Strange Machines

This phenomenon is apparently not new, but it certainly is funny to watch! Kitten has started crawling but backwards and gets mighty ornery when she gets backed into a corner.

Meanwhile she and her brother are getting along great! Every morning she chuckles when Wolf goes to say good morning to her and he watches her while I go get washed up and water the plants, wash the diapers, etc. The great thing about having 2 is that they rarely miss Mom when she has to pop away for a short while. I can often hear them laughing about something funny Wolf is doing to amuse his sister.

Today she couldn’t stop laughing at him balancing on the top of the couch while her Daddy carried her. I’m glad she has a wonderful sense of humour, except when she gets backed into a corner. :p

The kids and I had gastric flu last week (or was it the week before) and fart jokes were abound. With hourly wakings and tummy trouble all around, it was a wonder anyone got any rest.

All I can say about this sleepless fugue of motherhood is your body gets used to it.

Soon you too will be scoffing at your partner for needing to nap after a 5 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep.

After all, you’re bright and cheery after 4 hours interrupted sleep with 2 kids in tow (albeit with slurred speech, a glazed expression, and a short-term memory shorter than a gnat’s, and that’s after a big shot of caffeine).

Note: tummies are better but still have an intense dislike for fried oily food and will rebel with aforementioned response if afflicted with.

Speaking of sleep, today Wolf woke 2 hours early and fell asleep nursing while standing up as I was carrying Kitten in the Boba carrier!

Today we did an experiment. For the same distance I carried Kitten in the front in her Ergo Organic and Wolf at the back (yup, 2 kids!) with first, the Ergo, then the Patapum.

Comfort for Mom:

“The Ergo. Ergo on Ergo feels comfy. Weight is distributed mainly on the waist and very little on the shoulders. It was a comfy half hour walk.

The Patapum seemed to carry more weight on the shoulder and back which made it very uncomfortable for me by the end of the journey. The thick padded shoulder straps made my arms a little numb when not adjusted properly.

It also kept sliding up my waist, probably because of the stiff waist band and synthetic inner which makes it smoother. The Ergo tends to stay in place but bunches up with a bit more give.

On that note, I’d like to add that carrying 2 tends to generate quite a bit of sweat and it felt cooler with the cotton inner of the Ergo than the synthetic inner of Patapum.”

Comfort for Toddler:

“I prefer the Patapum because I like to put my legs through the hoops. More support. I like the Patapum for my back because it was very light (cooler).”

Asking Wolf, he said foot straps would help him sit a little more comfortably. As it is, his legs are dangling rather uncomfortably. He said later that he liked the Patapum’s additional leg support better than the Ergo. There, the ultimate consumer has spoken.

Ideally there should be a carrier that is comfortable for both Mom and Toddler, that’s why I’m keen to try the Boba which has loops for the toddler’s foot to rest in. Till then we’ll use the Patapum for very short journeys and the Ergo for longer walks but I’ll give his legs a boost by holding them on the side.

Summary:

Ergo – cooler for Mom’s waist, comfy for Mom’s back and shoulders.
Patapum – cooler for Toddler’s back, comfy for his legs because of support.

It seems everyone wants me to send Wolf to school, from my parents to the old lady I meet serving tea at the coffee shop. “It is essential for socialisation,” they insist.

The research says otherwise.

Playdates and preschool attendance can add stimulation—-and fun—-to your child’s daily life. But socialization-—the process of learning how to get along with others-—is not the same thing as socializing. Frequent socializing with peers does not necessarily lead to better social skills.

In fact, the opposite seems to be true. Too much time with peers can make kids behave badly. It’s the sulky elephant in the room that no one likes to talk about. Even upscale preschools are likely to make kids behave worse. As recent scientific studies confirm, preschool attendance increases childhood stress and retards social development.

(Source: Preschool Social Skills)

To many parents and teachers, these findings seem to defy common sense. Surely we learn social skills by interacting with other people. What could be more natural than letting your preschooler loose in a social world of her own peers?

