, drinking like a parched nomad in the desert, and finally fell asleep on his own. He woke at 5am almost sharp, drank 4 sessions, had a diaper change, and wanted to play a little before finally sleeping at 7am (which was when I managed to sleep too). True to form, he woke again at 10am and we called it a night.

I’ve put away the milk towels for feeding, using them only to protect MBF or the bed. The plastic-backed bibs seem to be better, very much more absorbent and less messy, and also seem to give Wolf a better feeding experience (as a usability tester, it is important for virtually everything to have a good experience – hmm… maybe I should go into sales).

Did a bit of surfing today and found lots of cool parent sites. I like Parent Hacks and Rookie Mom for their cool ideas on managing baby. More links on the left under the category Mom Zones.

Our aircon is being serviced as I type this. Amazingly, Wolf is sleeping through the loud whirring. The past 5 nights, it had been dripping like a leaky faucet, sometimes like a river. My Dad said it was clogged. I hope to find out why soon.

Last night Wolf was fussy from 11pm-midnight. It is almost as if he knows his bedtime is midnight, so don’t try to con me, Mommy. After 2 failed attempts to put him to bed, third time was a charm after feeding extensively on both boobs.

He woke at 5am, fed extensively from both again and fell asleep quickly after a diaper change, burp, and a hug from Mom. I couldn’t sleep. Mind buzzing about work stuff. Finally I fell asleep close to 8 and had a strange but telling dream.

Wolf cried to be fed again at 8.30am and he ate and dozed till 9.30am. His Dad put him to bed then and us parents got up to have breakfast. I worked on my site while he studied a little.

Meanwhile, I decided bibs are better than milk towels for better absorption per square centimeter. They smell less bad too. This comes from someone who washes them daily, even soaking them in Dynamo and boiling water the night before. It just makes them smell like boiled milk.

He cried again at 10.30am, suckled a little but preferred to be entertained by an adoring Mom and Dad who sang and danced to him along to Allan Sherman’s comedy ditties. He laughed so much – we were so delighted. I brought him to his gym (he burped spontaneously en route) and he played a bit before getting fussy. His Dad carried him and he dozed almost immediately.

Kaku came to visit me in the loo! I petted her happily and told her I missed her. How was she, I asked. She meowed in return. Her tail section looked like it’d grown back some. Sam took his turn too and then scurried off. Back at my computer, Boy is dozing contentedly on his new fave spot – the coloured mat that I use to cover the wires. I am so happy things are getting back to normal.

Wolf just fed and is napping on my lap now. We best get dressed soon for lunch.

We took Wolf to Borders last night after a lovely Macs dinner. I managed to get a copy of The Selfish Gene – they’d brought in new stock. The poor boy was so hot that we took him out of his Bjorn and carried him. I fed him in the breastfeeding room at Wheelock and after seeing the dismal one at Great World, I have to say two thumbs up.

The sweetie fed at 10pm and again at 11pm. Slept at midnight and woke at 4.28am, 7am and 945am. He woke up so happy after the final feed he was smiling and laughing when I held him and talked to him. His Dad played Les Miserables for him and he loved it. What a happy baby he is.

Okay, the title reeks of a Jerry Springer-type story but last night while I was going comatose and frankly suffering brain damage from severe sleep deprivation, the Hubman came to the rescue.

I explained to him how I finally understood one weary Mom’s ponderance on how hair could possibly hurt and it was not because I pulled out a whole tuft while removing the koyok from my neck.

So at 9pm I went to bed, a few hairs short, and 2 panadols in me. Baby fussed and cried till 11pm (aka I got no sleep till then although I was prone), and I fed him one last time and was out like a light when kind Hub brought him outside.

I was woken up by Wolf’s fussing. Ran to the loo before it escalated into crying. Checked the clock – it was 509am! Quickly wore the MBF pillow and picked him up to feed. While feeding, I counted the hours (remember: brain function still slow). OMG… I slept 5 hours straight. It was a record since I gave birth.

Using the Compression Technique to make your baby feed more at night while dozing on boob (guarantees you a longer sleep), I finished feeding him on one side, changed his diaper, and then fed again on the other. When he was done, I sat him up for a while (to let the milk go down), and then tucked him back to bed. I think there was a spontaneous burp there when he sat up but I couldn’t recall if it was this feed or the next. Anyhoo.

At 8.30am he woke again and during the feed, smiled and laughed at me. It was so delightful! He went back to bed and woke again at 1050am. I dressed him in his favourite (okay, my favourite) Creysi romper and now he’s sitting up talking to his blue turtle friend and listening to Vivaldi.