Strange Machines

Following almost 6 years of baby carrying, here’s my take.

It’s been 2 kids and half a dozen baby carriers. Overall, I have to say that the Ergo Organic still is the best one for me. It is incredibly soft and cool (in this hot humid weather we have here) and is the most comfy for me, probably because of the material. We also have the original canvas Ergo but find it hotter and rougher on the shoulders.

For my husband who loves to back carry the 5 year old when he is tired, he swears by the Boba (1st gen). It has better back and hip support due to its thick and stiff waist band. The Boba is my go-to second and while it is hard for me to nurse it, it does support my back better and sits the little one higher. When he carries the little one, he does also prefer the Ergo Organic.

Bottom line is though, everyone’s body is different and their needs are different too. Ideally we should all try our carriers before buying (I didn’t). For my nomadic lifestyle where the kids go wherever I do on public transport, on my thin 5″8 frame, the Ergo Organic works best.

One thing for sure is, I have loved every minute of cuddling my little ones in our carriers and weaving through shops and supermarkets with ease. (Wish my back was as grateful though…)

Today we did an experiment. For the same distance I carried Kitten in the front in her Ergo Organic and Wolf at the back (yup, 2 kids!) with first, the Ergo, then the Patapum.

Comfort for Mom:

“The Ergo. Ergo on Ergo feels comfy. Weight is distributed mainly on the waist and very little on the shoulders. It was a comfy half hour walk.

The Patapum seemed to carry more weight on the shoulder and back which made it very uncomfortable for me by the end of the journey. The thick padded shoulder straps made my arms a little numb when not adjusted properly.

It also kept sliding up my waist, probably because of the stiff waist band and synthetic inner which makes it smoother. The Ergo tends to stay in place but bunches up with a bit more give.

On that note, I’d like to add that carrying 2 tends to generate quite a bit of sweat and it felt cooler with the cotton inner of the Ergo than the synthetic inner of Patapum.”

Comfort for Toddler:

“I prefer the Patapum because I like to put my legs through the hoops. More support. I like the Patapum for my back because it was very light (cooler).”

Asking Wolf, he said foot straps would help him sit a little more comfortably. As it is, his legs are dangling rather uncomfortably. He said later that he liked the Patapum’s additional leg support better than the Ergo. There, the ultimate consumer has spoken.

Ideally there should be a carrier that is comfortable for both Mom and Toddler, that’s why I’m keen to try the Boba which has loops for the toddler’s foot to rest in. Till then we’ll use the Patapum for very short journeys and the Ergo for longer walks but I’ll give his legs a boost by holding them on the side.

Summary:

Ergo – cooler for Mom’s waist, comfy for Mom’s back and shoulders.
Patapum – cooler for Toddler’s back, comfy for his legs because of support.

Recently, I purchased a Patapum (touted as better than the Ergo) as a spare carrier to bring out in case Wolf got tired and wanted me to back carry him.

I currently have 3 baby carriers. The Ergo Black with Cranberry lining is an at-home carrier while the beautiful Ergo Organic Carrier Black with Embroidery from my BFF figur8 is for going out.

The Patapum was cheaper at S$145 (before any discounts) and seemed a good idea to try a different carrier (the Beco was too expensive at S$250 or S$210 cheapest I saw it and was a nightmare to put on and unsuitable for toddlers).

In retrospect it was a bad idea. Being an Ergo user for about 3 years, it is easy to compare and clearly the Ergo comes out tops. Here’s why:

SUPPORT

Patapum – Adjust poorly and your shoulder blades will ache within minutes of carrying a toddler. Otherwise, both baby and toddler feel the same in it as the Ergo, fairly weightless.

Ergo – Good as gold, around the world. It feels soft yet stable for you and baby (and/or toddler, if x2). Although the stiff waist in the Patapum is supposed to be better support, I find the Ergo’s softer waist more comfortable with similar support.

BACK CARRY

Patapum – Particularly for toddlers and a back carry, it is imperative that it is easy to put the toddler in and remove the toddler.

Needing to insert the toddler’s legs inside 2 loops (of straps) to put him or her on the back is not easy on the fly. And it is absolutely hellish trying to remove the toddler whose 2 legs are now stuck in 2 loops.

You clearly need someone to help you carry the toddler out of the carrier or to have a platform high enough for toddler to sit, remove legs, and not trip over the straps while trying to extract self.