In fact, part of this reasoning is sound. You do need people to learn people skills. The question is–which people? Preschoolers need to learn empathy, compassion, patience, emotional self-control, social etiquette, patience, and an upbeat, constructive attitude for dealing with social problems.

These lessons can’t be learned through peer contact alone. Preschools are populated with impulsive, socially incompetent little people who are prone to sudden fits of rage or despair. These little guys have difficulty controlling their emotions, and they are ignorant of the social niceties. They have poor insight into the minds and emotions of others (Gopnik et al 1999).

Yes, preschoolers can offer each other important social experiences. But their developmental status makes them unreliable social tutors. A child who copies other children may pick up good habits—-but she may also pick up bad ones. And peers do not always provide each other with right kind of feedback.

When a child offers to share his toy with a caring adult, he gets rewarded with gratitude and praise. He also learns that he will eventually get his toy back. When he offers to share with a peer, he may not get rewarded at all. Without adult guidance, these experiences can undermine social development by teaching the wrong lessons.

Moreover, it’s hard to see what’s natural about herding together a bunch of children who are all the same age. From the evolutionary, historical, and cross-cultural perspectives, it’s an unusual practice.

(Source: The darkside of preschool)

As parents, we are the best candidates to instill in our children the necessary building blocks in socialisation: empathy, emotional self-control, and communication. Offering our children a secure attachment and ourselves as good role models, and being involved and engaged in our children’s emotional world would arm them with better social skills than any preschool would.

And just like that, Wolf toilet trained himself.

I think it was mid-week last week when he started telling me, “Mama I need to pee,” and managed to hold his pee, with his cheering contingent (aka me, dad, and Kitten), made it to the loo, said he was ready, and peed to our exuberant joy.

Previously, he would tell me but he wouldn’t make it on time. This is because children can’t actually hold their pee (to make that trip to the bathroom) till they are 3+. But he never gave up and one day it just happened!

And it continued…

“Mama I need to pee,” he’d exclaim and we’d hustle ourselves to the bathroom excitedly and watch him pee, close the lid, flush, and wash hands with soap.

And now at home, he doesn’t need a diaper anymore. I am so proud of him! He did it all by himself.

Recently, I purchased a Patapum (touted as better than the Ergo) as a spare carrier to bring out in case Wolf got tired and wanted me to back carry him.

I currently have 3 baby carriers. The Ergo Black with Cranberry lining is an at-home carrier while the beautiful Ergo Organic Carrier Black with Embroidery from my BFF figur8 is for going out.

The Patapum was cheaper at S$145 (before any discounts) and seemed a good idea to try a different carrier (the Beco was too expensive at S$250 or S$210 cheapest I saw it and was a nightmare to put on and unsuitable for toddlers).

In retrospect it was a bad idea. Being an Ergo user for about 3 years, it is easy to compare and clearly the Ergo comes out tops. Here’s why:

SUPPORT

Patapum – Adjust poorly and your shoulder blades will ache within minutes of carrying a toddler. Otherwise, both baby and toddler feel the same in it as the Ergo, fairly weightless.

Ergo – Good as gold, around the world. It feels soft yet stable for you and baby (and/or toddler, if x2). Although the stiff waist in the Patapum is supposed to be better support, I find the Ergo’s softer waist more comfortable with similar support.

BACK CARRY

Patapum – Particularly for toddlers and a back carry, it is imperative that it is easy to put the toddler in and remove the toddler.

Needing to insert the toddler’s legs inside 2 loops (of straps) to put him or her on the back is not easy on the fly. And it is absolutely hellish trying to remove the toddler whose 2 legs are now stuck in 2 loops.

You clearly need someone to help you carry the toddler out of the carrier or to have a platform high enough for toddler to sit, remove legs, and not trip over the straps while trying to extract self.

Circle marks the spot your toddler has to slip legs through

No strap enclosures to lift your child out of

Ergo – With the Ergo, I get Wolf to stand on a chair or I squat down, pull up the shoulder straps and clip. He’s on. To remove, I just unclip and slide him down my body slowly.

If you look at the picture of the Ergo above, it is wider, so lends more support to the curve of baby’s bottom and you can release and slide the toddler down easily if you back carry as there are no extra leg hole straps to have to lift him or her out of, like in the Patapum.

