Strange Machines

Many people ask me why I practice attachment parenting (well, usually aspects of it like carrying Jack, nursing him still at 2, and co-sleeping). Simply because it is the only scientifically proven method to produce a happy, smart, well-adjusted adult. This is not to say that other methods of parenting will not. But that attachment parenting (AP) consistently does.

If you want to build a airplane, you study to become an aerospace engineer. If you want to be a great lawyer, you study the law. If you want to become a doctor, you learn all you can about medicine and leverage on hundreds of years of medical experience and expertise to apply the best solution to a patient’s problem.

So why do so many parents not approach parenting the same way? Many don’t even bother to pick up a book or Google for advice and instead listen to well-meaning advice (aka hearsay) from dubious sources. The precious generation did not know best. Look at all the outdated practices like spanking and cry-it-out debunked and proven seriously harmful already. Now, surely during this age of enlightenment and science, scientists have come up with a “best practice” for parenting. And indeed they have.

It is attachment parenting. And you don’t even need to pick up a book although I will recommend a few. Google “attachment parenting” and a whole wealth of resources will be at your feet (if you can see them at this point, if pregnant).

Support from the scientific community is evident in the numerous research studies published on the various aspects of AP. It may not be apparent in the general attachment parenting pages but you’ll find them reported in scientific journals and the news. Keep an eye out for them.

Here are some AP practices:

1. Extended nursing
2. Sleep sharing
3. Positive parenting
4. Mutual respect
5. Enforcing limits
6. Natural food
7. Babywearing
8. Lots of hugs and attention, love, care, praise, encouragement, and smiles
9. Encourage baby to bond with others
10. Teach baby respect for himself and others

Now AP has been criticised for being extremely difficult to practice without an army of help. I agree. I have no one but my husband and occasionally my Dad to help out and am exhausted and sleep deprived every day. Everyone needs some time off and I am grateful I encouraged my husband and Dad to bond with Jack since the day he was born. I trust them implicitly to care for him and he loves and adores them very much.

Despite my constant tiredness, Jack and I have a wonderful bond which is evident in our matching grins when we share a joke, laugh together at funny things, sing together, or nurse together when I hold him like a baby again and he looks into my eyes with such love and adoration that I would slay dragons for him. Heck, he even lets me sleep in nowadays and gently suggests I wake once in a while with a big grin in my face and a “Good Morning Mommy!”

He is easy to bring out to town by myself in his Ergo carrier and stays close when on the run. I frequently get comments on how polite, well-spoken, and happy he is. He listens to me and will accept reason, negotiations, and bribery/carrots. (Yes! I am guilty!) Desserts are fruits and treats are tiny Japanese ice creams. He eats all the foods I offer and often asks for more vegetables.

I work very hard to be my husband’s cheerleader, as well as the cheerleader of all those important to my son. They are his heroes and I paint them as kind and loving and shining examples of humanity as I can and when held to task, they often exceed his expectations. For families, there’s this wonderful Ladybird book called My Superdad which I highly recommend everyone buying to read to their child. Dad will feel like a superhero every time his child points at him and says, “Look at that! It’s SuperDad!” like Jack does.

AP is a journey. A wonderful journey for all parents who wish to embark on it. After all, you are building a lifelong relationship with this small mini-me of yours, why not make it a beautiful relationship. It has made me a better, kinder, more patient person (ask any of my friends!) keeping admirable Margaret Thatcher hours. Oh yes, the extra overtime you put in the first few years will save you years of worry, grief, and therapy bills later, so jokes one of the authors below. :p

Highly recommended books for a happy, sociable, smart, and loving child:
Note: no TV or daycare needed:

The Complete Secrets of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph

The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Dr Harvey Karp

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old by Dr Harvey Karp

Making Happy People: The Nature of Happiness and Its Origins in Childhood by Paul Martin

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

Since Jack gathered a posse of stuffed animal friends, we’ve been gossiping with them on many levels. Gossip, a technique suggested by Dr Harvey Karp of Happiest Toddler on the Block fame (I highly recommend it for its practical and useful techniques!), involves you whispering within hearing limits to another person (or stuffed animal) exactly the thing you’d like your child to do. The premise is that gossip carries more weight than a direct mention since it was never mention for the hearer to hear.