Circle marks the spot your toddler has to slip legs through

No strap enclosures to lift your child out of

Ergo – With the Ergo, I get Wolf to stand on a chair or I squat down, pull up the shoulder straps and clip. He’s on. To remove, I just unclip and slide him down my body slowly.

If you look at the picture of the Ergo above, it is wider, so lends more support to the curve of baby’s bottom and you can release and slide the toddler down easily if you back carry as there are no extra leg hole straps to have to lift him or her out of, like in the Patapum.

The extra support from those straps, touted by Patapum, is really replicated by Ergo’s wider body design.

NURSING

Patapum – The waist straps are really difficult to adjust while carrier was being used. They are way too stiff to just slide loose with one hand (or with 2).

If I need to nurse and so, need to loosen the waist strap to lower baby down, it is impossible. I have to remove the carrier, use 2 hands to concertedly readjust the strap and then wear it again. By which time, baby would be screaming.

Ergo – All I have to do is loosen the waist strap with one hand, with baby still in the carrier, lower the waist strap so baby sits lower and nursing’s a snap.

SHARING

Patapum – As the Patapum is so difficult to adjust, my husband tried carrying Wolf in it just once and gave up after 5 minutes when his shoulders ached and he couldn’t readjust it. Swore never to use it again.

I remember reading how a family bought 2 just so they wouldn’t have to readjust the carrier. Not very user-friendly at all.

Ergo – We swap it in a snap. (Sorry, pun!)

MATERIAL

Patapum – The carrier had a strong chemical smell when I first opened it. Formaldehyde in the canvas and polyester? I don’t know. And it did not come out after the first wash but after the 3rd and about 3 days of airing.

While the materials are certified by 3 different bodies in 3 different countries, after 3 washes it looks 3 years old after only 2 weeks old and less than 10 wears.

The colour has faded a little, and worst of all, one of the snaps has rusted (click image below to see close up of rusted snap), and the 3 snap enclosures have loose thread hanging out of them.

The snaps are also distinctly misaligned (see pic below) and the workmanship not as well as the Ergo’s.

The canvas is so rough to touch and I hate the polyester feel in the waist (mothers sweat there too) and shoulders, and wonder why they used it.

Patapum snaps with threads loose after only 2 weeks!
Click image to see rusted snap up close.

Ergo – My 3 year old Ergo Black still looks good. Used but definitely still in excellent condition. It is poly + cotton but doesn’t feel hot or uncomfortable.

My Ergo Organic Black with Embroidery is still looking new after 4 months of wear, feels soft and wonderful, and I wash both Ergos weekly.

Excellent workmanship on both carriers and the soft cotton waist strap (even the instruction label inside is cotton) absorbs all my sweat when carrying Kitten.

Buy organic if you’re worried about chemicals in the material but I never had any smell issues even with the non-organic one.

In the pictures, the carriers haven’t been washed in days and this is with baby puke in them, and wear from use outdoors (excluding the Ergo Black).

3 year old Ergo Black with Cranberry Lining

4 month old Ergo Organic Carrier Black with Embroidery

2 week old black Patapum

PORTABILITY

Patapum – Wrap it up and snap, or so it seems. The snaps work so poorly that they take a while to match up and press down accurately. Still, once snapped, you can carry it on your shoulder, clip it to your pram, or hook it onto your backpack.

Ergo – With the organic Ergo, you can tie the hood straps around the waist band and clip. Same with the Ergo black. The soft material means you can stuff it in your bag. Not so, with the stiff waist strap of the Patapum.

CONCLUSION

Many look at the design and price when buying a baby carrier, but also consider your daily usage and how easy to use the carrier is. For me, having to navigate my toddler’s legs through a pair of hoops proved to be a tad too unusable in the end for my purpose. Whatever the case, always try a baby carrier before buying it, be it from a friend or store.

My main issues with the Patapum are the shoddy workmanship and the poor usability of the design, particularly since they actually designed a toddler version of their carrier, which I bought for carrying a toddler in the back. (Plus the store here that sold the Patapum does not take returns, even for this dreadful workmanship.)

The Ergo at S$160 (organic from S$210-S$230) costs only slightly more than the Patapum which retails for S$148. I’d tell you to forget the Patapum and go buy the Ergo as a main or a spare. You won’t be disappointed.