The extra support from those straps, touted by Patapum, is really replicated by Ergo’s wider body design.

NURSING

Patapum – The waist straps are really difficult to adjust while carrier was being used. They are way too stiff to just slide loose with one hand (or with 2).

If I need to nurse and so, need to loosen the waist strap to lower baby down, it is impossible. I have to remove the carrier, use 2 hands to concertedly readjust the strap and then wear it again. By which time, baby would be screaming.

Ergo – All I have to do is loosen the waist strap with one hand, with baby still in the carrier, lower the waist strap so baby sits lower and nursing’s a snap.

SHARING

Patapum – As the Patapum is so difficult to adjust, my husband tried carrying Wolf in it just once and gave up after 5 minutes when his shoulders ached and he couldn’t readjust it. Swore never to use it again.

I remember reading how a family bought 2 just so they wouldn’t have to readjust the carrier. Not very user-friendly at all.

Ergo – We swap it in a snap. (Sorry, pun!)

MATERIAL

Patapum – The carrier had a strong chemical smell when I first opened it. Formaldehyde in the canvas and polyester? I don’t know. And it did not come out after the first wash but after the 3rd and about 3 days of airing.

While the materials are certified by 3 different bodies in 3 different countries, after 3 washes it looks 3 years old after only 2 weeks old and less than 10 wears.

The colour has faded a little, and worst of all, one of the snaps has rusted (click image below to see close up of rusted snap), and the 3 snap enclosures have loose thread hanging out of them.

The snaps are also distinctly misaligned (see pic below) and the workmanship not as well as the Ergo’s.

The canvas is so rough to touch and I hate the polyester feel in the waist (mothers sweat there too) and shoulders, and wonder why they used it.

Patapum snaps with threads loose after only 2 weeks!
Click image to see rusted snap up close.

Ergo – My 3 year old Ergo Black still looks good. Used but definitely still in excellent condition. It is poly + cotton but doesn’t feel hot or uncomfortable.

My Ergo Organic Black with Embroidery is still looking new after 4 months of wear, feels soft and wonderful, and I wash both Ergos weekly.

Excellent workmanship on both carriers and the soft cotton waist strap (even the instruction label inside is cotton) absorbs all my sweat when carrying Kitten.

Buy organic if you’re worried about chemicals in the material but I never had any smell issues even with the non-organic one.

In the pictures, the carriers haven’t been washed in days and this is with baby puke in them, and wear from use outdoors (excluding the Ergo Black).

3 year old Ergo Black with Cranberry Lining

4 month old Ergo Organic Carrier Black with Embroidery

2 week old black Patapum

PORTABILITY

Patapum – Wrap it up and snap, or so it seems. The snaps work so poorly that they take a while to match up and press down accurately. Still, once snapped, you can carry it on your shoulder, clip it to your pram, or hook it onto your backpack.

Ergo – With the organic Ergo, you can tie the hood straps around the waist band and clip. Same with the Ergo black. The soft material means you can stuff it in your bag. Not so, with the stiff waist strap of the Patapum.

CONCLUSION

Many look at the design and price when buying a baby carrier, but also consider your daily usage and how easy to use the carrier is. For me, having to navigate my toddler’s legs through a pair of hoops proved to be a tad too unusable in the end for my purpose. Whatever the case, always try a baby carrier before buying it, be it from a friend or store.

My main issues with the Patapum are the shoddy workmanship and the poor usability of the design, particularly since they actually designed a toddler version of their carrier, which I bought for carrying a toddler in the back. (Plus the store here that sold the Patapum does not take returns, even for this dreadful workmanship.)

The Ergo at S$160 (organic from S$210-S$230) costs only slightly more than the Patapum which retails for S$148. I’d tell you to forget the Patapum and go buy the Ergo as a main or a spare. You won’t be disappointed.

(Note: 1 USD = + – 1.5 SGD)

2200: Late already. Dang. Put Kitten’s diaper on and dress her.

2217: Wolf finally dressed after bribery of stories I made up on the spot.