It has worked since the first day we tried it.

Most often, I tell his Dad what sweet things he did that day and how lovely it would be if he did it every day. Positive stuff, you know. Things that reinforce good behaviour. Like picking up his toys, eating well at lunch, helping me tidy up, helping me get the newspaper, waking Mom up gently with a big smile in her face and a sweet “Good morning Mommy”, and treating things at stores and at home too, with respect. He’d be playing with something with one ear perked up, and lo and behold, the next day, he would, without prompting, do it!

Also useful is how to get your child to make medicine! I have had some experience getting my cats to take meds and I have to say, it is much easier with humans. With both species, the direct method of shoving spoon in mouth does not work. Nor does the syringe.

So here’s a bit of goss and peer pressure to publicise the fun of medicine taking.

Gossip part: the first time, I chatted with his (plush) friends about how sick children need to take meds to get better. We’ve all been down with some form of cold or flu for a while and so, even the friends have been down with it. They’d talk among each other (Gray would tell Biscuit how he got better taking the meds and Biscuit would be all, wow! I should too!).

Peer pressure part: The most effective of course, to get your kids to take medicine, is to have all his friends clamour for it. Jack had been resistant to taking medicine from day one.

So we didn’t make a big deal. Instead just announced it was time to take medicine. His stuffed friends would all cheer “Yay, it is medicine time! I love to take medicine when I am sick!” and run to queue beside me for their turn to take the meds and their Dad would be standing there cheerily giving each friend a sip.

Jack watched in amazement as all his buddies cried, “Yummy! Thanks Dad!” Or “I feel better already”, and joined the queue for a second round! Then he decided he wanted in too! He said, “baby too!” and jumped the queue.

During the first couple of time, he would make a face and run off after a taste. But watching his friends go on round after round taking imaginary sips, he’d go back one or two rounds to finish off the meds. There’d be a loud cheer from everyone after, and next time, a noticeable absence from some of the friends who were already well.

In our last two sessions yesterday and tonight, we incorporated a lesson in queuing too. Since Jack is now enthused about taking meds (and specifically said he preferred a particular colour over another) we stated that he has to queue and wait his turn. He did, and all the kids are now happy asleep and en route to recovery.

No doubt tomorrow will bring more goss and fun peer activities with Jack and his sweet stuffed buddies. May we all get well soon.

Jack’s been up every night from 3am to almost 6am since a couple of weeks back. Okay actually I don’t remember exactly. But recently. Cos I have been getting 4-5 hours sleep every night by the time I finally put him back to bed.

He wakes at 3. I nurse and he’s out again by 3.15. Cries again around 3.40 then nurses till 4.15. I think he’s sleeping at 4.30 and run off to pee but then he howls for me and throws himself into my lap. We nurse again till 5. I try to sneak off. He sits up and holds my arm. So here I am back at 5.37, typing furiously. Wondering when my sweet son will sleep through the night. Well, at least go back to sleep easy.

Oops he stirs again.

First off, Nicole Kidman gave birth today to a 6 pound baby girl named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. She’ll be needing lots of cool baby gear now. Congrats to the happy parents and their lovely new addition.

I always find heavily pregnant women trawling the baby section of Isetan and feel like telling them when they pick up that armful of useless baby things, “You won’t use those! Save your money!” But I don’t unless they pick up a BPA bottle. Then I get upset.

Anyway. The important thing is to be prepared. Shop around first. Surf the net. Lots of stuff and information there. A good place to start is a wiki for baby stuff. Yup, there’s one. It is called ShopWiki and under their critter section, you’ll find tons of cool baby gear, all objectively crawled from online stores all over.

