Strange Machines

This would be Wolf’s second kiddy birthday party ever. The first he was around 2, stayed with me all the while. But today he keenly sat with the other kids to watch the storyteller narrate a tale. He also excitedly received a balloon sword and played swordfighting with several kids, primarily with a 6 year old boy who he managed to disarm.

I was proud that he wasn’t afraid and didn’t even stand down when the older boy returned with help to defeat him, lobbied a few other smaller boys including the birthday boy, to help, but the smaller boys all decided to tackle him instead. Later the boy even brought an older girl to help him and the two older kids were carrying balloon swords attacking Wolf. He held his own.

Wolf fought bravely but his Dad and I stepped in to intervene when they abandoned their swords and started to use their fists (but never hit him… yet). I don’t think the kids were being mean, maybe got carried away by the game. But the sight of two 6 year old kids getting ready to punch my kid was hair-raising.

Wolf was still enthused and told me, “Mama, I wanna fight.” I told him he was brave and good to not hit anyone but once the other kid didn’t want to play anymore it was time to stop. He understood, and thankfully didn’t seem perturbed that the older boy was upset at being defeated by him that he actually employed help to beat him.

At school this will probably happen. I am glad my son will not be bullied and it is my job to teach him to know his strength and never to be a bully.

Kitten wore her Loveybums diaper set (cloth with wool cover) this morning after a wake-the-household poop. She’s almost outgrowing her newborn/small diaper and cover so I’d bought some mediums from Loveybums, which incidentally fit perfectly. She was 7kg at 2 months.

Suddenly after her nap and feed I heard that unmistakable sound – the prat sound that could only mean a second poop.

I gamely opened her wool cover. No stain. Her cloth diaper… Yellow poop concentrated on the fleece cover. I covered her back and brought her to the bathroom, took off the diaper and put it on the ground, washed her bottom then carried her.

I rinsed all the poop out but the fleece still looked a little yellow. In it went into the washing machine with Wolf’s Loveybums diaper from last night.

Yes… I can do this again.

Update: She pooped again this evening before her bath. Like a pro, I brought her to the bathroom, removed her cloth diaper and hosed it down with hot water while we both bathed, and then put it in the laundry with the rest of the wash. Yay!

Hubby’s taken the kids out (Kitten in the Ergo and Wolf in the pram) for a walk. This is the second time and he’s confident to do it after Kitten’s had her milk and is ready for a nap, and Wolf is ready for his nap too so he really does the walking himself. Good exercise.

Yesterday I decided it was time to be brave or not at all. I confess my fears about cloth diapering was the awful handwashing, the smell, the potential poop, and leakage. Still it didn’t stop me from buying all the below cloth diapers and accessories while pregnant with Kitten. I did cloth diaper Wolf when I was pregnant but when Kitten was born, handwashing single diapers became too much of a chore.

My thought was, now with so much laundry to do every day, it would be less of a chore putting them all in cloth and washing the diapers and accessories together. But of course to ease my eww factor, I’d rinse them first then put them in the diaper bin.

Kitten is now 3 months old. I am feeling strong. I can do this.

So here I was, armed with 3 organic BumGeniuses, 2 Loveybums organic wool covers, and 6 organic cloth diapers for the kids, a wonderful new washer and dryer from my Mom, a covered plastic PP container I bought from Ikea as a diaper bin, and nowhere to go. It was time.

I would put the kids in their cloth diapers and when it was time to change it, I would rinse them as best as I could and put them in the diaper bin, wet. When all the diapers were used, they would be washed in the machine with 2 tablespoons of Seventh Generation washing powder I use.

Wolf wore a BumGenius for 6 hours and no leakage. In fact, it didn’t even feel terribly full. Yay! Success. Night time was the tricky one.

My friend Phoebe and I were comparing notes on why the Mame Poko disposables we were using before were now leaking at night. Because it is a new design to make it thinner. And apparently not more absorbent, she snorted.

So that night I was determined to try another option.

I have these 4 layer brick-sized hemp inserts I’d bought from Whoopeekiddies, incidentally based in Singapore but ships worldwide. I’ve bought tons of organic stuff from them, including the BumGeniuses.

Anyway, I put the Loveybums (from the US but ships internationally too – yay!) organic cloth diaper on Wolf (love the organic cotton fleece that would be touching his skin – something the BumGenius SHOULD have put in their design but didn’t), stuffed a hemp insert under the cotton fleece, and then wrapped his bum up (excuse pun) with the Loveybums organic wool cover. He looked so cute in it! I must remember to take a photo tonight. And… for good measure, had him sleep on the rubber mat just in case.