2228: Lights out. Kitten nurses. Play Ranch Rush on iPod Touch. Third time already. Quite bored of it. Play Orions. Wonder if still remember after such a long break.

2312: Wolf nurses along with Kitten. Play Orions. Thrash computer with my fave deck.

0012: Yay! Kitten and Wolf are out.

0015: Go get supper. Check Facebook. Reply email. Eat some Kettle chips. Drink organic milk.

0035: Kitten wakes. Sigh. Play Who’s Got The Biggest Brain game on iPod Touch. Attain Cyborg status by choosing most skilled tests on pro level. Bored now.

0056: Oh no, Wolf stirring. Phew! He went back to sleep. Kitten still nursing feverishly. Like a deep sea diver breathing.

0058: Try pulling away but she’s not letting go. Sigh.

0101: Try pulling away again but she still holding tight. Sigh. Gonna try to unlatch…

0104: Failed. Wondering if resident roaches eating my Kettle chips.

0109: Unlatched. Kitten flailed but went to sleep. Returning to chips.

0147: Wolf stirs. I spot a roach on my bed! Run out and get a rolled up newspaper, swat the bastard off, he falls on the ground. I whack but he escapes under the bed. Damn! And Wolf sits up rubbing his eyes. Ma, he calls. And I nurse again.

0225: He’s done.

0310: Wolf wakes up with a “Ma uh Nan”, sniffle. I’ve finished placing 2 more traps under the bed to catch that confounded beast. Tomorrow I’m buying industrial strength traps. Managed to order a nice silicone case, the Agent18 Flowervest (very pretty!), for my iPod Touch and download a couple of apps. Yawn. Will sleep after this feed.

0328: Kitten is up. Does her hyperventilating sound and I hurry to nurse her. Sigh.

0348: Kitten finally done. Can I finally sleep?

0354: Brushed teeth, turned off light and net, ready for bed. Checked for roach. None. Wolf wakes. “Mom Nan,” he says. I nurse him. Kitten wheezes. I cower in fear. she stops. Only sound is Wolf drinking milk. Gonna try close my eyes now. Hope the roach gets stuck in one of my traps!

0403: Reclaimed boob. Gonna zzz now.

0607: Kitten wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

0715: Wolf wakes. Nurse. Sleep.

1050: Alarm goes. I press snooze 3x before reaching for the chilled packet of crysanthemum white tea with Wolf still attached. I drink it and feel more awake. Time to get up.

Between the 0715 feed and now, the kids woke again, maybe twice but too sleepy to register.

The kids get 12 hours sleep each which is so important for the development of their brain.

Note: This post was written on my iPod Touch. Yay!

It felt like I had much more time to myself before I had a second child. Wolf was bathed, we had plenty of time to read books together and he had time to play games by himself while his Dad and I chatted or he gave me a quick back rub (for carrying his son around all day).

Having a baby and toddler definitely takes more time and energy, especially at night. We must leave wherever we are by 8.30pm or the very latest, 9pm. I bathe Kitten while Daddy bathes Wolf, in that order. Then I dress both children, read a little to Wolf (not as much as before I regret), Kitten gets tummy time, and lights out at 10.30pm.

Kitten gets nursed to bed first, while Daddy reads to Wolf or lets him watch some animals on YouTube. Sometimes he comes in looking for me and I nurse him too. He crawls into a kneeling position while I nurse Kitten on my side or at a 45 degree angle facing Kitten. Or else, when Kitten falls asleep, which can take on average an hour, I call Wolf and he nurses to sleep too.

That can take another hour. So if I am lucky, I get off duty (although on call) by 11.30pm. On average, it is midnight. Really unlucky, 12.30pm or 1am because Kitten has woken up and needs to be nursed again or worse, wakes Wolf up too so repeat and rinse.

By which time I am famished and parched and need a snack, which I enjoy in front of the computer, in the same room as the kids so I can run to them if they call for me, which is relatively often or by 3-4am. Or in Wolf’s case, maybe 2am. But usually after my supper.

I wish I and other stay-home moms would not be berated for claiming some me-time at the expense of sleep. We are human too, and need to unwind. And with 2, there is even less time left in the night to claim.