Don’t waste your money on the Baby Bjorn. Get the Ergo or any other one with waist support. Then buy a baby sling that is light and you and other male relatives would actually carry. There are nice ones that actually fold into themselves and wrap into an attached pouch. Forget the rest.

Of course if you travel with your child a lot, here are nice baby moving equipment to consider. Your pet can probably sit inside with it.

Today we celebrated Father’s Day at Modestos and then went to paint Takashimaya red. Our dear aunt NH called to say she was at the airport with her boys and we sped off to meet them. I told Jack in the car we were going to see his grandaunt and uncles and he was thrilled. It had been 4 months since he saw them and he remembered them very well.

In fact, when they showed up, he walked right up to her, peered at her and said “Gu Puo (grandaunt in Chinese)”. She was so amazed she gave him a big hug. We had dinner at Crystal Jade and he let his young uncles carry and play with him. He even showed off the “car bag” I made for him.

“Car bag,” he proclaimed, and proudly displayed the sling bag hung diagonally around him. “Mama made!” I was so thrilled. It was the first thing he showed everyone at lunch and at the airport today when he met them, right after wishing all the fathers a loud “Happy Father’s Day!”. His Dad and I were so proud of him.

He remembers things very acutely. From the broken car mirror on the silver car at the Forum Toys R Us (now fixed, but he reminds me every time, “not broken”, when we go there) to who bought him what. He remembers all his extended family and even people he met just once and where. It is remarkable. Even the things we don’t review at the end of the day. I would always ask him if he had a great day and what he did today. Still months later he will amaze me by remembering something I barely registered.

At Terminal 3, he weighed himself at an empty check-in counter. He is 12.3kg and 94 cm tall at 25 months, one heck of a runner, bilingual, a competent singer (he sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to me this morning, out of nowhere), an avid dreamer (he’ll tell me about his dreams - sweet dreams about everyone hugging), a loving and affectionate child (he’ll hug and kiss and tell his loved ones he loves them in English and Chinese), and that amazing memory.

And in other news, a sweet evening with Boy tonight. Ah I love my boys so much.

I admit I get a lot of flak for this. Jack sleeps from 11pm to 11am. I sleep from 4am to 11am. I need my personal time. For a person used to independence and heaps of down time and personal time, motherhood had made creative timekeeping a necessity. But criticism has been all round so I have kept from blogging about it (to stem the flak) till I realised many parents probably do the same and hesitate to tell anyone about it.

Most families, with at least one parent working at least till 6, will have only 1.5 hours face time with their child. This raises the question of what sort of quality time will a child get if he sleeps at 8pm? Working people need to unwind just like the rest of us so how does baby get time with Dad and Mom who just got home?

Let’s do an imaginary schedule: Dad finishes work at 6pm. Comes home by 6.30. Mom gets dinner ready by 7.30 while Dad naps or plays with baby. Meal ends with dessert by 8.30. Dad plays with baby while Mom does dishes. Mom takes a shower and gets ready for baby to have his. Now it is 9.

Baby baths with Dad and gets handed to Mom. 9.15. Mom dries and dresses baby as he plays with his cars. Dad joins them on the bed for reading time. 9.30. 3 books are read and discarded. 10. Baby wants a bit more time with cars. Ok. Mom and Dad negotiate with him and he willingly stops playing by 10.15. Lights out at 10.20 after hugs and kisses.

Baby nurses and finally falls asleep by 11.

Now that is a day we spend at home.

If we go out or to Grandma’s for dinner, we don’t get home till 9.30 or 10. Push forward and baby doesn’t sleep till 11 or 11.30. Sometimes 12.

Then he wakes up for milk at least twice a night. Some nights more, and that makes me wonder about weaning. But as Dr Sears says, weaning is a journey from one relationship to another.