In the morning, NO LEAKAGE! I almost wept with joy. I had my doubts about wool being waterproof but this has buoyed my confidence in using this combo. Now, when I opened up the layers, the cloth diaper and inserts were soaked through the front (cos he has boy parts). But the wool contained them. His pyjamas were dry. His wool cover was dry! I almost wept with joy. Did I just say that again? Ok, it smelled slightly but airing it is supposed to help.

I was so thrilled that I put both kids in the remaining 2 BumGeniuses and they’re both colourful and happy today. Looks like I’ll have to stock up on more diapers. I’d love to try the Gro Baby^TM which is also in organic cotton, a new system of diapering which has earned quite a bit of rave reviews recently, and I think will be great for going out in the day since that is what we do every day anyway.

Tonight both kids go in their cloth+wool combos and we’ll see what the morning brings.

Cloth Diaper + Accessories Count for Wolf and Kitten:

3 organic BumGeniuses
2 organic Loveybums wool covers
2 large organic Loveybums cloth diapers
1 NB/S organic Loveybums cloth diaper
3 medium organic Loveybums cloth diapers
4 hemp supersoaker inserts

After a ton of research when we were considering another child, we put in place a few rules to prepare him:

1. Wolf must feel and know that Kitten belongs to us. We are a family.

2. We must make him feel she is worthy of all our love and that she takes away none of our love from him.

3. Sharing is emphasized. Sharing is what a family does.

4. Having a sister must be a positive and happy thing to him.

5. Family time is important. We must spend time together (before bedtime, for us) every day. All 4 of us.

6.To remember that it is our job as parents to ensure 1-5 happens and parry all negative sentiments from others.

So with that in mind, here is what we did:

1. Before Kitten was conceived, we asked Wolf if he wanted a sibling. He said yes.

2. When I was pregnant, we told him we were making the baby for him, and more importantly, that she belonged to him and us, and is also part of this family.

3. When I was tired, I told him making a baby in my tummy was hard work and gave him lots of hugs, kisses, and attention and cuddles while I lay down to rest. We did resty things like reading and playing cars on the bed.

4. I nursed, as painful as it became with my nipples becoming extra sore. I distracted myself with my iPod Touch as I could no longer fall asleep nursing him because of the pain and discomfort.

5. We took care to associate her arrival with wonderful and positive experiences. Like receiving special presents from each parent, and one special one (he has always wanted) from Kitten given when he first meets her. And he got to choose a present for her. It worked beautifully.

6. I tandem nursed as often as I could (too tired to argue anyway). Day time anyway. Night time was tougher as he was nursed to sleep. Someone had to either carry her till he slept or entertain him while she nursed and then dozed off, on her own (of this I am grateful).

7. We do things together. I keep them both close – none of this someone takes him away from me while I am looking after her. Whether changing diapers or nursing or playing. Both kids sit on my lap during story time.

8. I don’t refuse him as much as I can if he wants to nurse. He wants to know I still love him so I show him in that way that I do. Lately he has been asking me if I love him and I take it as a sign that he needs my attention. I always stop what I am doing and look him in the eye and say tenderly, of course I love you… so much.

9. I take time to spend individually with each child. Daddy takes him out to the playground so I have one-on-time with Kitten (even though when he is engrossed in his games I sneak a conversation with her). When she is asleep in our Ergo (which I use all the time with her), I play and read to him.

10. It is tiring and I am often exhausted and screaming for me-time. Accept all the help you can get to rest. But don’t allow anyone to undermine your relationship with your kids. When they say well-meaning things that do hurt him, I reassure him and correct them gently.

Take your time and enjoy each day. Your greatest gift to your children are to help them build a strong and loving bond between them so that years on even after you are gone, they will always still have each other.

I have chosen physical exhaustion instead of mental exhaustion. Probably it is best for the kids too. Staying home with the 2 children has been exhausting with Wolf bouncing off the 4 walls and constantly asking me questions. Carrying Kitten in the Ergo and pushing Wolf in Kitten’s Combi pram (in case I want to let her lie in it during her alert phase) has been infinitely more rewarding.

Every day we have a playdate either with friends and their children or with family. It has been immensely more enriching for us 3 and although I am physically exhausted by the end of the day, I don’t get cabin fever and feel more alive and surprisingly, awake when out.

Night time is another story. Wolf has regressed to waking as much as 20 times a night, primarily in the morning where he MUST nurse. He will let his sister nurse first though if she wakes too and thankfully, the little one sips and dozes off quickly. She only wakes on average of 3 times and not always to nurse, and can fall asleep by herself sometimes, thankfully. I wonder how long sleep regression lasts. It has been exhausting, both emotionally and physically, for both Wolf and I.