(Note: 1 USD = + – 1.5 SGD)

Many people ask me why I practice attachment parenting (well, usually aspects of it like carrying Wolf, nursing him still at 2, and co-sleeping). Simply because it is the only scientifically proven method to produce a happy, smart, well-adjusted adult. This is not to say that other methods of parenting will not. But that attachment parenting (AP) consistently does.

If you want to build a airplane, you study to become an aerospace engineer. If you want to be a great lawyer, you study the law. If you want to become a doctor, you learn all you can about medicine and leverage on hundreds of years of medical experience and expertise to apply the best solution to a patient’s problem.

So why do so many parents not approach parenting the same way? Many don’t even bother to pick up a book or Google for advice and instead listen to well-meaning advice (aka hearsay) from dubious sources. The precious generation did not know best. Look at all the outdated practices like spanking and cry-it-out debunked and proven seriously harmful already. Now, surely during this age of enlightenment and science, scientists have come up with a “best practice” for parenting. And indeed they have.

It is attachment parenting. And you don’t even need to pick up a book although I will recommend a few. Google “attachment parenting” and a whole wealth of resources will be at your feet (if you can see them at this point, if pregnant).

Support from the scientific community is evident in the numerous research studies published on the various aspects of AP. It may not be apparent in the general attachment parenting pages but you’ll find them reported in scientific journals and the news. Keep an eye out for them.

Here are some AP practices:

1. Extended nursing
2. Sleep sharing
3. Positive parenting
4. Mutual respect
5. Enforcing limits
6. Natural food
7. Babywearing
8. Lots of hugs and attention, love, care, praise, encouragement, and smiles
9. Encourage baby to bond with others
10. Teach baby respect for himself and others

Now AP has been criticised for being extremely difficult to practice without an army of help. I agree. I have no one but my husband and occasionally my Dad to help out and am exhausted and sleep deprived every day. Everyone needs some time off and I am grateful I encouraged my husband and Dad to bond with Wolf since the day he was born. I trust them implicitly to care for him and he loves and adores them very much.

Despite my constant tiredness, Wolf and I have a wonderful bond which is evident in our matching grins when we share a joke, laugh together at funny things, sing together, or nurse together when I hold him like a baby again and he looks into my eyes with such love and adoration that I would slay dragons for him. Heck, he even lets me sleep in nowadays and gently suggests I wake once in a while with a big grin in my face and a “Good Morning Mommy!”

He is easy to bring out to town by myself in his Ergo carrier and stays close when on the run. I frequently get comments on how polite, well-spoken, and happy he is. He listens to me and will accept reason, negotiations, and bribery/carrots. (Yes! I am guilty!) Desserts are fruits and treats are tiny Japanese ice creams. He eats all the foods I offer and often asks for more vegetables.

I work very hard to be my husband’s cheerleader, as well as the cheerleader of all those important to my son. They are his heroes and I paint them as kind and loving and shining examples of humanity as I can and when held to task, they often exceed his expectations. For families, there’s this wonderful Ladybird book called My Superdad which I highly recommend everyone buying to read to their child. Dad will feel like a superhero every time his child points at him and says, “Look at that! It’s SuperDad!” like Wolf does.

AP is a journey. A wonderful journey for all parents who wish to embark on it. After all, you are building a lifelong relationship with this small mini-me of yours, why not make it a beautiful relationship. It has made me a better, kinder, more patient person (ask any of my friends!) keeping admirable Margaret Thatcher hours. Oh yes, the extra overtime you put in the first few years will save you years of worry, grief, and therapy bills later, so jokes one of the authors below. :p

Highly recommended books for a happy, sociable, smart, and loving child:
Note: no TV or daycare needed:

The Complete Secrets of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph

The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Dr Harvey Karp

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old by Dr Harvey Karp

Making Happy People: The Nature of Happiness and Its Origins in Childhood by Paul Martin

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

Curiously Wolf loves to tip his head back when he is being carried in the Ergo. Today he exposed his two growing front teeth! One has emerged fully width-wise, the other has a tiny edge peeking out. It was so cute I tried taking a photo but he was moving so much I missed.

We spent the evening in town and walked over to Taka for a change. I strapped him on my back with his Dad’s help and sped us down the pathway much to Wolf’s sheer delight. He shrieked with laughter all the way.

These days he naps easier when outside. Of course it helps if the place is quiet. I rock him gently from side to side and he dozes off. Even outside he can nap for an hour if there are no interruptions, which is great.