Weaning is not a negative term, nor is it something that you do to a child. Weaning is a journey from one relationship to another. The Hebrew word for wean is gamal, meaning “to ripen.” In ancient times, when children were breastfed until two or three years of age, it was a joyous occasion when a child weaned. It meant the child was filled with the basic tools of the earlier stages of development and secure and ready to enter the next stage of development. A child who is weaned before his time may show anger, aggression, habitual tantrum-like behavior, anxious attachment to caregivers, and an inability to form deep and intimate relationships. We call these traits diseases of premature weaning.

I am glad I decided to breastfeed Jack till he is ready to wean. My gynae nursed her daughter till she self-weaned at 3 and supported my decision to breastfeed till he self-weans. It is sometimes tiring but I realise these nights spent nursing him arm him with a security, strength, and capacity for intimacy he will have all his life and it is worth it. What is 3 years in the face of 90 years for a child I love and adore? Nothing.

Well-meaning people have expressed tons of concern about the weaning and the strange hours we keep. But how strange are the hours? It is a necessity set in place by the working world. A child should not be forced to bed early just so “it is normal” and be denied time with his parents, especially those working. Nor will such children suffer for it because children are highly adaptable. While in Melbourne, Jack woke at 9 with the sun on his face. I had to put him to bed at 9 just so he’d get his 12 hours every night - essential for brain development.

Back home, Jack sleeps from 11pm to 11am (and more recently, 10pm to 11am with a 1-2 hour nap from 3-4 or 3-5 in between). Voluntarily too! I ask him if he is ready to sleep and he says yes, hugs Biscuit and lies down beside me for the joys of having both boobs to himself! He is alert and happy every day and wakes up refreshed with a cheery “wake up, Mama” in my face in the morning and tell me his dreams from the night before.

My mother often says, look at the hours you keep. How will Jack wake up for school next time? Now, if I am a case in point then I reinforce the notion that children are adaptable. I slept from 8pm to 8am from the day I was born till I went to school and STILL I had trouble waking up at 545am. Mom had to literally drag my sorry ass out of bed every day.

The most important thing every parent needs to do is to ensure their child gets 12-14 hours of sleep every day. It is critical for their brain development (yes I have said this twice already but it is critical). Keep your curtains closed (get black-out curtains if you need to) to encourage your child to sleep longer. Nursing babies sleep longer especially with Mom next to them for love and comfort. Here are more sleep tips from Dr Sears. We used many in the early days and they are very helpful, especially understanding how babies sleep.

And the Moms? Before baby, I used to thrive on 9-10 hours sleep a night. Uninterrupted. (Okay, that was before WoW. WoW was training for motherhood. We played from 8pm to 2am every day but that’s another story.) Now my body has gotten used to 5-6 hours a night (a nap with Jack in the afternoon helps). Of course, 8 hours is still ideal but some nights like tonight when I dozed off nursing Jack at 10pm and then waking alert at 1am, and will probably sleep again by 4am, the 6 hours I will get keeps me refreshed.

With nursing, most interruptions are brief and if I am sleeping, mostly unfelt. Jack knows his way around now and helps himself to milk at night! In fact, tonight after his second session, he made a leap, eyes closed, for the boob while I tried to edge away. I was so amused I let him nurse for another session till he unlatched himself and draped himself over my pillow and feet on Daddy’s face.

Any extended nursing mother will tell you, sometimes the nights are the toughest. Especially when you’re unwell or tired and when baby keeps waking and/or is unconsolable. The latter is the roughest and I am grateful that Jack almost always nurses straight back to slumberland.

I have passed the phase of being envious of my friends going out late, of hubby meeting his friends for a drink, or even playing a game of WoW uninterrupted.

I’ve stemmed the endless nursing nights with reading, surfing, gaming, watching a dvd on my laptop, or sewing cloth dolls for Jack while he is asleep - every one needs some personal time. Mine is spent in our room.

And when he wakes, I go to him quickly, stroke his face gently and tell him Mama is here, steal a sniff of his so-sweet breath, and nurse him even before his eyes open.