Actually, I do school Wolf but usually on the go.

Language

When we’re in the car we have a chat about anything under the sun. We converse on the go and I explain things to him as we see them. I gently correct him if he is incorrect. He gets it right pretty fast. I read that that is the best way to improve a child’s language. Just talk to him.

Creativity and Imagination

At lunch we use activity books for play with his Playmobil or Lego figurines and cars in imagined scenarios (they have pictures we pretend are cities or homes or parks or zoos. We take the family to the zoo for example or through the catacombs to look for treasure.

I recently bought some Lego characters from the Indiana Jones trilogy (with beige faces!) and some came with a map, torch, and whip. Very useful with his maze book which features tunnels and treasure!

Sometimes he’s happy to work on his dexterity by colouring or working on mazes or just drawing. Makes it easy to pop food in his mouth once he’s past his feed-myself threshold.

Science

I try to answer all his questions honestly and scientifically as I can, explaining as simply as I can concepts of our world I’ve long taken for granted.

Why is the tree green? Why are the clouds white? What is dry ice? If I don’t know I tell him I’ll find out. He finds it all fascinating and soon we’re in a chain of whys.

Coffee helps keep the good cheer.

Math and the Value of Money (and How to Wait for What You Want)

He’s been wanting to buy toys so I make it a point to tell him the price of things. What is expensive and what is a reasonable price. He will only buy well-made toys after 3 years of brainwashing. :p

Big and/or expensive toys are reserved for Christmas. He’ll ask me, for Christmas? I say okay. These are over $20.

He is allowed to buy a toy under $10, preferably around $5 with my approval. Sometimes I see something *I* really want and I buy it for him. I try not to mention price during that instant…

He rarely sits on rides since I explain to him that $1 can pay for one hour of parking or half a bubble tea (which he loves). But of course, Grandpa always indulges, when I am not around, of course.

Physical

Today, with his daddy’s blessing and much cheered enthusiasm, I bought Wolf 3 Lego foam swords and 2 shields and we had such a ball play fighting. It’s great exercise for the children and he and his cousin Kaitlyn had a marvellous time.

They also played pirates with a cardboard box and their stuffed friends. And my Mom played the Cyclops whose food they stole!

Daddy takes him to the playground 2-3 times a week. He plays non-stop with other children or with Dad.

I’ve never said no to his climbing at home since he tried the very first time. I’d tell him to make sure what he is climbing is stable and to hold on tight with his hands and he would never fall down. And that those were the rules of climbing.

(It is so typical of our culture to say, no stop climbing, you will fall. But I never let that negativity pass through my mouth and Wolf ignores anyone who says that. Kids only hear the word fall. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy and eventually they become too scared to try anything. Sorry, had to rant about that. He has never fallen while climbing.)

Usually when we are out, I let him climb and run as long as he is not disturbing anyone, along empty walkways and empty sections of a cafe. I’d be the crazy mom running with him chasing me from the loo after changing his diaper.

It’s fun to be silly. Heck, we were all silly once. Wasn’t it fun?

Since Kitten was born, Wolf went from waking once or twice a night to seeral times a night. He even wakes more often than Kitten. It is 2.33am now and he’s been up 3x since he slept at 11pm.

Undoubtedly it is insecurity due to his sister’s arrival. He almost always needs me to comfort him and will fight for milk in the middle of he night. Although, at bedtime he’ll let her drink first.

Daytime I try to spend more time with him but still sometimes he will ask me, Mom do you love me? It is so heartbreaking to hear. I always reassure him but sometimes it is not enough.

He dotes on her though. Tells everyone that she is his baby. Is largely gentle with her. I let him hug and kiss her, hold my breath and trust him to do well by her and he never disappoints me.

I trust him alone with her when I go and get something. He knows to watch and take care of her. He tells me, this is our family. He knows we belong together. This is when I know doing everything together benefits their bond.

It is so important for us to nurture their relationship. Too often, others will shoo the older one away from the younger one or say don’t touch or disturb her, but really we need to exercise some trust in our children or they may never learn to be trustworthy.