The other night I took the children to the nearby park and pointed to the sky, telling Wolf about the planets, moons, and stars out there and how special we all are, to even exist, against such amazing odds. He was quite enthralled.

Today, DH has taken Wolf out to the park and Kitten is entertaining herself on the bed, cooing in delight and talking to herself (“ah papah”) at something only she is entertained by, I am not sure what. So I grab this special me-time and finally write a post.

I am grateful she is a healthy, happy, calm, and good-natured girl. It has helped me manage both of them so much easier despite walking around in a daze of permanent delirium.

Well, I’ve given up the afternoon for all of us after several fruitless attempts. Both kids are too amused by the arrangement that no one gets any sleep. So Wolf stays up till the occasional doze while we are in the car past 3pm and is relatively cranky during the day. Kitten just sleeps whenever she’s sleepy in the carrier. My back hurts!

Night time was another tricky thing. Initially Kitten was happy for Daddy to carry her to sleep while I nursed Wolf to sleep. But now she recognises Daddy isn’t Mommy. So she screams when he carries her during lights out till he passes her to me.

So when it is lights out, all 4 of us get into bed. I nurse Kitten to sleep while Daddy cuddles Wolf and tells him stories. Sometimes he falls asleep but usually when Kitten is done, he’ll ask for a little milk and then goes to sleep on his own. Sometimes he feels he needs more and tries to persuade me to nurse him before she falls asleep so I do for a short while, and he rolls back to Daddy (who is usually asleep by now) and I nurse Kitten again. Everyone’s happy although I get real sleepy. (Last night he even kneeled to nurse a bit while I nursed Kitten so technically I tandemed both at night even though I was turned towards her.)

Middle of the night wakings continue… Initially Wolf was distressed when he woke up, needed to suckle but his sister was nursing. Lots of screaming and crying ensued but his calmer sister usually dozed off and gave him his turn. These days he wakes less and is happy to wait a bit. She almost sleeps through the night, which is a relief!

The first few months are tough but with help and support from the hubby, it is doable.

One of the difficulties of tandem nursing is when both kids want to nurse at the same time and you don’t or can’t. In the middle of the night and early morning is the toughest because it is hard to balance both while lying down, being really too tired to sit up. Don’t try, you’ll be even more tired.

Day time I can sit down and cuddle both. Hence today I am a zombie today, not because Kitten has been up – she woke thrice but slept again quickly after a brief suckle, but Wolf’d been up every hour howling for milk.

My theory: that damn chocolate cake I ate after dinner plus Wolf didn’t nap that day and had only 10 hours the day before.

I’ll skip the night time chocolate and make sure Wolf gets enough attention and naps today. I need my zzz too… zzz

The first month after delivery is always the toughest. A tired mother needs her body to recover yet also care for her new baby. That’s also the time we realise what we’re missing. For me, it was more pajamas for Kitten, a new breast pump, and milk bottles. Plus lots and lots of diapers.

I also had to entertain Wolf with the promise of presents to make his sister’s presence a positive one. Ok. It is bribery, but it works. So we surfed ShopWiki.com for toys and games as well as toddler books for him.

He’s accepted his sister and is gentle and loving towards her, even when he thinks I am not watching. That is a blessing of both the positive reinforcement with pressies and tandem nursing, although the latter has been tiring for me. I wish I had more support but the consensus by the detractors is that he should be weaned. Still, it is between me and him and I have learnt to stop complaining to them. Only to friends who empathise.

Just one day after I cremated my Boy, I went into labour. Sunday morning my water broke and after a 17 hour labour (4 hours 2nd stage) without epidural – damn thing didn’t work – my little Kitten entered this world kicking and screaming. She’s got a full head of hair and her Daddy’s features. She has been smiling since her very first day in the world.

After a week of phototherapy, we brought her home. She presented Wolf with an Ikea cat and they have been best pals ever since. We have to remind him to be gentle around her but the tandem nursing (which takes some practice at the angling) and the present and the many months of positive reinforcement about his sister helped him accept her almost immediately.

She doesn’t cry much except for food and never for a wet diaper or attention, although she is immensely curious. She loves to smile at me when I call her. She brings us much joy as her brother does.

After one of the roughest and exhausting nights in my nursing history when Wolf nursed almost every hour on my completely sore and exhausted nipples (and howling as if the world was ending if he didn’t receive any – “I really really want NAN!”), Wolf cheered me with a lovely conversation about me not going back to work.

His Dad asked him, “How about Mom goes back to work and then we have more money to buy you more toys?”

He looked at me and said, “No, I want Mom to look after me. I have enough toys. See,” gesturing to his stuffed animals on the cot. “I have so many friends.”

Then he hugged me. :`)