When I’m done admiring my baby, I either turn on my book light and read while propped over him on the side, continue watching my dvd, or surf with my Nokia N82.

It is sweet and warm and cuddly. And when I am done, I tuck myself in next to him and go to sleep.

Some nights he wakes up but most nights the waking is done while I am awake. So for the 6 to 8 hours I sleep, it is mostly uninterrupted.

Now that I think about it and write it all down, it doesn’t feel endless but a passage to the next day.

In a few days, my sweet son will be 2. Looking back, he’s achieved so much.

Today he mastered 3-puzzle jigsaws. At the last United Square toy fair, I bought him a wooden box full of lovely animal jigsaws. Only today did he bring it out to play and in a blink, he mastered them all.

His vocabulary is increasing exponentially. Today he learnt the phrase “hold the bar” (while coming down stairs). He can easily say complete sentences by himself, but even with new phrases, I don’t need to say 2-3 words at a time. He can copy half sentences after hearing them once.

It has been frequently commented that he is thin. Let’s just say it is genetic and from my side of the family. With double dominant thin genes from his maternal grandparents, it is a slam dunk. He grows proportionally. Today his Dryper XL seems to be getting tighter so I know he is growing. Just a few months ago he was wearing L!

He is 90th percentile for his age group in terms of height at 88-90cm. At 12kg he is 50th percentile for his weight.

He eats all day and I feed him healthy organic fruit and vegetables. He loves blueberries and can say hello to the nice Aunty Nancy at Why Yogurt over in Great World City there, tell her his favourite 3 berries, and remind me that the blue and pink cups that used to be displayed in the glass case are gone.

He loves playing with his cars, puzzles, reading his books, and most sweetly, is most fond of the stuffed cotton rabbit and cat I made him. He hugs them and tells everyone, “Mama made”.

At the toy store, he is happy to just browse and not buy, a habit formed from early days of “looking trips” and the very rare “buying trip”. He is happy with the toys he has at home. Even for his birthday, he just wants another of his favourite car. I was so proud.

He is loving and affectionate, showing kisses and hugs to his grandma, grandpa, mom, and dad. He is very sociable, and readily waves hello and goodbye to people we meet, lending a smile to those he favours.

He greets me every morning with a grin, saying “Good Morning!” and then “Wake up, Mama!” What a fabulous way to wake up.

It has been a happy, sleepy, and wonderful 2 years with this joyful, sweet, delightful little boy. I am glad I stuck by the tenets of attachment parenting, pretty much the only parenting method supported by science and 30 years of peer-reviewed research.

The breastfeeding, co-sleeping (no cry-it-out), babywearing (no pram; sling or carrier only), and focus on positivity (no “you can’t do that”) and encouragement has been a breeze compared to others who complained about what a hassle it is to go out with so much to carry, disobedient kids. It is instant calm when Jack is nursing and his close bond to me has allowed him the security to be one of the most independent kids I know.

Attachment parenting builds a strong bond between mother and child, and equips a child with confidence, love, security, and a helluva lot of smarts.

First of all, no TV. All the studies agree it is harmful. It is common sense that a child spending one hour playing with his toys or running around in the park is learning more than a child passively watching TV, yes, even the “educational” programs. We, as humans, learn best by example, in the real world.

We choose our battles. By allowing him to win the small battles, such as choosing the clothes he’d like to wear, and what toys to play, he allows us to win the big ones, such as when it is time to go (we rarely have a problem with that, after giving him 5 minutes grace then he waves bye bye) and when it is bedtime.

Today he can readily say he is ready to sleep. With the former, he has grown confident of his choices and truly, he has great taste in clothes.

His artwork is all over our home, the prized ones hung in the bedroom. He loves drawing and we regard each piece as a work of art. Just in 3 months, his work has evolved so much. And he is very proud of it.