We went to Best to check out some laptops and put some to the “touch test”. There was an ASUS laptop that cost $1400, gorgeous black and tiny, 12″ screen and very light at 1.6kg, and with a 0% interest payment… but there were only display sets for sale so I had to politely decline.

All in all, it was a wonderful evening and we all have a great time out as a family.

1. Buy a cloth sling and practice carrying baby in it all day. It is ideal at this age because he loves to be close to Mom and sleep most of the time and it is easy to nurse in it. You can easily surf, use the loo, and go about your day. It is natural for babies to want to be carried at the time plus he gains a strong sense of self-worth being unconditionally loved by Mom all the time.

2. When he is awake and in the sling, sit him a little more upright and point out things to him as you go about your day. When you’re brushing your teeth, make funny faces to him in the mirror, when you’re pouring milk, explain how Mom drinks milk too. He’ll love being part of your day.

3. Spend some of the day with him in his crib or on your bed or on the floor. Talk to him, sing to him, animate some stuffed toys and do a little play for him, read to him. He just wants to see your face and loving glances at this point.

4. If you want to put him down for a nap, try nursing him on the side (with a small towel under you to sop up the spillage) and then once he is asleep, you can steal away. Just make sure he is safe wherever he is.

5. Remember to feed and hydrate yourself too. Make breakfast, lunch, and dinner with lots of snacks in between. Keep healthy snack food (bananas, apples, carrots, e.g.) and a bottle of water near you as you might be too exhausted to move some days.

6. Keep reading material and your phone (important for impromptu brilliant Kodak moments and surfing or checking Gmail) near you in case you suddenly need to nurse and can’t get up to get stuff.

7. If there’s someone else in the house to help you, ensure they have a mobile phone too so you can keep your phone on silent and send text messages when you need help and baby is asleep.

8. Create a routine for yourself and follow it everyday. It will help you manage your day better for now.

9. Rest as much as you can. It’s impossible to nap with baby every time but just lying down helps. Get some me-time as well. Let Daddy play with baby for as much time as he can spare for important Dad-bonding (children who have involved fathers are more self-confident and possess better self-worth as adults).

10. Believe in yourself. The most critical thing for this period is to build your confidence as a mother and bond with your child. Everything else should take a backseat. Enjoy every moment with baby for you’ll never get back this precious time when they are so tiny.

There’s so much misinformation out there about parenting from harmful advice such as cry-it-out (CIO), not “spoiling” your baby, or sleep training your baby (see more studies on sleep) to simply annoying groundless superstitions and anecdotes. So it was with a breath of fresh air that KellyMom, a great evidence-based parenting resource, was found. It is a true gem in the wastelands of the web.

As with every other science, we can never be absolutely sure. But with peer-review studies turning up the same conclusions, we can surmise that it is reasonably accurate. I have checked the findings against other books by parenting writers like Sears, Biddulph, and others, as well as research published in science and health journals and news releases, and each affirmation buoys my decision to practice attachment parenting (AP).

Here are the things I practice as a parent:

1. I breastfeed my baby on demand.
2. I wear my baby with a sling or baby carrier.
3. Baby sleeps with us in our bed.
4. When my baby cries, I pick him up.
5. I always show my baby love and respect.
6. When he looks at me or seeks me, I give him attention so he gains a sense of self-worth.
7. I don’t sleep train or potty train my baby.
8. My baby is with me wherever I go, meeting new people and new scenarios.
9. I continue learning about parenting.
10. I smile to my baby first thing in the morning.
11. I say no and redirect or distract.
12. I never punish my baby for being a baby.
13. I ensure his trust in me is never breached.
14. I always remind my baby how much I love him.

Resources:

8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know by Dr William Sears
What is Attachment Parenting by Diana West, IBCLC
The Science of Attachment: The Biological Roots of Love by Lauren Lindsey Porter
Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say by Alvin Powell
Early Brain Development: What parents and caregivers need to know by Phyllis Porter, M.A.
The Emotional Infant Brain by Lynn M. Johnson
Mistaken Approaches to Night Waking by Paul M. Fleiss, M.D., M.P.H., F.A.A.P., 2000
Responsive Parenting by Kelley Shirazi
Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies by Dr William Sears
Stress in Infancy by Linda Folden Palmer, D.C.