Strange Machines

Moxie’s post on unintentional words reminded me of a promise I made myself that I would never be negative towards Wolf, in particular, using negative words such as calling him a “bad boy” or “naughty boy”. And I have not.

What I had not realised was that calling myself “silly Mommy” on occasion, for forgetting something, can be detrimental too. After all, I am his first love and his world. If I am silly and so flawed, then how can he trust me?

The emphasis should be on the positive. The constant encouragement in his achievements and positive cheerleading has made him a happy and confident boy. His trust in me though, can be improved. He still doesn’t trust me to return from the bathroom or kitchen 90% of the time. Could it be because of my negative labelling of myself?

Regardless, it is now time to work positively on Mommy’s image. What an inspired and wise Mommy!

Wolf just recovered from a bout of gastro he caught from his Dad. Three days and nights of fever and nasty poop but he smiled through the whole ordeal. Meanwhile I am so overdosed on caffeine that I can’t sleep now.

Since his first birthday, he’s been standing a lot and walking. He took 5 steps the other day and clapped in delight after.

One of the controversies about fever in babies is whether to sponge. Hubby reckons it is just to make the parents feel useful but it does bring down the temperature. I felt useful while sponging but Wolf just got upset.

It is three days I would rather not revisit. In fact I’d rather go through labour again!

I can’t sleep again. After a hectic day, one would expect to see me crashing to bed. But an innocent remark kept me up and after having a supper of blue cheese (bad idea), I am awake and pickled from the salt in the cheese.

Wolf woke just a few minutes ago, cried once. I went to him and found him sitting on the bed. He called “Mama” and I swear I felt my heart melt. I hugged him gently, stroked his hair, and nursed him back to sleep. As I edged out of his embrace, his arm gingerly reached out and touched his stuffed Humpty Sitting on the Wall which is tied to the crib, and back to the Sandman he went.

There I should head too. Soon… soon…

Most recently I finished reading Gregory Benford’s The Sunborn, a hard SF novel about life on Pluto (and other wildcards).

He introduced a new form of life which never occurred to me before and I felt so enthralled about the abundance and diversity of life itself (read Deep-Sea Alien Abode Discovered for starters).

Even though we haven’t found anything alive outside our planet yet doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Now this translates into probabilities rather than concrete proof in the form of Drake Equation. But Benford’s novel does raise an interesting issue – that perhaps other forms of life may be in a form that we are unable to detect with our instruments after all.

My own theory, is that we’re so far in the corner of the Universe, so far from the excitement of the centre that no one has detected us nor us them. The Universe is a huge place, but the laws of physics does limit travel (even as planet-sized beings) through its vastness.

Still, when I think about the magnitude and grandeur of this place we live in, I am grateful to exist even for this microsecond to breathe it in and know that I am a part of it.

I couldn’t resist buying Wolf this bear suit from Target when we were in Melbourne. He loved it and so did we!

Over the last week, his development accelerated at almost lightspeed. He started standing, walking confidently with a push cart, and waving bye bye.

Last night he read my Best Friends magazine very gently turning each page on his own.

Interestingly, the same day he was happy to tear away a page with Brangelina out of one of my goss mags. :p

He also had his first 3 bites of chocolate cake and loved it! More competition for Mom!

Till one month ago, I would say I had some help caring for Wolf. Time off to work was still time off after all. But since April, I became a full-time stay-home mom and the wheels of change turned. Things would never be the same again.

For one, it was wonderful not to worry about deadlines and meeting the budget anymore. The loveliest thing was to be able to give all my time and attention completely to Wolf. It shows in his delight when I read to him and play with him.

On the downside, personal time has become somewhat of a myth. Sure, I get an hour or so when he naps (once or twice a day) and that time is usually used to complete chores, spend some time with the cats, or greedily devouring a novel while carrying Wolf in a sling.

Breakfast takes an hour, lunch another hour, of feeding and entertaining him on his highchair. The rest is cooking, washing dishes, cleaning up, all rather alien tasks to me. Our routine at home rarely varies and I think we both take comfort in that. They are serene and relaxing.

But at night after putting Wolf to bed, I am wasted. Only now, after a month of change I am getting into the swing of things. Most recently I started reading again – a pleasurable activity especially coupled with blue cheese and milk. Now I am getting online again, after hours of course.

Day time I have promised to my son. And what a ball we have had. Shopping cart racing, tree spotting at the park, bath time fun, holding his hand as we walk together, when he sleeps, playing with the cats, and lots of laughter together.

It is all worth it.

Wolf will be one year old soon! To date, he’s been standing without any support, can call his Papa, laughs a lot, babbles incessantly, is delighted with new things, has travelled to Melbourne without any hassle (even charmed the pretty air stewardess to giving him more toys), grown attached to his family in Melbourne, mastered navigating the stairs on his own two feet, as well as getting down the bed.

Oh, and he’s been photographed wearing a bear suit.