We negotiate now. I believe it is an important skill he needs in life. He wants to go out to the park. I say okay, after your meal. He thinks about it then looks at me and says ok. And we eat, then we go out. I keep all my promises to him and so does his dad.

Integrity is something so important and yet so overlooked. I was truly blessed to have a father who keeps his word to me every single time since the day I was born. If he says he will bring the newspaper, yes even something as trivial as that, he will. And he has never forgotten. That is how I learnt integrity.

And so I plan to teach it to Jack. For him to become the man I want him to be, I must become the person I want him to be.

I. CARE FOR BABY

1. Relish every moment with your child.

Remember they are only small once. Remind yourself that your baby is a living sentient being who depends fully on you. It is easy to depersonalise someone when you are exhausted. Meet baby in the eye and smile. Tell him and show him how much you love him with hugs, kisses, and gentle words and actions.

2. Nursing is best for you and baby.

Breastmilk has critical antibodies for baby, especially in the colostrum (a thick yellow paste) that oozes in the first 4 days. Breastfed babies are stronger, smarter, and healthier. The longer the nursing, the better. Continue your nursing relationship for as long as both of you are comfortable. If you have trouble breastfeeding, consult a lactation expert in the maternity ward for help immediately.

3. Eventually baby will sleep through the night, or you’ll get used to it.

Plus, you’ll most likely lose your pregnant weight along with the schedule. Research has found that sleep training doesn’t work. Babies learn to fall and stay asleep on their own whether or not they are sleep trained. Meanwhile take it one day at a time.

4. Pick baby up when he cries.

He’ll feel that he is worthy of love. Ignore all comments about spoiling the child. If you let him cry it out, it will hurt your relationship with him as he won’t trust you to care for him when he needs you. Babies cry because that’s the only way they know how to communicate. They cry to let us know they need our help. Studies have shown that letting baby cry it out will lead to him having anxiety problems and low self-esteem when he grows up.

5. Carry your baby in a baby sling or carrier.

It’s been repeatedly shown that babywearing parents and their children are closer. Babies who are carried frequently by their parents are more self-assured, possess a strong sense of worth, and are eager to explore.

6. Learn to care for baby on your own.

It is tempting in this day and age to pass him over to a carer. Being the primary caregiver to your child strengthens the bond between the two of you and boosts your confidence as a mother.

7. Encourage Dad to spend time with baby.

Children with involved fathers are more secure and have a healthier view of relationships as a whole.

8. Let baby play and play with baby.

It is wonderful to see things from baby’s point of view and to see him excited and thrilled over daily objects. It is his way of learning. Be there to share it. Give him a wide berth to explore safely. Be part of his play day. Animate his toys and talk to him, sing to him, dance with him. If you have pets, introduce baby to them and spend quality time together. Teach him how to be gentle and you’ve taught him compassion. These are fond memories he will carry with him for life.

II. CARE FOR MOM

1. Get help.

Arrange for help, no matter how capable you think you are. I liked to believe I was superwoman until I became a mother. Any help is great, even for an hour. Rest makes one a better mother. And you do need to bathe.

2. Stay hydrated.

Keep 1L and 500L bottles of water within arm’s reach. Particularly when you are nursing, you will get thirsty very fast. Plus keeping yourself hydrated wards off the headaches that will inevitably come with childrearing.

3. Keep reading material, TV remote, mobile phone turned to silent, and other objects of interest at arm’s reach.

When baby falls asleep in your lap, you’ll have something to do. Sometimes you’ll be too tired to even try putting him down (he might well wake up), reading, watching TV on silent, or surfing on your mobile phone will help pass time. Do take a moment in between to stroke your baby’s head or back.

4. Eat well.

My weight plunged on a low caloric diet (by habit), demand breastfeeding, and multiple nightwakings over the past 5 months. Now I eat anything, just to get enough energy to produce milk and not feel exhausted all day.

5. Don’t feel pressured to nap when baby is asleep.

It never works! What does help is if you are tired but wired, lie down on your side to nurse baby. You might end up dozing too.

6. Stretch daily and stretch gently.

Your muscles and ligaments will be sore, sprained, and tired. Keep medicated plasters stocked.

7. Buy the best camera phone you can afford.

I found that my phone became my best friend since I had Jack. While nursing or if he was asleep, I could send a text message to a loved one to get me something, I could read my Gmail, surf the web on Opera Mini, play mobile games, and most importantly, capture the unexpected delightful moments with Jack on a video or photo when my camera is too far away.

8. Educate yourself.

Confidence is key to being a good mother. And being informed is key to being confident. Read up (while breastfeeding or when baby is sleeping) on the studies that have been conducted and find out what actually works and what is actually harmful.

Enjoy your baby. They grow up too fast!

Online Resources:

Ask Moxie
KellyMom
Mother’s Nature
The Natural Child Project

Books:

Babyhood by Penelope Leach
Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn–and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Diane Eyer
The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp
Hello, My Name Is Mommy: The Dysfunctional Girl’s Guide to Having, Loving (and Hopefully Not Screwing Up) a Baby by Sheri Lynch
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley
Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different-And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men by Steve Biddulph
The Wonder Weeks: How to Turn Your Baby’s 8 Great Fussy Phases into Magical Leaps Forward by Hetty Vanderijt and Frans Plooij

Jack’s been progressing by leaps and bounds. His fave book is a stunning pictorial journey from Earth to the edge of the Cosmos called Universe which I’d bought in Kinokuniya (yes, I finally joined them as a member when I bought the Anazi Anazo books. He impressed my godparents two weeks ago by correctly identifying Earth, Sun, Mars, Io, Europa, Pluto, Charon, and Dark Matter (his faves).

To date, he can correctly and consistently identify Earth, Sun, Mercury, Mars, Europa, Io, Pluto, Charon, Dark Matter, Saturn, Jupiter, and Neptune. He must “read” (he says) the book every night before bed and loves pointing out the objects he knows and is keen to learn the nebulas. Tonight he enunciated Retina Nebula, Helix Nebula, Hourglass Nebula, Eta Carinae, Andromeda, and a few more I can’t remember now because it is past 4am - he remembers better than me.

He can id the letters U, N, I, V, E, R, S, and E on the cover. If he forgets, he’ll guess and flash me a huge grin. We laugh and clap enthusiastically whether or not it is correct. Although I’m sure he can see the pride and joy in my eyes when he does get it correct.

Aside from the Universe, he loves his cars. My Dad bought him all the Ferraris from Shell and the revving sound enthralled him for hours on end. I even managed to doze. He can id without fail Minis, Porsches, Mitsubishis, and BMWs. He can id a car (live or on a pic) from miles away. I am amazed sometimes. There’s a live-sized version of his fave black Porsche Cayman S parked at my sister’s house and we always pay it a visit to say hello.

He’s always buoyant and happy even when sick and has quickly learnt never to admit that he’s got a runny nose or else Dad and Mom will make him take medicine. When he doesn’t know something, he’ll take a guess. That might be because we always laugh together whether or not it is correct so he never fears being wrong.

People around me comment how happy he is, how wonderful it is that he sits with us through dinner, and how polite and friendly he is, saying hello, bye, kissing, hugging, and blowing kisses. Yet they also like to comment how clingy he is to me. That’s all part of the process of the peaceful positive attachment parenting philosophy I adopt.

In the wild, it is normal for children to stay close to their mothers, never to follow strangers as it would mean certain death. We and all other living species now have survived because we follow this code. When the children are taught by their mothers, held and feel secure, they are better equipped emotionally and mentally to cope and thrive and coexist with others in the outside world.

I’ve never regretted giving up my career for my son. Although one of the attachment parenting experts say that the rewards will be reaped when your child grows into a healthy, happy, well-adjusted and responsible adult, I think I am seeing the rewards every day I spend with Jack.